Taylor Hicks AND Jamie Foxx?! Jesus, "Idol" producers, what did I ever do to you? It was a night of musical horrors, kicked off by a truly execrable Ford commercial. The group number was largely inoffensive, but Adam was crazy squealy. If you watched him in these only, I think you'd wonder what the hype was about.

And then we had a terrible "cooking with the ‘American Idols'" segment, in which the kids made birthday cakes, and then threw flour at one another or whatever. The thing I worried about most was, how would they get all of that mess out of Allison's weave? And what poor bastard had to clean that up? Instigator Gokey was given at $6000 maid service bill. Those had better have been naked maids, for that price.

Results: Matt was back to the hats, so no Pimple Watch. I wonder if he reads the blogs and is self-conscious about it. I know I would be. Matt was sent to the right of the stage. Gokey rambled unintelligently for like an hour, and then got sent to the other side of the stage. Allison got sent up with Danny, which was interesting because Gokey was almost certain to be safe after Tuesday. Kris had to deal with Simon's goofy "wet" comment again, and then was sent over to stand with Matt (dun dun duuuuun). And then Adam was put in that terrible position that I love, where the contestant has to choose which of the two groups he feeels he belongs with. He picked Allison and Gokey, so as to avoid the taint of Matt Giraud.

But shocker! Allison and Danny were safe, but ADAM was not! Kris, Adam, and Matt were the Bottom 3! Incredible! Two of those people I had picked as my Final 2 of the season. And the third one has been dragged through this competition by the judges since literally before the Top 12.

And then, Natalie Cole sang some awful standard (and I like standards). What did this have to do with anything? It was just so random. And honestly, the voice was not great. It was downright amateurish, especially in the high notes, which were beyond pinched. It was like someone's drunk aunt getting up and singing at a wedding. But: great gams, baby. She kept screaming "Something's gotta give," and I have news for you, Natalie Cole: something did give. It was your voice. Yeesh.

We followed up that little piece of hell with TAYLOR HICKS. God DAMMIT. I thought I was done with him forever after he crashed and burned after winning Season 5 (but then, they did roll Ruben's old bones down earlier this season, too). And Taylor was just as annoying as before - and that before he even opened his mouth to sing. His song was terrible, his voice sounded completely worn out, and he looked 40something. The sound levels on al the instruments were off. I mean, what was with the aggressive tambourine? And then he gave advice to the current contestants. Please, kids: do not listen to Taylor Hicks. Unless your dream is to play a bit part in a mid-Western touring production of "Grease." Then by all means, go right ahead.

Back to results, Kris got saved, which meant Adam remained in danger. You could practically hear the housefraus of America wetting their collective britches right around 9:35 p.m. It was thrilling.

Not so thrilling: Jamie Foxx, "performing" his atrocious "song" "Blame It." And I can't. I actually refuse to recap it. There is nothing redeemable about the song or the performance in any way. It is the opposite of art. It destroys art. The whole thing felt like watching a 5-year-old kid trying to get attention. I thought it was hilarious how he kept going on and on about how the "Idol"bes are true artists. After THAT display, what exactly does Jamie Foxx know about "artistry"? Puh-lease. And then he plugged his awful new movie. Die.

Final results: Matt got cut. Again. Of course. This would be the THIRD time he's been eliminated on this show, given that he failed in semi-finals, he got saved a couple weeks ago, and then he finally got cut AGAIN. Third time's the charm, I guess. During his montage we noticed that he didn't have Mega Zit back in the beginning. So is it just a pimple that would not die? A mole? A reflected bb that got stuck in his head? A horn growing from his skull? I was more invested in that zit than I ever was in Matt. He sounded like shit in his sing-out. I guess it's only fitting.

Next week: Rock Band night. Does that mean the game? That seems even more crassly commercial than usual. And Slash from Guns N Roses is apparently the mentor, so he can kiss what's left of his street cred goodbye. (And again: what does Slash know about singing?) However, a rock night will play to Allison's strengths, and she could somehow make it into the Top 3, something I thought impossible only weeks ago. This could get interesting.