Now that "Top Chef" is over (that punk Ilan won, if you care; I certainly don't) Bravo needed some new reality crack to keep us addicted. And so it offers this interior design-based competition, which frankly kind of sucks. We're introduced to 12 designers, and only the men make any kind of impression. The women are just a blur of long hair and pantsuits. The first challenge requires the designers to pair up and create a room for a "mystery celebrity" based only on five items said celeb has provided. These are a kitschy mix of a cartoon cat statue, a mounted butterfly, circular mini-TV, etc. They have two days and $50,000 (!!!) to make it happen. The results are universally tasteful, if not boring. LOTS of mossy green on those walls. When the celeb is revealed to be pioneering tranny Alexis Arquette (love her, seriously) most of the rooms seem totally inappropriate. In the end, the instantly forgettable Heather and Lisa get the boot for basically making a Chinese restaurant booth.

But the real interest comes from the venomous sparring of boorish John and mincing Michael. The two of them hate each other from the get-go and are, predictably, paired together for the assignment. It is not pretty. John makes cringe-inducing remarks about not wanting to room and be around all these "queens" (which, not to put too fine a point on it, but a) welcome to the world of interior design and b) you're not exactly Captain Butch yourself, pal, despite that bulldog mug of yours), and then he dominates Michael in a pretty brutal fashion. Michael meanwhile does a whole lot of bitching and complaining, and very little work. He gets called out for never having painted a room before, and I find that sad (I love painting rooms) and also a dumb move for someone coming on a design show. It's like when "Amazing Race" competitors don't bother to learn stick shift before going on the show. Anyway, we have our first major rivalry of the season.

And thank god for it, because the rest of the show is BOR-ING. Todd Oldham is our host, but not our judge. He's far too kind, or whatever. He's also WAY too skinny, his face too rubbery, and his delivery is painfully phony. This was a really bad hire, even worse than robotic Katie Lee Joel from "Top Chef" 1. The judges are similarly unimpressive. Head judge Jonathan Adler has at least some spark, but Kelly Wearstler perenially looks as though she smells poo on someone's shoe. Elle Decor editor Margaret Russell is supposed to be our Nina Garcia, but she's too much of a WASP to be truly bitchy. It's kind of sad.

 The previews for the rest of the season offer nothing explosive or interesting. I may tune in next week, who knows. But I'm going to make the prediction right now: an F4 of Goil (really like him), Felicia, John, and Michael. Ryan could steal Michael's place, though.