Last night's "Top Chef" helped me figure out a little conundrum. I've been enjoying the show this season, but my friends -- people whose opinions I trust -- haven't been feeling it. The newest episode really brought that disparity into view for me. I think, on a whole, this is a more likable bunch of chefs than we had last season, where almost all of the contestants (except Richard and Stephanie) were spiteful, hateful babies. But in terms of the challenges and food, there's nothing going on here. I mean, this week's winning dish was tomato, watermelon, and feta slices drizzled with balsamic vinaigrette. That's not exactly lighting the culinary world on fire, you know?
The episode's Quickfire tasked the cheftestants with creating a breakfast amuse bouche. (That's a one-bite chef specialty.) The guest judge was Rocco DiSpirito, and I remain perplexed as to why he's such a huge name in the culinary world. His restaurant and reality show were SPECTACULAR bombs. He's not exactly a stud (I can name at least five people on this show who were better looking and more charismatic than that chooch). As far as I can see, the guy is a decent chef who has the devil's own publicist. Anyway, there were a lot of takes on the Egg McMuffin, and the win came down to Jamie and Leah, with Leah taking the top spot.
That became important later, when Leah crashed and burned in the Elimination Challenge. In one of the strangest Elimination Challenges in the show's history, the chefs had to pick a dish that they would then demonstrate how to make on a 2.5-minute "live TV" segment (really, they were just filming in the Top Chef Kitchen with a cheap timer). The challenge tested their judgment on dish selection, their execution, and their on-air personality. Leah failed in every way, choosing to do a duck dish that she couldn't finish in the time allotted, and then being a nervous wreck during her presentation. But she was immune, which meant three others ended up on the chopping black: poor Jamie, whose egg didn't set fully; misguided Melissa, whose habanero-crusted shrimp were so hot they were indigestible; and Alex, who shot for the moon and crashed big time when he decided to create a crème brulee with only an hour prep time, something that is apparently impossible to do.
Alex went home, with minor drama caused by Melissa, who at the other chefs' urging stood up for herself weakly and kind of insinuated that Alex didn't really want to be there, since he was about to be married. When pressed on this by the judges, she backpedaled, but then told the other chefs in the waiting area that she told them someone up there didn't want to be there. That never happened (that we saw). Rule No. 1 about reality TV, sweetie: we can see everything you're doing. And though you might look like a tough guy (doubtful) to the other chefs, you look like a huge loser to us at home. She and her bangs are out in the next couple weeks anyway. She and Alex are the definition of filler.
Someone who I thought would be gone by now, but who's still hanging in there, is Ariane, the winner of this week's challenge. Between this week's win and last week's well-received turkey we're firmly entrenched in the Ariane redemption arc. But lest the cougar chef get too cocky, it should be pointed out that chopped vegetables and roasted turkey aren't exactly mind-blowing recipes. Still, she got a spot on the "Today" show out of the win since the top three (Fabio, Jeff, and Ariane) had their dishes tasted by the ladies of the show, and they determined the winner. Ariane took it despite Meredith Vieira's intense dislike of watermelon (how does watermelon make someone sick? It's just natural sugars and water), and Kathy f'ing Lee Gifford pulled her usual megabitch card by SPITTING OUT Jeff's food on live TV. That's just nasty. I don't know how that woman got a job again after tormenting our nation for the better part of the 80s and 90s, but I guess there's some comfort in the fact that while times may change, we can always count on Kathy Lee to be an emasculating harpy. God, she's terrible...