There he was, the self-described steamroller, in a grimace that distorted his face and seemed to symbolize the ugliness of the scandal that was enveloping him.

But it was the image of Silda Spitzer, standing beside her husband, that best reflected the shock that hit New York this week: chin up, and absolutely full of pain.

Eliot Spitzer should resign, and I hope he's done it by the time this newspaper gets into your hands. We can debate the legalization of prostitution; we can commiserate about the foibles of human beings; but this is not a private matter.

Spitzer's arrogance was getting in the way of his potential before the prostitution investigation became public. Now, if the reports about sex and money laundering are true, the arrogance is compounded by hypocrisy. And law breaking.

This has come up at a time when New York has great problems and needs a great leader. Spitzer's opinion to the contrary, though, New York's government is not a monarchy, and its operation relies on more than one leader. So we'll survive Eliot Spitzer. Maybe we'll even excel, if Joe Bruno and Sheldon Silver can set aside their partisanship.

The greater damage is done to politics. New Yorkers, and Americans in general, need to be able to trust the leaders of their governments. Late Monday night, as the Spitzer news unfolded, I got an e-mail from our Chicago son-in-law, Dan Weese, commiserating about the scandal and its impact.

"This guy projected a tantalizing idea to the whole country," he wrote, "that in the nasty, boring trenches of state government, you could take a stand - and make it a moral stand - and reinvent an ineffectual institution."

"Ultimately," wrote Dan, "his personal failure is less upsetting than the lost opportunity. But also, you want to believe that someone who is smart and ambitious will try to do something for the public good on a grand scale. That they will transcend the ordinary and make local politics meaningful on a big scale."

This is the kind of hope that the rare politician is able to inspire. It's the kind of hope on which democracy depends.

Looking at that photograph of Silda Spitzer, you just feel sick at your stomach. The damage her husband has done to her, and to their three children, is heart-breaking. They, of course, will suffer far more than anyone else will. The rest of us will move on.

At the moment, though, we too feel anger at his betrayal. And disappointment. And, unfortunately - yet again - disillusionment.

Speaking of being disillusioned: Maggie Brooks just keeps at it. Now she's fighting the court decision requiring Monroe Community College to provide health-care benefits for the lesbian spouse of an employee.

In a Democrat and Chronicle opinion piece on Friday, Brooks insisted that this is about saving taxpayers' money, not about same-sex marriage. But the issue isn't money. It's justice. Brooks isn't suggesting that the county stop providing health-care coverage for spouses in heterosexual marriages. It's only a lesbian couple that she wants to deny coverage to.

The issue is also family values. Joe Tarver, Empire Pride's communications director, notes that in the 2000 US Census, same-sex couples could indicate their relationship. Of those who did, about one in four were raising children - an average of two children each. Isn't it in the public interest to provide for the health of our youngest residents?

Apparently, says Tarver, in Monroe County "some families count and some don't."

Brooks closed her D&C opinion piece with another stand-up for Monroe County taxpayers, whom, she said, she takes "great pride in serving, leading, and protecting."

And, she said, "I will continue to uphold the rights of every citizen of this community."

That speaks volumes, doesn't it?