San Francisco. Beautiful town, and home to countless oddballs who proudly let their freak flags fly. Odd, then, that last night's "Idol" featured the fewest amount of freaks than any episode this or any season. Certainly there were some wackadoos (that "gospel singer" who kept butchering her anatomy terms, for instance), but mostly it was refreshingly crazy-person free.

It was, however, not asshole free. And several contestants got through who had no business doing so.

The evening started off inauspiciously with Tatiana, a.k.a. 10 lbs. of bullshit in a 5 lb. bag. Here's the thing about Tatiana: I know this girl. I don't actually know Tatiana herself, but I know a girl exactly like her. She has some talent, but not as much as she thinks she does. She could be great, but she already thinks she's amazing, so she doesn't bother putting in the work. She's uninterested in anything you tell her, because she already knows everything. She's completely overdramatic but possessed of precious little substance. It doesn't matter if she earns her big break, so long as she can bully her way into getting what she wants. I KNOW THIS GIRL. And I cannot wait to see her get absolutely destroyed in Hollywood.

Also not getting through based on talent alone was Jesus, a good-looking, totally pleasant-seeming father who got his golden ticket only by bringing his adorable kids in to sway the judges. (True, the judges asked him to do so, but the writing for Jesus was on the wall prior to the moppets' appearance.) Jesus has an OK karaoke voice, but is so painfully overaffected that he's actually unpleasant to listen to. He also has no charisma once you remove the kids from the equation. I'm� sure he's an amazing father. But this isn't "Dad Idol." (Wouldn't that be an amazing show?)

Adam Lambert is a good-looking guy and I kind of covet his hair (but I don't think I could pull it off). He's very Broadway, which makes sense since that's what he does -- he's a stage actor. But he's got a really nice tenor voice, lots of control. And if he makes it to the Top 12, he could very quickly get a legion of gay fans. And he says it's an honor to meet Paula. Patrick joins my imaginary Top 12, even though I'm sure he'll be one of those terrible out-of-left field Hollywood cuts.

Kai is terrific. Great look, great voice, great presence, great everything. I'm afraid he might get boring with his song choices (interestingly, the judges tell him basically that to his face) but he really is spectacular. The only problem is, if he makes it to semifinals, who is going to take care of his sweet, sick mom? Sadness.

Tonight: only one hour again! They've drastically cut back on the "Idol" programming this year and I couldn't be happier. We're in Kentucky. Nothing good can come of that.