HOL. E. CRAP.

If last night’s “Heroes” didn’t prove that it’s the best show on the air, I don’t know what will. I was frankly expecting a bit of a slump given how amazing last week’s Bennet episode was. But while that installment focused on character drama, this one was almost totally plot-based, as almost every single character appeared and nearly every storyline progressed dramatically. The only bad part? The next episode doesn’t air until late April. GODDAMN IT!

So much happened, but a full recap would take thousands of words that literally nobody will read. So instead, we’ll hit the highlights:

-Nathan isn’t a bad guy! Maybe! We find out he’s been working with the Feds to take down Linderman this entire time.

-Unfortunately, Linderman knows this, and that’s why he’s instructed Jessica to kill him. Oops.

-Linderman is revealed to be Malcom McDowell! Awesome casting! And he enjoys making pot pies! Even better! But he does not enjoy sharing them with people who pull guns on him, Nathan. Boo. Seriously, that whole scene in the kitchen was brilliantly staged, as it simultaneously made Linderman seem like “just folks” but also gave him that weird joie de vivre that can turn a good villain into a great villain. Love him.

-Linderman promises Nate that if he does what he says, he’ll be President within two years. And it seems that Nathan buys into the power play.

-Mohinder figured out who Sylar really is! And he drugged him, and took a sample of his spinal fluid to help crack the Hero Code, and then tried to kill him! But stupid Mohinder didn’t notice that Sylar’s powers kicked back in right before he tried to shoot him (oops) and now Sylar wants a Mohinder Brain McMuffin --- but only after he finishes that list he keeps going on about.

-But that will have to wait since Peter, freaking out over Simone’s death, runs to Mohinder to “cure” his powers and finds Mohinder hanging from the ceiling, bleeding, and Sylar pulling his ol’ skullcap removal trick on ol’ Pete. We see blood spatter and hair removal, and to be continued! (Peter will be fine, he’s got Claire’s powers. But I am curious to see the two of them go at it again. Not like that, pervert.)

-Speaking of Claire, she gives Haitian Sensation the slip and hops a plane for New York to find Peter Petrelli (you’ll remember that he saved her back in the fall). Except Pete’s not home. Haitian is at his apartment – and so is Pete’s mom! Who he’s been working for all along! And she knows EVERYTHING! And she says that she’s Claire’s grandma, and has been trying to protect her! Love it!

-Bennet remembers nothing about what happened to Claire, but his wife does (she’s pretending to be mindwiped and is now working with him to save her --- I love this couple). He gets sent to New York with his new partner, the goth-y chick from last episode whose powers are to change shape, Mystique-style, to handle the Isaac/Simone deal. He gets back and talks with his wife about Claire, but it becomes readily apparent to everyone but Bennet that this is actually shape-shifter, not his wife, and at the end she calls in Eric Roberts to take care of Bennet. No! I really hope they don’t kill him! Or his wife! Or MR. MUGGLES!

-Speaking of the Isaac situation, he tries to kill Peter some more after he shoots Simone (what an asshole), and then tries lying to the cops when they come to investigate reports of gunfire and an anonymous tip --- courtesy of a now-fled Peter --- that Simone has been killed. But when Simone waltzes through the front door perfectly fine, they leave. It’s Shape-Shifter, who harasses Isaac then leaves. He goes back to drugs again and then paints his grisly death at the, er, teeth of Sylar. Cannot. Happen. Soon. Enough. Not even that hair makes him worth watching anymore.

-Hiro completes his hero’s quest FINALLY, with a little help from Nathan. He gives Linderman’s curator the Isaac painting of him fighting the dinosaur (which, given that we now know Hiro’s dad is in on all this, it makes the fact that he ripped that in half a lot more interesting, no?) and uses the opportunity to steal the sword. Curator rings the alarm, and then it’s Ando to the rescue! Yay! He’d been posing as a security guard, knowing that Hiro would eventually come for the sword and trigger the alarms. I have to say, I missed the bloke. Hiro gets the sword, his powers return, and he teleports him and Ando to the future, where they’ve failed to stop the bomb. Oops. Makes me wonder: was that picture of the dinosaur from post-apocalypse New York?

-Jessica discovers that Nikki has been getting out a little bit here and there, just enough to sabotage her relationship with DL. She still goes on her Nathan-hunting assignment and delightfully kills the two Feds working the Linderman case. Then Nikki somehow takes back over and warns Nathan about what’s going on with Linderman, and instructs him to knock her out. He does. I must say, I’m growing worried about this character. Her screen time has been waaaay reduced, and I hear reports that Larter is a total diva on set. I’m afraid she’ll get whacked before too long, and that would sadden me. I really like this character.

-Matt’s still stuck with The Company. Who really cares?

I can’t believe I have to wait like two months to find out what happens next. DAMN IT!