We have officially reached the part of the season where I get physically exhausted just by watching this show. It never ends. I want my life back! But we must soldier on.

Thankfully two of these suckers went home last night, and it was indeed the right two. Thank you, America. I got a little bit of hope back...

...but I also lost even more when, to fill the entire, totally unnecessary hour-long episode, we had offensive filler. More man-on-the-street interviews, more blowing smoke up Blake's ass from Tuesday's performance (it wasn't original or a risk, America; he's done the same thing for weeks. Think critically!), more tooting of the "Idol Gives Back" horn and harassment for your hard-earned money. It all made me a little sick.

But not as sick as when this "singer" named Robin Thicke came on stage and "performed" some "song" I have never heard. And my friend tells me that this "song" is very popular. I am agog. This is not a song. This is a creepy, creepy man on stage mumbling in a bad falsetto. There is no rhythm, no dynamics, no delivery, no nothing. THIS IS NOT A SONG! I don't even know what that was, but that man wouldn't make it through the initial auditions. He'd be one of those poor mentally ill people that Simon and the producers love to make fun of because making fun of the mentally ill is HILARIOUS, right? And this is popular? America, sometimes I just do not understand you...

So anyway, we got two sets of results, with the group split in half. First group: Melinda, Lakisha, Phil. I was kind of hoping that LaKiKi would go home, but no, it's Phil. TOTALLY fine with that. He gets the Carrie Underwood "I'll Stand By You" song for his montage, which is hilarious since he couldn't even manage to be with his wife when she was giving birth to his own daughter. But whatever. I'm glad you're dead, Phil. Or undead, as the case my be.

Then vaguely creepy freak show-inspired pimpomercial set to "Paint it Black." I don't know who's in charge of these this year, but they are making some very poor musical choices. I mean, I love that song, but this group? Is not really a Rolling Stones group. A few things to note: Lakisha and Phil are almost completely ignored (although Phil sure looks like a freak, so he fits), Chris wears a sleeveless vest (thank you), and if Fall Out Boy ever needs a new lead singer, Blake wears the eye makeup suspiciously well.

Then Bon Jovi performed some terrible new song. Give up already, guys. You don't even have your looks anymore, so what's the point? I flicked to a repeat of "Shear Genius," an episode I've already watched literally four times. I preferred that over a Bon Jovi performance. What does that tell you? The final group of Blake, Chris, and Jordin are brought up. Except Jordin, who is told to sit down immediately after the BS Seacrest pulled on her last week. Thank GOD. So total gay boyfriends (not really) Blake and Chris are left, and of course it is terrible Chris going home. A few weeks too late by my estimation. I think it's awesome that the two guys that sung Bon Jovi's lame cowboy song catalogue last night got cut. He gets the typical Daughtry elimination music, and it occurred to me that if he'd been a mute we probably would have gotten along spectacularly.

Next week: The Gibb Brothers are here to make you boogie! I am legitimately excited!