OK, people. It's time to get serious.

Tonight and tomorrow night we finish the "Idol" semifinal rounds, and our definitive Top 12 will be locked in. For the most part you've done OK so far --- I would've liked to have seen AJ hang around another week, but at least you dumped Nick's boring ass. Now we're in the danger zone. The whole affair dances on the edge of a knife or whatever. One bad voting decision could cost a potentially deserving candidate a shot at fleeting demi-stardom, and simultaneously give some New Jersey titty-flasher even more ill-gotten press attention. So let's make sure we're all on the same page, OK?

 It is acceptable to vote for the following male singers, regardless of how sucky they may be tonight:

-Blake Lewis

-Chris Sligh

-Chris Richardson

It is acceptable to vote for the following male singers only if they sing moderately well tonight:

-Brandon Rogers

-Jared Cotter

It is NOT acceptable to vote for the following male singers, but I know you will anyway:

-Phil Stacey

-SUNDANCE F'ING HEAD

It is NOT acceptable to vote for this male singer, even though you want to because he's cute and sexually non-threatening, but you will one day live to regret this infantile teenage crush, because I am telling you, girls --- he is gay. And you have plenty of time to legitimately date a gay man who will break your heart, so why bother wasting good karma on this loser now?

-Sanjaya Malakar

CONCLUSION: PLEASE DO NOT VOTE FOR SANJAYA! He does not want to be there! He does not deserve your votes! He is embarrassed for himself --- and for you for voting for him! Also, either Jared or Brandon has got to go. I would lean toward Brandon after his butchering of "Time After Time" last week, but that's because I'm a hardcore Lauperhead.

As for the ladies:

It is acceptable to vote for the following young women regardless of how sucky they may be Wednesday:

-Jordin Sparks

-Melinda Doolittle 

-Lakisha Jones

It is acceptable to vote for the following young women based on their performance Wednesday:

-Sabrina Sloan

-Stephanie Edwards

-Gina Glocksen

It is unacceptable to vote for the following young woman because she is boring and stupid:

-Haley Scarnato

It is unacceptable to vote for the following young woman because she is a hack, is a trashy whore whose filthy bits and dirty pillows I have seen on the Internets many times even though I HAVE NO INTEREST IN SEEING THEM, is an uppity bitch, and is unrepentantly dismissive of any suggestions that she is maybe kind of totally in way over her head:

-Antonella Barba

CONCLUSION: We have got to nip this Barba problem in the bud right now, folks. If she makes the Top 12 America is literally saying it prefers "hot" (I say, horse-faced), talentless slutbots to real women possessing letigimate singing abilities AND the good sense to keep their clothes on when in public, or in front of a camera. Would you really feel good in the morning knowing that, say, Stephanie Edwards or Sabrina Sloan went home just so you can continue masturbating to Antonella's horsey image for the next week or so? I mean, ew.

There are your marching orders. I know that we're supposed to be a "democracy" or whatever, but let's face it --- you blew it last time. Taylor Hicks?! Even the SHOW is embarrassed to be associated with that douchebag. Let's avoid a repeat, please. Ditch the losers while you still have a chance.