Because I specialize in behavioral problems, parents ask me regularly if their child is acting normally. Posing this question takes courage. Parents risk finding out the answer is "no," or that they could be better parents. They often start by minimizing the problem: "I suppose this is normal behavior but..." I usually start by saying, "‘Normal' is the biggest problem we deal with."

It is normal for our kids to challenge us. Challenging behavior is how they explore the rules of engagement. There is abundant, sound advice available from your doctor and other resources about setting limits and being consistent in responding to your kids' behavior. But what if your child's sensitivity, anger, withdrawal, or fear keeps you up at night? What happens when intuition tells you to worry?

One of my mentors taught me that parents' concerns about their child's behavior are always significant. This doesn't mean that all behavioral problems are abnormal. It means that doctors should always act on parent's worries. Worry is contagious and kids catch it.

When your child's fears, aggression, play, or moods concern you, do not accept reassurance that they are normal. Request a careful assessment, more information to understand your child, and a plan of behavior management from your pediatrician. There are standardized scales that professionals use to separate abnormal from normal behavior during development. Your child's doctor ought to have these or refer you to a professional who does. Get professional advice about how to change your own behavior to help your child. Most importantly, have a follow up plan with your doctor to monitor changes.

While most kids' worrisome behaviors improve with age, it is also true that they can be the first indicators of more significant problems. One of my other mentors says, "I have never helped anyone with a problem that was too small."