The initially promising Cycle 9 of "America's Next Top Model" came to its inevitable, pathetic conclusion last night as Saleisha was crowned our winner. I am shocked, shocked I tell you. It's funny that Tyra actually said that she never imagined that she'd have a final two consisting of Saleisha and Chantal (CHANTAL!), since I don't think anyone else who watched the first half of this season would have either. The show has apparently abandoned fierceness for mediocrity.

In Saleisha's defense, she absolutely commanded the final runway. But walking has always been her strong suit. Her pictures have been largely forgettable (although she surged in the past two week, with her China pics among the best of the bunch), her commercials are stagy and not helped by her annoying nasal voice, and her "bubbly" personality is actually gratingly perky. The fact that she has previously worked for Tyra on both her talk show and in an episode "Top Model" Cycle 5, and attended Tyra's T-Zone camp, makes it look an awful lot like a fix. I cannot conceive why Tyra would open herself up to allegations of rigging the competition since there are countless stupid, vaguely pretty girls begging to be on this show. But there you have it: Tyra's got some ‘splainin' to do. (I can't help but think that Saleisha has incriminating photos of Tyra doing unseemly things to a rack of ribs...)

By the end I was actually more entertained by this episode than I expected to be. I fully expected a Jenah/Saleisha final two, and the fact that Chantal somehow skated into the final totally blew me away. Chantal? REALLY?! Talk about dullsville. I guess Tyra really had little choice as Jenah was imploding before the panel almost every week since landing in China (finally, her performance matched her atrocious weave). But despite looking like hell nearly every time she came to panel, Jenah took amazing shots. Chantal was just kind of there. She succeeded by being not quite as shitty as some other girl every week. And she somehow made it into F2. Amazing.

All the hating aside, that last runway show was worth the price of admission for two reasons: 1) The gowns were stunning, probably the best clothes ever featured in a "Top Model" finale (that second outfit on Chantal? The gorgeous purple gown? Amazing!). And 2) Chantal accidentally took down one of the stilt walkers, and then when her dress got caught underneath him, completely lost her shit on the runway. I've never seen anything like that on this show, ever. She hilariously tried to pass it off as she "didn't break character," but I hope she was watching this episode at home and started weeping when she saw just how badly she freaked out. HI-larious.

It was kind of fitting that my friend's TiVo cut out the actual announcement of Saleisha's victory, since nobody really cared at that point. No matter who took the title it would be the least inspiring "Top Model" win since Naima in Cycle 4. As if Mushroom Head's going to have an actual career. Please. It's just mind-boggling that a season that started out with so many gorgeous girls-Heather, Sarah, you left too soon-ended up with...Saleisha.

Sigh. Well, Cycle 10 is right around the corner, and it's now reportedly Twiggy free. (Good riddance, you sweet, useless crone.) In the meantime, I wish I could recommend the mom/daughter pageant show "Crowned" as a worthy camp replacement, but honestly the first episode kind of sucked. More Carson Kressley, less of just about everything else.