Though they have their bright moments, the truth is that teenagers are eternally stupid and unable to pretend otherwise. Recent scripted entertainment, however, wants us to believe that our schools are teeming with little Dorothy Parkers, each more devastatingly witty than the last (the gnarled roots of blame snake back to the late WB). The opening scenes of hyped indie darling "Juno" are evidence of this trend, as a Sunny-D-swilling 16-year-old fires off preternatural bons mots despite the fact that she's just aced her third pregnancy test. Some love this precocious hipster patter, while others who find it slick and insincere must endure it so they can concoct an informed review.

But my advice to me - er, the latter is to ignore that hollow banter and concentrate instead on the superbly acted fairy tale that is "Juno," in which a sweetly tart young woman takes the lemon that is her unplanned pregnancy and makes baby lemonade when she decides to fork the fruits of her labor over to a childless couple. Subtle Ellen Page ("Hard Candy") channels the title character, a li'l misfit whose first crack at sex with her friend Bleeker (the adorable Michael Cera, "Superbad") has left her with a spare fetus. Juno isn't opposed to abortion, but when she chooses life, enter Mark and Vanessa Loring (played by Jason Bateman and Jennifer Garner), successful career types with a three-car garage and lollipop shrubbery who have apparently determined that it's time for a kid.

Director Jason Reitman (2006's sharp "Thank You For Smoking") and debut screenwriter Diablo Cody effortlessly shift focus throughout "Juno," allowing their expanding heroine's increasingly complicated relationships to unfold in truthful ways. Bleeker isn't sure how to handle his deceptively headstrong maybe-more-than-friend, but Juno's separate dealings with the Lorings are the most fascinating (and least predictable) aspect of the film. Juno bonds with overgrown man-child Mark over horror movies and Hole, and Mark reacts in ways that the naïve Juno didn't anticipate. Bateman handles his character's confusion delicately, but Garner is revelatory as the single-minded Vanessa, her worried, gummy smile shorthand for a vulnerability that should never be interpreted as anything but strength.

Juno is the type of teenager we'd all like to imagine we were in retrospect, with a perpetual supply of one-liners, unflappable poise, and flawless taste in pop culture (i.e., Dario Argento, the Stooges). The reality is that no one's that cool (seriously, you weren't), and Cody nearly alienates her audience until she infuses Juno with a little warmth. Now, the bipartisan, pro-choice/pro-life message might be why "Juno" has gotten so much attention, but it may have more to do with Cody. The media (read: middle-aged white men) is all over the fact that Cody was once a stripper AND she was able to form enough intelligent sentences for an entire screenplay! All by herself!

Americans can only handle their women hot or smart. A combination of the two unnerves them.

Rochester's not so bad (it's 63 degrees in January as I type this), but if this were a bigger city, we might be able to see Canadian filmmaker Guy Maddin's stylish silent film "Brand Upon The Brain!" the way NY and LA experienced it: celebrity narrators like Crispin Glover, an 11-piece orchestra, and Foley artists wielding all the squishes and thwacks. The small-town version features a soundtrack with Isabella Rossellini's charmingly accented narration as well as an alternately sad and frantic score, but the anachronistic visuals remain the same, lushly hypnotic black-and-white images populated by heart-shaped faces bringing to life a grainy fever dream of horror and romance.

"Brand Upon The Brain!" tells the story of a man's return to his childhood home, now an abandoned lighthouse that once housed an orphanage run by his smothery mother and inventor father. Flashbacks to his boyhood tell of strange, gory things afoot, and it takes the arrival of androgynous teen detectives to uncover the mystery (and undress his nubile sister). A late Christmas present for the eyes, try not to spend too much time marveling over Maddin's execution. To blindly envision how a scene might come across on Super 8, viewed through a pinhole, and without color or sound is sorta mindblowing. 

Juno

PG-13, directed by Jason Reitman

Now playing

Brand Upon The Brain!

(NR), directed by Guy Maddin

Screens Saturday at the Dryden