So let me get this straight: I’ve spent the last four weeks watching assholes who can’t sing, and now that we’re to the part where people who can sing are fighting for survival the producers cram it into one episode? How does that even make sense? Freaking “Idol.” Anyway, it’s Hollywood Week, my favorite time of the year. We start with 172. We end with 40. Let the slaughtering of dreams begin!

CANNON FODDER:

-The military contingent of Marine Jarrod Fowler and Army servicewoman Rachel Jenkins (both tried out in Minneapolis) are cut quickly, which gives me great pleasure. They were both mediocre, and I feared that sentimentality might have unfairly swayed votes their way *cough*Josh Gracin*cough*.

-Ashlyn Carr’s (San Antonio) second chance did not materialize into a third, and she’s booted after Round 1.

�-I’m thrilled to report that Sarah Burgess (New York), the 5’6” sack of bullshit who wept over her made-up story about an unsupportive dad, got the boot almost immediately. Yea!

�-Perla Meneses (Minneapolis) got by the first round on personality alone (I guess obnoxious and grating are good qualities?), but was exposed as the joke she is during groups when she blew her harmonies and lyrics, and made goofy faces. Good riddance to bad rubbish.

-Some girl named Nicole Turner wastes seeming hours of my life as she complains to the judges after being cut that she didn’t sing the song she wanted --- her mom made her choose a different song. Well, she’s only 27. She can’t be expected to make her own choices, people. And guess what? Mom came along, and goes out on stage to plead with the judges. Simon literally walks away. I wish I could have too. Idiots.

COULD’A BEEN CONTENDERS:

-I was seriously stunned to see Jordy Steinberg (New York) bounced in Round 1. I had her as a ringer for Top 12. I blame her choice of an Anastasia song. Who sings that?

�-Tiny gay-in-training Matt Sato’s huge pimple cleared up after his initial audition in Minneapolis. Unfortunately, his affectations have not. He gets through Round 1 and once again calls him mom on the cell and sobs. This is becoming a habit, and a bad one. He actually says, “She never says she loves me, either.” Oh, Matt. You are a drama queen, and you need to spend the next several years in family therapy, not auditioning for “American Idol.” To help him with those pursuits, he is bounced after sucking wind in group rounds.

�-The Ballad of Baylie Brown. This was the shocker of the night for me. The 16-year-old small-town fashionista (San Antonio) aced the first solo round, but for groups made the disastrous choice to align with the Coven of the Damned, a.k.a. New Jersey Mean Girls Amanda and Antonella (New York). The sniping started immediately, with Antonella dishing most of it to her supposed BFF (love it!) In a move that shocked no one, Amanda was revealed to be the bitch we all knew her to be by abandoning her struggling group during practice so she could flirt with boys. At the actual performance, Baylie�blows it, forgetting her words, everything. She’s cut. Amanda says it’s “because god likes good people.” She is a hateful bitch and she does get cut in the end, but I’m sad about Baylie. She had Top 6 written all over her.

MOVING ON:

It was tough to see exactly who made it through to Wednesday’s Top 40 episode (a.k.a. The Chair, where the judges pick the Top 24). But the ones we did see include:

�-Jack Osbourne lookalike Chris Sligh (Buckingham) and beatboxer Blake Lewis (Seattle), who are pretty sure things for Top 12. Blake is the leading contender right now.

�-Adorable faux punkster Gina Glocksen, who survived singing with Perla, and should win the title for that alone.

�-Matt Buckstein, my Hollywood crush from last year, now free of the discordant Pocket Cowboy.

�-Antonella, but not Amanda! HA HA! I really think we can save this one, guys.

�-Sunjaya (Seattle), but not his sister Shyamali, which is very sad to me.

�-Tami Gosnell, the, er, handsome Janis Joplin-esque singer from the “Best of the Rest” episode.

�-Sundance Head. Let me tell you this right now: Sundance is my new Taylor Hicks. The “Idol” producers are forcing him on me, and I feel violated. There’s no way he should have made it through Hollywood. He blew his Round 1 solo and was atrocious during groups, screaming off-key and looking like a stuck pig. For reasons that escape me he has been appointed the “pimp-ee” of the season, and he is destined for Top 12. But y’all, he is not good. He is full of himself. And he is not commercial. They clearly think he’s the new Taylor Hicks. And you know where Taylor’s album is? It’s in the toilet. Learn from that, America. Let’s not repeat our mistakes. Vote “No” on Sundance Head in 2007. It’s up to you.

MISSING IN ACTION:

New York auditioners Jenry Bejarano (he of the model looks, sweet demeanor, and decent voice), Christopher Richardson (watered-down JT), and Rachel Zevita (irritating opera girl), plus Alaina Alexander, the seeming ringer from LA, and Ebony, the amazing rollerskating server girl. Hopefully we’ll learn their fates tonight.