Holy. Crap. Last night the guys sucked like Hoovers, with even the best performances coming off decent at best. Tonight the girls owned it, as nearly half of them were amazing. It irks me that there are at least eight girls better than any one of those men, and we’ll have to lose at least two of them due to the stupid rules. Anyway, on with the show.

 Stephanie Edwards, where have you been all my life? My god, she is a revelation. This is the first we’ve ever seen of her --- why did they keep this woman hidden away? She sings a song I don’t know, but she sings the hell out of it. There’s no oversinging (a habit in this competition), she’s got personality in spades --- it’s so light and fresh! Shades of LaToya London. She is gorgeous and I want to have her babies.

Amy Krebs needs to keep her hair straight. It’s much more flattering. She tries on Bonnie Raitt’s “I Can’t Make You Love Me,” and finds that the lows are too low for her. She really scrapes the bottom of her range and gets off-key in parts. When she doesn’t know what to do she throws in useless runs. She’s not great, but she’s OK. She needed to be great to overcome the WHO? Factor.

Leslie Hunt sings “Natural Woman,” which Randy ascribes to Aretha but I always think of Carole King. She actually sings it pretty well. She has a unique, smoky voice. She’s a bit of a spazz, but that worked for this song. The judges were too harsh on her, I think.

Sabrina Sloan sings some song I don’t know, but she sings it really goddamn well. She reminds me of my beloved Vonzell Solomon. She’s got a great upper register. Clear, effortless. Little flat on the last note, which may cost her a bit. But she was great! This is going to be very hard, picking between these women.

Or maybe not. Antonella Barba already has most of America’s ire after her antics with her useless bitch of a best friend in Hollywood. She sings the equally useless Aerosmith song “I Don’t Want to Miss a Thing.” I don’t know what she was thinking picking this song --- it swallows her whole, and she’s flat to boot. It’s amateur hour compared to the first four. Bye, Antonella!

Jordin Sparks comes on with “Give Me One Reason” by Traci Chapman. Look, I love Traci. I love this song. I think I love Jordin. But it seems like a weird fit for this bubbly 17-year-old. She’s got spirit, and Traci, well, doesn’t. It’s a little low for her, too. But then she gets to the upper register, and girl can blow. She ends up totally rocking it by the end. The beginning just took too long to get there. Song choice, girl. Song choice. Although it might have been a calculated move on her part, going with something grittier to counteract Simon’s too-sweet criticism. Anyway, she’s amazing.

Nicole Tranquillo sings some Aretha song I don’t know. Well, shouts, really. She makes some ugly faces when singing. And she’s trying way too hard. It’s just awful, doesn’t showcase her voice at all. So much shouting! I feel assaulted by Nicole. I couldn’t even begin to tell you what she was saying. The guys love it, which should tell you it sucked. Simon called it “indulgent,” and totally.

Haley Scarnato is pretty. She chooses “It’s All Coming Back to Me Now.” Girl, you gonna sing Celine, you gotta bring it. It’s very Broadway, and she’s got a massive case of gospel jaw. There’s nothing pop star about her voice. I just keep seeing Belle in “Beauty & the Beast.” Also, boring.

Melinda Doolittle sings the third (!) Aretha of the night, and she came loaded for bear. She bounces all over the stage and has a wonderful voice. She still looks and sounds old, but I don’t care. It’s like rocking out to my mom. Ton of character in her voice --- she will make for some great recordings. Simon just salivates over her potential record sales. Beware, Melinda.

Alaina Alexander is also pretty. That is all. She attempts The Pretenders’ “Brass in Pocket,” and it is WAY too low for her. I think she screwed up the words, too. She takes every bit of punk and rock out of this song. Chrissie Hynde would vomit if she saw this. It’s crazy amateur. It got a little better toward the end, but nowhere near where she needs to be given her competition.

Gina Glocksen takes on “All By Myself.” Initially I was afraid this song was too big for Gina, and I like her. She has a nice low register, but I want more fun songs from Gina. She’s got spunk. But actually, she surprised me here --- she’s got a better voice than I expected. Good job, Gina. I’m actually proud of her.

Lakisha Jones closes out the night singing f**king “And I am Telling You” from Dreamgirls. I really do hate that sing. It’s so over the top. But trusty Lakisha sings the hell out of it. Lakisha, I have taken you to my bosom. Do not let me down. Simon all but crowns her this year’s idol. I’m not sure. We said the same thing about Mandisa last year, and she faded FAST. At this point, I’m guessing Melinda (or Jordin) v. Blake (or Chris S.) in the F2. Pure speculation.

Tonight: Bye, Antonella and Alaina! Also in trouble: Haley and Nicole. Gone by Week 3, Amy and Leslie. Leaving a Top 6 girls of Lakisha, Melinda, Sabrina, Jordin, Stephanie, and Gina. And that’s pretty awesome. Let’s make it happen, people!