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December 2, 2008 at 9:40am

"Heroes": Total eclipse of the heart

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I've tried so hard this season to forgive "Heroes" for all of its Season 2 missteps. I've tried to forget about the characters it wants to pretend never existed (the Irish girl, Caitlin, left in the future; Micah; Micah's cousin Monica; countless others). I've tried to ignore the ever-occurring plot holes and nonsensical storylines. I've worked hard to forgive and forget, and it would be so much easier if Tim Kring and crew would stop making the same mistakes over and over again.

I feel like "Heroes" and I are in a bad relationship, and because I loved "Heroes" so much for one year, I am trying to forgive it now without realizing that it may have changed for good. And no matter how many friends tell me to leave, or logically explain that we will never have what we used to, I continue to try, and I find myself giving the show too much credit for its little victories. I hold on to even the smallest success in plot or character development to make myself feel better for continuing to stick with it.

But, after the past two episodes -- "Eclipse" parts I and II -- I can't even really pretend anymore. I am worried that my relationship with "Heroes" will soon have to end, and I'm not sure how to break the news. I guess I would have to start by telling the show all the ways that it has angered me. Since I don't have time to make that long of a list, I'll start with the 10 annoyances that are freshest in my memory:

1) How long does a solar eclipse last? Not for a whole day! Yes, I know this is a show where people fly and create black holes with their fingers, but the rest of the world is supposed to appear normal, and I think if we had an eclipse that lasted for almost an entire day, people would be in panic in the streets.

2) Can the writers make up their frickin' minds about Sylar already? At first his bad to good transition was interesting. Now it's just such a rollercoaster I don't even care anymore! He just believes EVERYTHING that people tell him. They've ruined his character for me.

3) Elle is an annoying idiot. But that's not new, I guess.

4) How will Hiro's travel back in time to some random day fix his 10-year-old mind? Because the show says so.

5) What was the Haitian's brother's power? And what was the point of that story at all?

6) Did anyone really believe that Claire was dead? How many times are they going to try and scare us with that? It's old.

7) Boo, Nathan, boo. I guess we're supposed to believe he's just that dumb. Again.

8) Why can't Parkman be one of the characters that just disappears? Yawn.

9) Arthur Petrelli is the most boring villain ever. What a waste of Robert Forster.

10) I thought we were done with "Save the cheerleader, save the world"; are they just trying to make us nostalgic by uttering those words last night? And, how would Hiro, with the mind of 10-year-old Hiro, even understand the relevance of those words? Dumbest moment ever. Ugh.

I'm sure there are lots of "Heroes" fans out there who will disagree with me. Please feel free to try and change my mind because I really don't want to break up with "Heroes" unless I have to.

Comments for ""Heroes": Total eclipse of the heart" (1)

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Eric said on Dec. 02, 2008 at 9:56am

Oh, man. Tell me about it.
I was literally yelling at the television last night. That episode was so lame, and so poorly written and conceived. I'm glad you pointed out the DAY-LONG eclipse that NOBODY but the heroes seemed to notice. I'm glad you pointed out how ridiculous the Nathan plotline is (by the way: worst senator ever -- does he EVER do his job?). I'm glad you questioned the logic of Hiro snapping out of his childlike state by going back in time with Claire, a character he doesn't even KNOW. And what was with that cliffhanger? Claire gasping that her adoptive father really didn't care for her at first? I mean really, come on show. We have ho'd that row so many times before...
There were so many other things to hate last night. That scene with Daphne the speedster trying to "make amends" with her father, which apparently boiled down to hugging him -- blech. It was cornier than a "Hallmark Hall of Fame" movie. The unyielding Sylar good/bad thing really has all but ruined one of the coolest characters on TV. (And he better have not have actually killed Elle; it seemed somewhat ambiguous to me.) Goddamn Mohinder goes to bring back MAYA (nooooooo!), and I'm petrified that she's returning soon. The continued, awful presence of Matt Parkman on this show. That entire Haitian subplot (btw: the guy's power was to have impenetrable skin; this can be seen in comics from Unus the Untouchable to Diamond Lil to a couple other character that I'm sure I'm forgetting), which was really kind of offensive when you think about it.
Just...so...bad. And the cherry on top is that the hack writer for the episode got to work in an appearance by the first issue he wrote of Marvel's Ultimate X-Men title, a book he has completely destroyed in about six months. Yay!
The good news is that executive producer Jeph Loeb has been fired from the show. I know, it's not good news when ANYONE is fired. But hear me out on this: the man is a terrible writer. TERRIBLE. He is single-handedly destroying an entire corner of the Marvel Universe at the moment, and I can only imagine that his bad writer juju is at least in part responsible for how awful "Heroes" has been since Season 2. (Although I maintain that even with its flaws, this season is WAY better than that POS.) He's gone! And the show has been yanked for all of January! So they can retool! So we might be saved soon after all!

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