TV is in a weird place right now. Most of the big shows are finally coming back after that damnable strike, but it's been a rocky return for many of them. (Both "30 Rock" and "The Office" have seriously regressed, in my opinion, and I'm curious to see what happens when most of the ABC drams return next week.) So with the tried-and-true shows trying to rediscover their grooves, and few new shows on the air, it could have been a rough couple weeks.

Thankfully, we have VH1. The network was just about to lose me-again-since its "Celebreality" programming block has seriously gone to the crapper. Despite its somewhat shocking ending and what looks to be a fantastic reunion show (blows to the head! hair pulling!), "Rock of Love 2" came nowhere close to living up to the debauchery of the original season. The "Flavor of Love" franchise is officially toast, as this latest, third installment is just clearly going through the motions so that Flav can line his clocks with more bling. "Celebrity Fit Club" has increasingly focused on the other meaning of "fit," as the supposed weight-loss program increasingly focuses on its "stars" getting drunk and then having embarrassing meltdowns in front of panel. And don't even get me started on "Egotrip's Miss Rap Supreme."

But there is a light, and it comes from one of those tacky saint candles. "Viva Hollywood" premiered Sunday night on the alleged music channel, and it is amazing. Combining the most compulsively watchable elements of reality TV (impossibly attractive, horny people all living in one house; an emotionally brutal elimination process; washed-up celebs debasing themselves for a few more scraps of fame) with the even MORE compulsively watchable elements of Latin telenovelas, it is maybe the best show ever.

The purpose of the show is to find the next great Latin telenovela star. Except that it's based in America and the would-be actors speak English. Yeah, I don't get it either. For those who don't know, telenovelas are Spanish-language soap operas, and they are a million times better than their American counterparts. Whereas it takes months for anything to go anywhere in U.S. soaps, in a single episode of a telenovela I watched on Univision, a young woman cheated on her husband, discovered she had cancer, was cured of cancer, discovered her husband cheating on her with her best friend, and then moved on to another hot guy. In one episode! At least I think that's what happened. It was in Spanish, and I only caught maybe 30 percent of what they were saying.

Back to "Viva Hollywood": In the premiere episode the 12 contestants moved into La Casa de Locos (literally "The Crazy House") to learn the seven deadly sins of telenovelas. The first lesson was "Passion," which somehow translated into stage fighting. The actors paired up and learned how to slap, punch, pull hair, and throw drinks in people's faces; then they were given their first scenes (all in English, which really tripped up some of the non-native peakers), all of which were based around their new faux fighting skill sets. A jealous maid and her rich trophy wife boss toppled into the pool. A rancher attacked his farmhand for sleeping with his mother. And in the best scene, two sisters threw handfuls of spaghetti at one another and then wrestled on the ground after the one slept with the other's boyfriend after becoming sexually compulsive following a car accident caused by the first one. Love it!

Every week co-host Carlos Ponce (total fox) picks the person who performed the worst in the challenges and puts them up for elimination. And then, in a delicious twist, the second person is selected by popular vote of the house, which has already fractured into pretty obvious cliques. The two selected contestants then participate in El Duelo ("The Duel"), in which they beg, plead, and cry in front of the judging panel-preceded over by Maria Conchita Alonso, still fierce despite her waxen face-and Alonso ultimately decides which one goes home. The contestants discover their fate by watching a pre-recorded soap scene in which the two possible eliminees are in mortal danger, and only one survives. Whoever "dies" leaves the house. Freaking genius.

In the first episode we lost zaftig single mother Jainmy. She had potential to be a delicious bitch, but ultimately she just turned out to be kind of a self-important pill, and frankly a pretty crappy actress. Interestingly, her challenger, Janet, performed terribly in the English-language scene but totally came alive in the elimination's Spanish-language clip.

Somewhere in all of this is the terrifying Walter Mercado - apparently some kind of Latin celebrity astrologist, and also a dead ringer for Ellen Burstyn circa "Requiem for a Dream" - who I guess will act as a spiritual advisor to the contestants. Astrology is apparently very big in Latin America.

The beefcake factor on this show is off the charts, with Ponce backed up by the diminutive (and sadly totally untalented) Alexcy, the deservedly pompous Vinci, and bald and beautiful Berto, possibly the hottest thing to ever roam the planet. (An upcoming nude scene features a sombrero digitally added to cover li'l Berto. Ay caramba!) Sadly, the lades aren't as smoking, with the notable exception of stunning Gisel, and Roseny, who's pretty in a kind of 80's hair/"Dynasty" way.