I was concerned going into the third installment of VH1's "Rock of Love" series, in which aging rocker Bret Michaels (of Poison fame/infamy) picks through a bunch of sad, broken, plastic women until he can find the one to be his "rock of love." After all, Season 3 of its predecessor, the Flavor Flav dating show "Flavor of Love," was beyond dismal, one of the least entertaining, most pointless excursions I've ever seen televised (I dropped it after three boring episodes).

VH1 and Bret probably learned something from Flav's mistakes, and so they've shaken up the formula for what will (hopefully) be the last part of the "Rock of Love" trilogy. Instead of Bret and the girls hanging out in some posh rented Hollywood pad like both seasons before, this time he's crammed the skanks onto two tour busses and will whittle them down on the road as he tours the country performing his solo act. Smart move on Bret's part, since he's essentially double-dipping, making cash from his concerts and the show, and getting a ton of free publicity at the same time. Bad for the audience, as I suspect we'll be forced to watch him perform at least once an episode. Yikes.

For narrative purposes the point of the bus is to test which of these girls can actually hang with his constantly touring "rock star" life. (The implication is that Ambre, winner of Season 2, simply couldn't deal with it.) Based on the first episode, the real question is whether Bret can hang with some of these chicks, because they are INSANE. If the rest of the episodes turn out like this one, we have nothing to fear: "Rock of Love Bus" will be as crazy, nasty, and bitchy as the legendary Season 1, and a big improvement on the snoozefest that was most of Season 2.

There are 20 new girls, and although there's a lot of silicone and fake tan going on, there are some actual pretty women in the bunch. I'd go as far as to say that this is the best-looking crop Bret has had yet (I'm as surprised as you are). There's no way I can go through all of them, so I'll just rattle off the few that made an impression, good or bad.

Farrah seems to be the new Heather, and since the old Heather has turned into such a disaster (seriously, did you see her on the "Charm School" reunion?) we desperately need a new one. She's a blonde bombshell who knows how to dish out the bitch and goes full-on lesbian when drunk. I think I'm in love. She seems to be the leader of the Blondtourage, the mean girls clique that formed in the first episode, and I suspect she'll be around for a while.

Brittaney (oddly referred to as "Jasmineva" on the VH1 site) is a mess of a human being, both physically and emotionally. Brit/Jasmine/whatever is a former porn star looking for love, and her way of expressing that to Bret is by informing him within the first five minutes of meeting that she's not gay, but if he wants her to do a threeway, she will do that for him. She also cries a lot. And is very...saggy. (I'm sorry, but it's true.) For some reason Bret kept her around. I find her terribly depressing.

Ashley is a horrible shit-starter, and not as pretty as she thinks she is. She's also all talk. She got in three fights in the first episode -- she caused at least two of them with her obnoxious mouth -- and she got pwned by Marcia twice, and had Gia do her dirty work with Bev. If she's trying to be the new Lacey she's going to have to seriously step it up.

Beverlyis a full-on tomboy who apparently worships Bret Michaels. She even knows the words to his solo stuff. This impresses Bret, so expect her to stay around. I kind of think she's the new, less leathery Rodeo, a suspicion partially confirmed by the clip in the season preview in which Bret seems to tell her straight-up that she has mental problems. Bret, she's your biggest fan. Of course she does!

Marcia is described by Bret as his "Brazilian firecracker," and he worries that she may kill them all. I'd like to see that! Marcia is a super-drunk, seen double-fisting (and then triple-hurling) beer and tequila and getting involved in almost every fight in the first episode. She even choked out that bitch Ashley. Amazing. Marcia somehow got a callback for Episode 2.

Natasha is totally my favorite. Yes, she may secretly have a shenis, but she's a former boarding school bitch who is now trying to set up an escort service in Canada. She exhibits no shame in her career choice as a would-be madam, and seems totally capable of slapping someone upside the head and giving them the deuces. Marry me, Natasha.

Gia is arguably the filthiest skank ever seen on a reality show. I'm not even talking about her ratty weave or discount body art. This girl couldn't wait to whip her clothes off for Bret, engaged in nipple play with another girl ON STAGE during Bret's concert, and then offered up shots out of her cooter at the after-party. YES. Cooter shots! Can you believe Bret sent her home?

And I saved the best for last, Nikki a.k.a. Lady DJ Sovereign a.k.a. the most amazing thing ever. Where to begin? First, Lady DJ decides to try to one-up Brittaney, who sang for Bret during the backstage pass photo session. Lady DJ performed a rap, which she wrote out on STD factsheets pick up at a clinic. We're talking herpes, gonorrhea, right there, clear as day, no shame. Amazing. Second, she informs us that she used to be a graffiti artist until she got busted and went to prison. As a way of preventing herself from going back to that life, she got ENORMOUS breast implants (practically bigger than her head) that kept her from climbing up on buildings and such. Later she removed her top on stage the Bret concert (classy), partook of Gia's cooter shots, swore she was not on any illegal drugs as she stumbled around looking like she just fell out of, well, Gia's cooter, and at elimination, could barely stand up, as she swayed and fell into several other girls (and her bikini outfit: amazing). Bret gave her the ax, but not before she gave us some of the most hilarious facial expressions ever to be committed to film. In the end the girl had to be physically removed from the soundstage so that they could strike it. Lady DJ, you will be missed. Check out the VH1 blog for photos of her greatest hit.

The trick, of course, is that every first episode of "Rock of Love" has been awesome, even when the season itself hasn't been (No. 2). Let's hope for more of the original recipe. With casting this good, I don't know how it could possibly go wrong. But then, I watched "I Love Money." So I know it's possible.