OH, AMERICA! Just when I've pretty much given up on you, you go and pull a shockeroo decision like this. All is forgiven.

After a fairly terrible group sing to "Stuck in the Middle With You," in which Sundance notably gets the pimp spot, the long road to the Final 12 finally ends. Most of the expected folks get the good news early --- Blake and Lakisha, Chris Sligh, Jordin (so glad she's safe), Melinda and Phil. And then we get our first cut: Jared. No surprise, but needless to say I'm very pleased. Then some more get through: Chris Robinson, Gina, Brandon (that one shocked me). And then our second cut: Antonella. Gotta say, kind of shocked. She is devastated and cries, and it's in that momen that I realize that this show has absolutely destroyed her life. Well, no. That's not true. She's ultimately responsible for taking her top off for any person with a camera in the tri-state area. But how was she to know she'd become a demi-celebrity in the MySpace age? I guess nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition....

Stephanie is in, and that's a relief. It leaves us only with Haley and Sabrina, and Sundance and Sanjaya. And then reality becomes unglued. The girls are dispatched first, as HALEY SCARNATO MAKES THE TOP 12. Can someone explain this to me? Who on earth is voting for this girl? "If My Heart Had Wings"? "Queen of the Night"?! Whatever awful song she sung the first week? More people vote for that than for lovely, lovely Sabrina? The judges are appalled, but I think Simon needs to take at least a little of the blame. Haley undoubtedly got some sympathy votes after his vicious attack last night. It doesn't really matter, though. She'll be Melissa McGhee'd with a quickness next week, and the world will forget she ever existed. I'm forgetting her right now. Bye, Sabrina. You are very pretty, and gave us two good performances. The competition is just too stupid for you.

And yet, maybe not. With a Sanjaya/Sundance pairing there's only one way it can go down. Sanjaya has been horrible and the judges hate him for it. Sundance has been horrible but the judges love him for it and want him to win the show. So imagine my shock and delight when it is FAT, STUPID, SHOUTY SUNDANCE! who gets the boot. Oh, delicious. Oddly enough, Mr. Crybaby for the Cameras last week doesn't shed a single tear. Funny that. What a goddamn fake piece of crap. The judges are totally stunned --- Simon rolls his eyes --- and Paula says that "No offense to Sanjaya, but this is a singing competition, and we just lost one of our finest." Well, if you discount every awful performance during Hollywood, the awful performance in Week 1 of semifinals, and the embarrassing performance this week in semifinals, that could maybe possibly be true. But it's not. From his first, overpraised audition to his last, undercriticized performance, Sundance never once did a damn thing that was original or interesting. He's barely even serviceable. Good. Riddance.

So our Top 12 is: Blake, Chris R., Chris S., Brandon, Phil, Sanjaya, Lakisha, Stephanie, Jordin, Melinda, Gina, and Haley. And the next few weeks will go a little something like this:

-First three weeks: Haley, Sanjaya, Brandon. In that order. No question.

-Second three weeks: Phil, Stephanie, Gina. I'd also say Lakisha will be in danger thereabouts.

-Third three weeks: Lakisha, Jordin, Chris R.

-Last three weeks: That leaves a final three of Melinda, Chris S., and Blake (but Chris R. could sub in for Blake depending on if he starts stepping up his game). And it's really no contest. Melinda Doolittle is your 2007 American Idol. Let's see if it comes true.