I'm really ambivalent about last night's "Gossip Girl." It had some absolutely outstanding moments - hair pulling, orgy blackmail, ominous string quartets - but also some really disheartening developments.

The basic plot was just about everybody - Dan, Nate, Chuck, Serena, and Blair - headed to Yale for college interviews. And that kind of set me off right there. I realize that teen TV shows are kind of screwed, because people want to see the characters they know and love grow up. But it's just so ridiculous that everyone (minus Jenny and Eric, who are too young, and Vanessa, who barely matters) would be trying to go to the same school, even if it is f'ing Yale. The episode started with Serena planning on going to Brown, but changing her mind after being wooed by the publicity-loving dean, and also to teach Blair a lesson. But if they all end up at Yale next year, it's going to simply feel forced. Certainly Dan Humphrey - or newly poor Nate - can't afford Yale tuition, right?

The boys went off on their various quests, with Dan trying to suck up to the English Department to pad his application, Nate trying to bang a frankly plain-looking co-ed, and Chuck throwing the orgy of the century for the Skull & Bones secret society. But the real meat of the episode was the epic bitch-off between Blair and Serena.

The match has been building for weeks, ever since Serena kicked Dan to the curb and ascended to the top of the Upper East Side social ladder. But Yale was supposed to be off limits to her, since it's been Blair's dream since she was a zygote or something. But Blair - increasingly insecure, and acting out in ways that are totally believable and yet deeply unsettling, since I hate seeing her without control for even a millisecond - kept screwing herself by indirectly egging Serena on by constantly telling her frienemy that she could never get into Yale, no matter what.

It all built to a fantastic head at the dean's private soiree, which Blair had to bribe her way into with antique kitten statues (true story). There the dean played his standard parlor game, in which each guest has to write the name of the person, living or dead, real or imagined, he or she would like to have dinner with, and then everyone gathers to discuss. Worst. Party. Ever. Serena inadvertently found out the name of Blair's pick - who she knew also happened to be the dean's favorite author - and rubbed it in Blair's face. But in one of the greatest moments of this or ANY show, Blair surreptitiously fished out Serena's card and changed her pick to the name of the drug dealer Serena killed before Season 1 started. HA!

This, of course, led to the full-on catfight between Blair and Serena that I've been waiting for. Purse throwing! Hair pulling! Dress ripping! It should have been everything I wanted and yet...it wasn't. I think perhaps the actresses were having too much fun with it, or not enough, but never for a single second did I think they were actually physically fighting. Why didn't someone pop in a DVD of "Dynasty" and show them how the pros did it? Even the Jane/Sydney wedding dress/pool scene from "Melrose Place" would have been preferable. But this...I don't know. I was left underwhelmed. Underwhelmed by hair pulling. That says something, I think.

What's worse, after the fight the two decided that they were no longer friends anymore, and it was all very sad and moving, and you thought that they were maybe, actually really done. Until we came back from the commercial break, and all was forgiven, and they were friends forever, and WHATEVER. Am I the only one so done with the constant break-up make-up stuff between Blair and Serena? I know teenage girls are fickle and overly emotional, but really now. It's just so tiring. Make out already and get it over with. Go to Brown if it makes you feel better about yourself.

In other break-ups, the Chuck/Nate friendship seems to be off again, after Chuck pulled a nasty stunt that led to Dan - mistaken for Nate - being tied to a lightpost in only his boxers. This unfortunately led to a budding bromance between Dan and Nate, which sucks because Nate was finally starting to become a compelling character. And god knows he'd be infinitely more interesting hanging out with glorious bastard Chuck Bass than he would be running around with sad sack Dan Humphrey. Blech.

Next episode seems to involve the unholy reunion between Chuck and Blair in an effort to destroy poor Vanessa "Dangerous Liaisons" style. Ooh la la!