It is the 50th anniversary of the "time-out." In 1957, behavioral psychologist Charles Ferster first published his research on "time-out from positive reinforcement" using pigeons. Since then, "time-out" has become the gold standard for disciplining children...human children. Put the kid in a quiet place then wait for her to calm down. No yelling or spanking. Simply deprive the unruly child of attention. It is supposed to work. So how come it doesn't always? How do you do it right?

There are lots of time-out questions: How long and where should it be? Should you warn or count first? Should you lecture the child on the way? Should the child apologize later? These were never issues with Ferster's pigeons. Fifty years of research has not helped us.

It is hard to find the right answers because these are the wrong questions. Ferster's work with pigeons was not about the "time out," but what the time out was from: "time-in." Time-in is about catching your child being good and giving them unexpected recognition. With kids, time-in can be brief and nonverbal: a short back rub, a hug, a high-five, a meaningful smile. More involved time-in activities include uninterruptible periods reading together, playing a game, walking or cycling, cooking and having a snack. Mostly, time-in is about providing a rich, consistently positive atmosphere in which kids know they are not in trouble.

Most kids cooperate most of the time and that behavior goes mostly unnoticed. When there is a lot of time-in, time-outs are easy. They are an abrupt break in the action; a short, silent, impassive removal from warm acceptance. They can be pretty informal. Kids get it and the details become unimportant.

So celebrate Ferster's pigeons with lots of time-in for children. Give yourself some, too.