“American Idol” 2009: Sayonara, Sarver

By Eric Rezsnyak on March 26, 2009

PLEASE let these results shows go down to a half hour. We had, what, four terrible musical performances last night? Egads. As if the cheesy lip-synched group sing wasn't bad enough, we got Ruben Studdard singing his dreadful new song (how did this man ever win this competition?), Stevie Wonder doing a Stevie Wonder montage, and the coup de grace, a duet between Joss Stone and Smokey Robinson.

Let's break that fresh piece of hell down a bit. Joss - whose career never lived up to the hype -- sounded like absolute shit; she sounded worse than MEGAN. I don't think she would even make it past the first audition round of this show as a contestant. And then out came the gruesome visage of Smokey Robinson, who then proceeded to look at Joss in ways wholly inappropriate for a man who was likely 40 (at least) when the woman was born. Uncomfortable! The two of them sounded terrible together, nowhere near the key. The song was incredibly dull, and the chorus practically atonal. Man, that was bad.

Quick aside: I just read a piece about the mini-scandal that erupted this week when Season 1 runner-up Justin Guarini -- now the host of an "Idol" discussion show on the TV Guide Network -- called out the show for having the contestants lip synch this season to prerecorded tracks for the group numbers. The "Idol" producers initially denied the charges, but then admitted to the New York Times that they do use a backing track during group numbers to allow the contestants to do choreography and balance the voices. Um, duh. I can't even believe the producers tried to deny the group lip synching -- the Idols themselves sure aren't bothering to hide it, as last night's "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" portion of the Motown montage featured them NOT EVEN USING MICROPHONES -- and it's been pretty egregious all season. There's some minor complaining that this invalidates a show about singing, but really, come on. The solo performances are still 100 percent live (at least, I think they are). All this does is make the cheesy group numbers even more tacky. I wish they'd get rid of them altogether. Make the results show 10 minutes! I wouldn't mind.

The results were slightly shocking. Sarver was in the bottom, as it should be. Scott ended up in there, which was a distinct possibility, and I hope he realizes that his grace period is essentially over. But the big surprise was Matt, which I didn't see coming, and which elicited some major boos from the audience. Honestly, I think this was a side effect of him going first, and his fans taking him somewhat for granted. I don't think it'll happen again. At least, not for a while.

I would have been happy with any one of them going home, but ultimately Sarver got cut. Not surprising, and it was totally deserved. He outlived his usefulness/hotness. So far I can't disagree with any of the cuts. But isn't it amazing that Megan has yet to appear in the Bottom 3? It's a total victory for Vote for the Worst, and a loss for us all.