� After last week's mostly decent performances the boys return to the awfulness we became accustomed to in Week 1 of semifinals. It's pathetic that at this stage in the game --- where the contestants should be getting better every week --- they continue to flatline. I cringe to think what's coming with any of these guys once the mid-finals malaise hits and they're all exhausted or bored. How could it get worse?

Blake opens the show with 311's "All Mixed Up," and again the judges act like he has arrived from Mars with this new sound that they've never heard of or contemplated. Did Randy and Paula just totally skip the mid-'90s? Because 311 had at least two or three solid hits. Anyway, it's typical Blake: passable vocals gilded by generous dollops of beatboxing. Blake is the strongest guy candidate, and that's kind of sad. Also sad: the fact that Blake is an improv comedy nut and has "characters" that he does, like the redneck caricature he regales us with in his intro clip. Minus, like, 1 million points, Blake.

Sanjaya flat-ironed his hair. Every week, a new style with this kid. He's like a living Bratz doll. Amazing. He chooses John Mayer's "Waiting on the World to Change," a boring song I already hate. But something weird happens --- Sanjaya gets a spark three-quarters of the way through. It's alive, people! Maybe in the presence of another boring, Sanjaya's natural boring personality flares up, like Japanese fighting fish or something. It is unquestionably his best performance to date, but comparatively still pretty much sucks. All the judges tell him so, even Paula, who blames him for AJ going home. (I do too, kind of.) Simon point blank tells him that his hair is what's keeping him in the competition, and everyone reacts like he just accused the kid of fellating cats or something. Simon speaks the truth, people. Most of the time. And he's dead on with the hair thing. What's the first thing I always mention about the kid? Exactly.

F'ing Sundance has a fauxhawk and is dressed straight from the American Eagle collection. And he thinks this is an appropriate look in which to present Pearl Jam's "Jeremy." So, OK. Let's first dissect this: Sundance was initially presented to us as a blues singer. He has now chosen to sing 1) The Moody Blues (not a blues band); 2) Wilson Pickett (relatively bluesy); and 3) a grunge rock song. Who is this person? I'm all for taking risks, but Pearl Jam?! Especially "Jeremy"?! An homage to school violence? And of course, he is awful. This guy can't keep the beat to save his life. He has zero stage presence. And he's consistently flat in every song. Every one! And then there is the screaming. He does excel at screaming. Nobody ever calls him on that, and it infuriates me. The judges have tepid reactions to his performance, which I think is staged so that he'll get sympathy votes to continue in the contest. Because the producers seem to want him to win. Which blows my mind because we already have a Taylor Hicks, and nobody wants him anyway.

Chris Richardson reveals in his video intro that he used to be a fatty, which makes me love him even more. He sings some song by Keith Urban, apparently, and it is very whiny and fairly dull. Thing is, I think it's his best vocal yet. Simon wasn't wowed, and says he still thinks Chris hasn't shown us what he can really do. I agree completely. He's yet to have a star-making performance. No time like the present, kid...

Jared makes the daring choice to sing a Stevie Wonder song, in this case "If You Really Love Me." He mugs for the camera perhaps more than he ever has, and it is kind of gross and sad. This performance really clinched for me why I do not like Jared: he lacks even a shred of originality. In his three performances he's chosen Brian McKnight, Marvin Gaye, and Stevie Wonder. You just know that Al Green is coming next, if he had his druthers. Beyond that, he sings the songs exactly as those artists did. He is a copycat, and not a good one at that. I find his dependence on others offensive at this point, and I've had enough of him. Send him home! (And I think you will tomorrow.)

Brandonbusts out "I Just Want to Celebrate," and for the first time in the semi-finals finally doesn't hold back. He even has some energy! Sadly, even with his full commitment he's only mildly entertaining. In a really bad omen Simon calls him "Travis." Ouch. You've been here for weeks now and we don't even remember your name? Ciao, baby.

Phil reveals that he used to have long hair, but shaved it to fit in with some clique (surprise, surprise) and decided he liked it that way. So his judgment should be called into question right there. Add on his choice to perform the LeeAnn Rimes song "I Need You" and you have a human being who is very wrong in many ways. It is awful. Just awful. Once again Phil completely destroys the beginning of the song. He has no lower range whatsoever; it's like this garbled mess of half-words and half-notes. Sonic gruel, just as aurally appetizing as you'd think. When he gets to the chorus he literally just screams the words. It is beyond shouty. The judges finally take him to task for this, and Phil brown noses as best he can. He's still safe, but finally some cracks are emerging in his vampiric veneer. Bring down the stake, America!

Sligh ends the night with yet another song nobody knows, this one about "We All Want to Be Loved." Don't tell me what I want, Sligh. Also, better watch these "alternative" song choices unless you want to end up like one Nadia Turner. (Actually, Nadia and Chris have a lot in common with one another now that I think about it.) He sings it fine, I guess, but the judges pretty much hate it. I think they were tainted by how underwhelming the whole show was and took it out on Chris a bit. But he should be safe.

In the end, the judges say flat out that fully half of these chumps should go home. Alas, we can only pick off two. I desperately want Sanjaya gone, and I'm committed to that. But I won't mind if Jared and Brandon go home, and I suspect that's exactly what'll happen Thursday.

TONIGHT: I have to miss "Top Model" for this, and I'm already having a hard time dealing with it. (My friend with TiVo is out of town til tomorrow. Devil!) Anyway, I trust the girls will bring it. But no matter what happens, PLEASE DO NOT VOTE FOR ANTONELLA! Let go, people.