"Idol" 2007, Part 4: Even cowgirls get the blues
By Eric Rezsnyak on Jan. 24th, 2007 at 10:32pm 2 Comments
We're in New York, and predictably get the best crop of talent thus far. Somehow this two-hour episode went by quicker than all of the previous three combined. Probably because we had some genuine contenders in the mix.
THE GOOD:
Jenry Bejarano says
he's 16, but he looks like a 20something to me. And also, a male model. Disgustingly handsome, and a nice voice to boot. Best part: He's totally, adorably humble (or at least fakes it well), and is clearly over-the-moon about his adoptive mom. Awww! Total ringer for Top 12.
Jory Steinberg is 25 and originally from Canada, where I'm guessing she was a child performer of some kind because she name drops like crazy (without managing to drop any actual names. Weird). She is obnoxious and full of herself, but you know what? She's got the talent to back it up. She's absolutely insufferable as a human being, but great as a singer. So she's totally in.
I didn't catch Maribel's last name because at first I thought she was going to be one of those loser auditions. The whole goofy "Rocky" theme, the "Idol boot camp" bit, the "I lost all this weight just to try out for 'American Idol'" -- she had all of the hallmarks of a delusional wannabe. But she's actually a foxy, vaguely raunchy tough chick and I am completely in love with her. Her voice is distinctive (although not a lot of range) and she's going to have a tough time with some of the softer stuff, but she's got a great style and vibe.
Christopher Richardson looks and sounds a bit like Justin Timberlake. He has no discernible personality whatsoever. Simon expects that he'll wow them in Hollywood week. I hope he's right, because...I could get behind that.
THE "GOOD":
Sarah Burgess is so pretty. And she is either a major drama queen or a total liar. She's 19 and spins this sad-sack tale about how she skipped school in Ohio (she's 19, which...shouldn't she be in college? You don't say "I skipped school" if you're in college) to come to these auditions even though her daddy told her not to because he's mean and doesn't believe her and please daddy won't you believe in me boo hoo hoo. It goes on like this. She gets in and starts crying for the judges again about how life is so hard when you have such a mean daddy. The judges are swayed by this. I am swayed by the overwhelming stench of bullshit. When she finally sings, it is very loud, very shouty, and very lacking in any kind of range. She is mediocre at best. But she "touches" the judges and gets through, and then --- and this is the clincher, folks --- Seacrest has her call her dad on speakerphone to tell him the news. She starts the conversation with "I've got something to tell you." Doesn't even ID herself. She calls him daddy multiple times, and this guy --- who has a very sweet, totally non-threatening voice --- asks "Who is this?" (Exhibit A: What controlling father would not recognize his own daughter's voice, or catch on to the words "Daddy"?) And when she starts crying about how she totally disobeyed his orders to come here but got through and please don't be mad, he's all "That's great!" (Exhibit B). She is so fake, and I hate her. If she makes it to Top 12 I'm going to make it my life's mission to destroy her.
Amanda and Antonella are best friends who think they're the Jersey incarnation of Paris and Nicole. Gag me. They talk about how they go to the beach and shop (their favorite thing! OMG!), and they are both singers, and should both win Idol together because "together we're sexy." And co-dependent. Amanda --- clearly the Queen Bee here --- is very confident in her vocal training. She shouldn't be. She's fine, but there's nothing current or interesting about her voice at all. Interestingly, Antonella, who Amanda clearly despises and keeps around to be her ego fluffer, actually is amazing. She's got a bit of a horse face, but a gorgeous, natural voice. They both get through, and my fondest wish is that Amanda is sent packing in Hollywood, and Antonella stays on, because I think this one can be salvaged, people. We just need to get her away from the Mean Girl.
Rachel Zevita is an obnoxious 16-year-old who has no idea who she is but of course wants to be "herself." Right now that means aping age-inappropriate role models like Jeff Buckley and acting like a hippy. I'm sure she thinks she's very original. She sings a couple different songs, each one sounding entirely different from the last, but does her best singing "Get Here" very sweetly. She's through, and I look forward to watching her dream get crushed on national TV.
Nicholas Pedro quit in the middle of Hollywood week last year when he couldn't remember the words to "Buttercup" (...dude, there are like 10 words in that whole song). And yet, he doesn't like being called a quitter because that's not who he is; he tried. Yes, but you also quit. And so...you are a quitter. He gets through again by singing in his falsetto-ish croon, and Paula just loves him. I don't see anything "star" about this guy at all.
THE GOOD FOR TELEVISION:
Isadora was supposed to be our big nutjob of the night, but to me she paled in comparison to some of the other characters. She's a palm-reader and street busker who wears a ratty pink cowgirl hat --- one of many tonight --- and she moans through "Lady Marmalade" as though she's speaking in tongues. It's pretty fascinating to watch. Less fascinating is her shifty-eyed exit interview, in which we learn she is disturbed indeed.
But that's nothing compared to Ashanti Johnson, a three-time Idol auditionee and two-time Hollywood week performer who gets shut out this time and launches into the most eloquent and yet absurd monologue ever delivered on this or any other TV program ever. She goes on for a solid three minutes or so about how she needs this and deserves this and if they give her the one thing they haven't given her --- the chance for America to vote for her --- they would see what they're missing. We see what we're missing, and that is a really great little actress. Screw "Idol," baby. Hit Broadway.
Nakia Claiborne needs to stop! She is a manic ball of energy before her audtion, a human Weeble Wobble swaying, laughing, singing, jumping all around. I'm exhausted watching her. Her up-tempo "Dancing in the Street" is almost passable, but when she shifts into a slow song, it's horrendous, and the judges very patiently explain to her that she has no sense of pitch. And then she just plummets into a terrifyingly profound depression. For Nakia, the highs are high, the lows are low.
The lowest, however, is Sarah f'ing Goldberg, who should be either hospitalized or medicated immediately. Sarah too sports a goofy pink cowgirl hat and, after butchering Selena's "Dreaming of You," has a full-on mental breakdown in which she explains that she's not a singer and has never sung (except...you just did), but that she is the next American Idol because she is unique. If they train her, she can do it. You don't have to sing to be an American Idol! Randy pretty awesomely explains to her how that is actually antithetical to the entire competition, and she is an argumentative, smug bitch in response. Best part: as she storms out, our old friend the locked door makes a comeback, and she pushes away to no avail for a few glorious seconds before someone clues her in. And then she goes into the holding pen and literally shrieks about how awful they were to her, and how unprofessional it is that they went out drinking the last night. Yeah. I honestly hope her family watched that and immediately got her help.
I will not justify Ian Bernardo's shameless fame whoring by discussing it here, except to say that I hope he wasn't actually invited to audition by the producers after his "performance" on "So You Think You Can Dance" this summer. That is beyond gross.
User Comments
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Simone on January 26th, 2007
Hi Eric,
Nice blog and yes you must get writers cramp doing the run down each night. I know I do. I agree there have been some really strange characters again this year. WIll do my best to check in here to read your take on things. Had a hard time finding the blog here though. Need to tell City that they should put a link to this on the FRONT page of their website. I would hope they realize Idol is one of the biggest shows on TV and your blog could draw extra people to the site. Hope they will also print excerpts in upcoming print issues as well. Keep up the great work!
Just Call Me Simone!
http://myidol.americanidol.com/blogs/QueenOfTheScene
Kara on January 28th, 2007
I'm pretty sure Goldberg was manic depressive. If you kill the plans of someone in a hypomanic stage, they've been known to lose their minds.