I cannot believe that just happened. "Rock of Love Bus" a.k.a. "Rock of Love 3" a.k.a. "Bus Full of Skanks with Bret Michaels" has been unquestionably the best season in the show's history. "RoL" 1 had its moments, most of them coming from the awesomeness that is Heather. "RoL" 2 pretty much sucked. But "Bus" has been amazing since the first episode, and that is largely because of the genius of Ashley. I dismissed her at first as a B-grade shit-talker, but she quickly ascended to the top of the blondetourage (Farrah never really lived up to her potential) with her nonstop soundbytes and high-school bully antics. (Find the clip of her preparing microwave cabbage rolls while totally shitfaced; it is resplendent.) And now she's gone! With three episodes left! Only Ashley's favorite word can describe this turn of events: LAME.

Last night was the usual meet-and-greet with the girls' ex-boyfriends, with the added twist of bringing in Bret's ex-flames Heather and Ambre, winner of "RoL" 2. Ambre and Heather mingled with the ex-bf's individually, and then full-on interrogated them with their lady friends later.

Some interesting stuff came out. Jaime (how is she still in this?) was called out as a rock groupie by her friend, who said she basically followed his band around the country while they were on tour. I wonder if this wasn't Constantine Maroulis' band, as I've read that Jaime used to hang out with the skeevy "Idol" season 4 also-ran. Mindy cheated on a guy who seems to be hot, smart, and caring, but she also expressed sincere regret about the whole situation, and endeared herself to Bret. Taya's ex is completely psychotic, and so we learned nothing about her except that she has terrible taste in men (but we knew that, since she's on this show). Beverly's ex didn't even show up, sending her into a shame spiral of epic proportions. But that's nothing new, since she's spent a good portion of the last several episodes bawling or quietly going chicken-killer. Who would have pegged her as the Kristi Jo of this season? Even Big John seems over her.

That leaves Brittanya, whose "ex" is apparently just a friend with benefits who manages to out-skank just about anyone who has ever been on this show. And seriously, ladies: please take a look at this guy. You do not need to put up with awful human beings like this, even if you DON'T look like Brittanya. Because if you scrape off the 10 lbs. of make-up, erase the tattoos, and remove the tacky body jewelry, Brit is a gorgeous woman, and she deserves so much better than that guy. EVERYONE deserves so much better than that guy. But Brittanya, who I swear has only two modes, boring and punchy, got all defensive and took a swing at, and then spit on, Heather. Dude. No. You do not spit on Heather.

So Brittanya was out. And, alas, so was my trash goddess Ashley. Once Ash's ex, James, came on to the scene, she just lost it. She tried to leave the show prior to interrogation, because she knew she was screwed when the secret came out: they still live together, and have sex all the time. They are "ex" in name only, and maybe not even then, as James made it clear that he was there to take Ashley back with him - and she wasn't exactly saying no. In fact, her coquettish, giddy glee at his come-ons and her total failure when face to face with Bret made me wonder if this wasn't their plan the entire time. Ashley got on TV, which will help her stripping career. She became a viewer favorite. She got far in the competition, but not far enough that viewers would hate her for "breaking Bret's heart." It's a smart plan, if that's actually what it was. The only hitch is that, despite James' protests that "Nobody pulls my pussy" (at least, I assume that was the last word, it was bleeped; my brother speculates that it was "bitch"), Bret made it clear to all of America that he had in fact pulled it on several occasions during the tour. So there's one to grow on.

Without Ashley I'm not sure why I should bother watching the remaining episodes. I mean, a Final Four of Taya, Beverly, Mindy, and Jaime? Are you kidding me? You've got desperate centerfold model, mentally unstable tomboy, dork-ass farm girl, and personality-deficient groupie. Inspiring. Of the four it should come down to Taya and Mindy, but even then, who cares? I didn't necessarily want Ashley to win, but I sure wanted her to stir up shit for the last few weeks. Because it's not like anybody's actually looking for LOVE on this show anymore. That pretense has been gone all season, which is obvious since even the girls seem surprised when Bret spends time with them. I just want entertaining television, and on this show that'll be hard to come by without A-bomb.