When their eldest son, Jim, came out in the early 1980's, Mary Ellen and Casey Lopata had three main concerns: his health and well-being, how their other children would respond, and how to reconcile their son's sexuality with their faith. The Lopatas are Roman Catholics.

"Our faith means a lot to us," says Mary Ellen. "There were some tears, but there was never a thought of rejecting him. But then there was the church. And the question was: how do we handle this?"

It was a question that ultimately led the Lopatas, in 2004, to create Fortunate Families, an educational and networking group that works with Catholic parents of gay children through online forums and workshops.

The Lopatas say they were "closeted Catholic parents" for nine years, until they attended a religious conference in the early 90's. There they met other Catholics who shared some of their concerns about the church's views on sexuality. In 1992, the Lopatas helped form the Catholic Gay and Lesbian Family Ministry, which, at that time, presented educational forums on sexual orientation to parents and family members. "We were not part of the diocese, but we were sort of loosely affiliated with it," says Mary Ellen. "Our very first forum was out in Mendon. It was the foggiest night for driving, and when we finally got there, only one person came."

Gradually, the forums drew about 200 people, she says.

"Sometimes people were hesitant about sharing their stories in front of the whole room, but after the presentation, they would come up and talk about members of their families who had come out," says Casey. "Often parents were very upset about the Vatican's position on homosexuality. They weren't concerned about whether their kids would stay with the Catholic Church. Parents were more concerned about whether they wanted to stay with the church."

Reaction in the Catholic community was mostly positive, says Mary Ellen. Nuns, priests, and bishops who had a gay family member were the people who offered the most encouragement, she says.

"If you look at Jesus's teachings, he tells us to love God, and love your neighbor as you love yourself," Casey says. "I don't think Jesus would disapprove of what we're doing."

As conservative as the Catholic Church is, the Lopatas say, it has changed its views on other teachings that were once widely accepted.

The church, says Casey, once taught that the purpose of marriage was for the creation and education of children, "and we think of marriage in much broader terms than that today."

"We're trying to change attitudes through participation and engagement," he says.

The forums and workshops offered by Fortunate Families are very basic, Mary Ellen says.

"When our son came to us, we didn't know a lot. Sex wasn't talked about back then. People know a lot more today, but there's still difficulty talking about it. And we just want people to think with their hearts," she says. "When you know your son is a gay person, he deserves the same love and affirmation as your other children do."

In addition to their concerns about their Catholic faith and their child's sexuality, parents have another worry - what Mary Ellen calls "lost expectations."

"As parents, you naturally think about your children getting married and grandchildren," she says. "And when you live with those expectations and your child tells you that those things might not happen, you grieve those lost expectations."Currently, Fortunate Families is offering an eight-week online workshop called "Let's Talk about Homosexuality." It is divided into three sections: questions and scientific perspectives, families and their personal stories, and moral considerations.

"We have to remember that it's not just the church's views we're changing," says Mary Ellen. "It's our views. It's us. We are the church."