Remarkable correspondence from the consistently unremarkable world of email

Try and imagine the following excerpts written in scrawled cursive with No. 2 pencils on lined notebook paper with generous smears and eraser smudges. Send your essays on favorite actresses to inbox@rochester-citynews.com.

--- Michael Neault

From: Harmony Button
To: Abby McCarthy
Subject: Writing that is Wrote with great Effort
Date:  September 13, 2004

You might remember last summer, when, unscrupled educator that I am, I passed along
an assortment of amazingly awful things my students wrote. These aren't quite
as good as the essay about making the horse noise, but hey, the one on Angelina
Jolie is pretty priceless. Oh yeah: the assignment? Not to describe your
favorite actress, I'll tell ya that much...

"Anjelina Jolie is my idol because she joins in the programs which are helding for the
poor people or the people who need help....She's like a member of UN, and I want
to be also like her...Besides this, I like her acting also."

"If I do not like the topic, all the essay goes bad. However, I can write really
good when I want to write. Not only does writing allow me to express myself,
through writing I can explore Ideas in which I am not familiar with.... I am also
not that good at writing poems or writing in old English i.e. writing in
Shakespeare's style...In my opinion, writing is the best way to communicate
between people, and people's true mind can be described only through the
writing that is wrote with a great effort."

"In another incident, a monkey's anus was broken when it reached beyond its cage
bars to get nuts from a visitor. In the wild, animals would not have allowed
anything like this to happen."

"God's announting shall surely shine in your soul." (this same student also
spelled 'Lucifer' as 'Luziver')

"Wall-Fart: The wonderful supermarket where a Turkish friend of mine tried to chase a girl
around, while I was entertaining some people with wearing bras and
mini-skirts."

"Our room is a place where all lambs are not functional."

"The only thing I remember is that my feet were frozing."

"...and finally, my lamest plane ride concluded."

That's all for tonight. There will be many more to come...