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March 15, 2007 at 8:26am

"Top Model": The old weave-ho

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Two exciting things happen this week: Makeovers! And the revealing of several stealth bitches!

On the makeover front, it's a pretty mixed bag. Brittany gets a brighter red and longer weave and it does a lot to minimize her manjaw problems. Also, it also does a lot to make her cry, which she appears to do frequently to the consternation of all the other girls. Sarah goes brunette, and it helps her features look more defined, I think, rather than the amorphous blog look she was rocking previously. Cassandra's sewn-on wig is removed from her head, and is replaced with a beautiful afro weave. Renee gets a shorter, choppier 'do, and it does wonderful job shaping her face. Felicia gets extensions and bangs, and the fivehead is no more! Dionne gets her locks cut off and I'm kind of ambivalent about it. Jaslene looks exactly the same. Diana goes blonde, but who really cares? Whitney's long locks really do nothing for her. Jael went through hours of pain getting a long weave sewn on, only to have it ripped out because Tyra thought it wasn't working. And poor Natasha drew the short stick with a goofy assymetrical chocolate brown cut that does her no favors whatsoever. It actually makes her look fat. They should have just chopped that mane off, y'all.

So, the bitchery: Renee has not only emerged as house bitch, she may be the top SERIES bitch. She has the worst, stankiest attitude of anyone on this show, ever. Even worse than S4's Brandy! Renee has an opinion about everybody and everything, except for herself. Her lack of self-awareness is truly awe-inspiring. Also, despite being arguably the prettiest girl there she has yet to take a really good photo. Ugly on the inside translating to her photos? Who knows. But Renee throws it down with crybaby Brittany, who everyone pretty much hates at this point. She goes so far as to give her the finger. Love it. But plus-sized girls Diana and Whitney even bring out the claws, with Whitney slapping Brittany down and Diana openly offering that "I hate that bitch so much." Wow! Who knew Diana had a pulse? Thing is, Brittany is taking some amazing photos and winning challenge after challenge. I don't see her sticking around that long, but we'll see. On the sad front, Sarah seems to be edging back from her campaign of bitchiness, and this makes me sad.

The photo shoot involved the girls posing nude except for liberal coatings of ice cream, candy, and sauces. Kind of gross, frankly. But some of the results --- especially Brittany's, who complained incessantly about the nudieness --- were pretty cool. Cassandra couldn't hack it, of course, and was sent home. At this point we've removed most of the obvious chaff (except boring Diana) so the next couple eliminations should get pretty interesting.

Next up: Renee breaks down. Love this season!

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