I don't know who spiked the Coca-Cola last night, but the judges were a delight. Randy had a modicum of personality, Paula was charmingly goofy (I feel like she was doing a performance art piece in homage to her enormous ascot...), and Simon was just plain sassy. His shirt was unbuttoned to his navel, he openly complained about how he can't criticize to Melinda, and he admitted that he just likes to be mean. And that's why we love you, Simon, and your socially inappropriate amounts of exposed chest hair.The theme was standards, the guest mentor Tony Bennett. I like Tony and

I'm sure people will say this was a "surprise" elimination, a la Stephanie. But I'm sad to say I saw it comin'. Gina did a nice-but-uninspiring performance of a nice-but-uninspiring song. The judges' reactions were tepid --- not overly praiseful, not overly critical (with the exception of Simon) --- and Gina was always a middle-tier contestant anyway. It all combined for an early exit. But she really had the perfect song for a sing-out, didn't she? "Smile, when your heart is breaking..."The real bitch of it is that Gina was outlived on the show by Sanjaya, Haley, and even Phil.

After a ridiculous four-week hiatus, "Desperate Housewives" finally returned last night. And it was good --- really good. First of all, they dropped the annoying storyline about Danielle's pregnancy (at least for now). In fact, Bree and her whole clan (Orson, Danielle, and Andrew) were completely gone. I know Marcia Cross is off for the rest of the season with her baby and, quite frankly, I didn't miss her. The entire Orson-Bree-Alma storyline was so outrageous anyway that without it, the show actually had some credibility tonight and lost a bit of the soap-y drama. Thank God!Even Susan wasn't all

The theme: Latin night. The guest mentor: Jennifer Lopez. The results: Surprisingly awesome. And in the exact opposite ways you would expect! Yes, we were through the looking glass last night. Up was down, down was up, and Sanjaya was good. Like actually good, not ironic good. And Haley was too! I know! To complete the dangerous circle, Melinda was so-so, Lakisha was bloody awful, and the judges were almost totally wrong.First, I have to say: I kind of loved Jennifer Lopez. I'd always looked at her with a bit of scorn. A smart businesswoman to be sure, and someone

There have been many, many week when Haley Scarnato deserved to go home. So of course on the week that she actually does really well, she is sent packing. I recognize that I'm in the minority on this opinion --- most people seem to think her number on Tuesday sucked as usual --- but come on, you can't argue that it was worse than the aural crimes inflicted on us by Phil Stacey or even, dare I say it, Chris Richardson. So, boo. I actually feel bad for Haley, and that is something I never wanted to happen. (By the

OUCH.Last night's "I Love New York" reunion special was brutal. Not only did most of the loser guys get served by the HBIC, but New York herself got dumped AGAIN on live TV AGAIN, in arguably the most brutal fashion yet. Yikes.Recapping the entire show would take too long, so I'll pick out some highlights. But I will say bravo to VH-1 for learning from the deadly dull "Flavor of Love 2" reunion and spicing this one up a bit. Now if only we could get rid of that broke-ass host, LaLa...-Most, but not all, of the boys were back.

Country night! Historically, not a good place for would-be Idols not named Carrie, Kellie, Bucky, or whoever that Army guy was. And last night was rough indeed. Martina McBride was the guest mentor. I like some of Martina's stuff, and she's surely had some big hits. But...doesn't she seem a little B-list after J-Lo and Gwen Stefani? We couldn't get Faith, or Reba, or --- my personal dream come true --- Dolly Parton?Phil opened the night singing Keith Urban's "Where the Blacktop Ends." As predicted, Phil proved fairly well suited for country --- it's all about phrasing and power notes

Cars flying into lakes, sex in limousines, lines like "Don't worry, it happens to everyone," and ex-cocaine addict sous chefs. It may sound like an episode of your daytime soap, but no, it was just last night's episode of Desperate Housewives. I want to be angry that a show that started out so smart and different than anything else on TV has devolved into something just a few notches above your average soap, but I must admit - I'm eating it up!To sum it up:I'm still grossed out by Edie and Carlos. I really hope this storyline dies fast, but

So, it finally happened. Sanjaya Malakar's cultural reign of terror is over.Let's break it down, folks.OF COURSE Sanjaya deserved to go home. If we're talking singing talent, the kid didn't deserve to make it into semi-finals, much less the Top 6. No argument there. But in terms of entertainment value, the show --- and the viewers --- just lost out. Sanjaya was the only interesting story about "Idol" this year. Yeah, Jordin and Melinda are always great. Blake is always....Blake. Lakisha is boring, Chris continues to transform into a shitty prick. Phil exists. This is not a dynamic group, and Sanjaya

The thrust of this week's episode was etiquette. The show brought in a predictably snooty etiquette coach to lead the girls through walking like a lady, sitting like a lady, eating like a lady, etc. Of course the coach threw around nasty glances and disparaging remarks with abandon (ever notice that the people who are supposed to be masters of refinement are typically the quickest to whip out the bitchery?). All of this was to prepare the women for "dates" with Andrew Firestone, heir to the Firestone tire fortune and one of the seemingly endless line of blandly handsome men

"Heroes" finally returned last night after an interminable three-month hiatus. And while the new episode wasn't a complete retread, it also wasn't as action-packed as the superlative few before it. Still, some revelations: -Linderman has powers. Duh. They appear to be to bring things back to life. That may be an oversimplification, though --- he waved his hand over a dried-up flower and it was suddenly full of blooms again. So who knows? I don't know how healing things would make someone the Big Bad, but I guess that's kind of the point. I can see how the Lazarus shtick

Last night was part one of the Biggest! Idol! Event! Ever! Also known as "Idol Gives Back," in which we interrupt the regular meaningless programming of America's favorite TV show to make people feel bad about homelessness and poverty in our country and Africa. And you know, we should feel bad. But I found myself surprisingly conflicted by the whole thing. More on that tomorrow after I see what tonight turns up.So the theme of the evening was inspirational songs. The mentor was allegedly Bono, but we literally don't even see him for a second. I'm dubious that he even

I didn't know something could be both manipulative and boring at the same time. And then I watched "Idol Gives Back." A stunning achievement, truly. As mentioned in yesterday's blog, I'm really conflicted about this whole "Idol" charity thing. Last night pushed me distinctly into the "this is kind of offensive" camp. Let me explain: I am all for charity. I am all for helping to end hunger and poverty and injustice in our world, and especially in our own country. I am all for the obscenely rich people in the business and entertainment communities opening their pockets and doing