Swoony, like many American cities, is a city of neglect and abandonment. It has fought decay and a declining population, businesses have been moving out, and its citizens shop mostly in the suburbs. But with the completion of the largest civic project in the city's history, things drastically turned around in this old industrial part of Wales.

Baroque Circle is an arts center of sorts. Maddie Looks, the Minister of Governmental Affairs, explained: "Our initial thought of an arts complex with several theaters evolved into this strange but successful concept of digging a large hole." No other city in Great Britain or Europe has such a massive hole. And Swoony's leaders are obviously proud of their accomplishment.

The beauty of the hole is that it meets the need for such a civic project, but it does not require yearly subsidies to run it. Approximately 1200 construction jobs were required to build the big hole. (Now that the hole is built, the workers are back on welfare). And even though Swoony's citizens voiced their desire for a moderate-sized theater to hold performances of their local dance company and other arts, the committee that studied the need for Baroque Circle decided that the community would be better served by a hole to be used for the Regional Burlesque Theatre, Ltd.

Said Arnold Rottman, RBTL's president: "We can expand our offerings. The hole will be perfect for mud wrestling."

The Minister of Transportation, Mark Albark, already has engineers and construction crews improving access to the hole, and they are even building a bus station next to the hole in anticipation of increased demand. Priscilla Prickly, a citizen from an affluent suburb exclaimed: "We are so excited. We just can't wait to go to the bus station. It's the talk of the town!"

Baroque Circle happened to be built near a small college, which will make use of the hole. Dr. Thomas Reginald Augustus Prin, Arch Chancellor of Tri-College, sees synergy with the project. The school has added classes in burlesque and pole dancing, and its cafeteria offers pasties with its pastries.

Esteemed leaders from Swoony had studied the need for such a project. Brian Digg, president of Digg Construction, and Al D. Reamy, of D. Reamy Architects and Associates, sat on the committee that recommended the project, and their companies were awarded the contracts to design and build it. Sarah Zamboni, Minister of Culture, was passionate about the need for the hole. "We have an awesome responsibility in government," she said. "We must lead our community in culture, for our community is incapable of its own culture."

The committee is quick to point out that it sought significant input from the community. "We had many heated, but valuable, discussions on whether the railing around the parking lot should be blue or yellow," exclaimed Swoony's mayor, Rufus Tuffy.

The project cost exceeded its budgeted $230 million Euros by 163 percent, a figure that is considered reasonable by governmental standards. Maddie Looks took some funds from the public schools: a fair plan, she opined. But the bulk of the money came from taxes. Mayor Tuffy pointed out that getting funds from their government has never been a problem even though it is badly in debt. "Unlike America," he said, "our citizens have no say on issues like public finance."

Asked about future projects, Minister Looks exclaimed that they are considering more holes and marketing the construction of holes to other countries. Mayor Tuffy wants to add a fast ferry service, but he acknowledged that not being near a body of water may be a problem.

PAUL STUART, PITTSFORD

(In addition to his active composing and conducting music, Stuart is a structural engineer currently pursuing a Master of Science degree in civil engineering at SyracuseUniversity.)