“So You Think You Can Dance” 2009: So you think you can just stand there?

By Eric Rezsnyak on June 18, 2009

Group number to "Higher Ground" by Stevie Wonder. The dancers were all shoeless, dressed in crisp black suits with tribal face tattoos. It was a weird combination. The stage was bare except for the massive lighting towers behind them. The routine itself was very cool. Everything was tightly choreographed, all the dancers in lines doing synchronized movements. There were some great moves, mixing a variety of inspirations. Some of it looked robotic. Some of it looked pulsating. Some of it looked like marching. Some of it looked like Robert Palmer girls from the 80's. It was totally fascinating, although I couldn't figure out who any of the dancers were. Choreographer? Mia Michaels. Did not see that coming.

Cat came out, looking very smart in her white pantsuit. We then got a package making fun of Lil C's blathering idiocy. He loved it of course, because I don't think he understood that they were mocking him. Cat bowed and offered him respect. She said we love him. No, we absolutely do not.

First three couples: Ade and Melissa, Jason and Caitlin, Phillip and Jeanine. Of the three Phillip and Jeanine SHOULD be in the Bottom 3. But it ended up being Caitlin and Jason. That goes to show you that Phillip has a very strong voting block; it sure wasn't Jeanine fans that carried them through.

Second three: Jeanette and Brandon, Jonathan and Karla, Kupono and Ashley. Based on last night none of those couples deserved to be in the bottom. But I suspected it would be Ashley and Kupono, and it was. I'm just glad Jonathan and Karla got the pass; they were incredible Wednesday night.

Both Shane Sparks routines ended up in the Bottom 3. That's rough for him.

Last three: Evan and Randi, Asuka and Vitolio, and Max and Kayla. Again, none of these people deserved to be in the bottom. Of them, I guessed it would be Asuka and Vitolio, and that's a shame. Asuka was just stunning Wednesday. But it ended up being Kayla and Max. WOW. That was a shocker to me.

So that left Jason, Kupono, and Max up for the guys, and Caitlin, Ashley, and Kayla for the girls. Before the solos I guessed that Kupono would get cut (contemporary curse), although I was pulling for Max so we can free Kayla up for a stronger partner. For the girls, I figured it really had to be Ashley, unless Caitlin completely botched her solo.

Solos: I felt like Caitlin danced the same routine from her initial audition. She did a lot of very simple hand gestures and some tumbling - it wasn't a great. It took her a while to get going. Jason came out showing everything he had: pirouettes, leaps, pointe work, lots of control and strength. It was a good solo. Ashley spent the first 10 of her 30 seconds hanging from the stair rail. Her jumps were very weak, and her turns were mediocre. There was nothing to that solo. Kupono brought back some of those feminine moves, and essentially just pranced around the stage. He did a lot of pausing - why were none of these people actually DANCING? It's called "Dance for your life" not "Stand there for your life." Kayla got that memo, and employed lots of skill, flips, jumps, twirls, using the stage to its best advantage. Max came out and flailed his feet, ending his solo before the time even ran out. Again, it's hard for male ballroom dancers to solo. I get that. But this was worse than usual, and surprisingly feminine. It didn't look like he had anything prepared.

Musical guest Kristinia DeBarge "sang" "Goodbye." She was lip synching so badly. She's really going to need to get more convincing at that if she has any hopes of being an actual pop star. Apparently she's related to El DeBarge, which I love, just because his actual first name is El. I guess that means his English translation would be "He of the barge." Hee. She can't use the dancing for an excuse not to sing, since the steps were VERY basic. Like, high school talent show basic. That's two weeks in a row that they've featured tween pop stars, and two weeks in a row I feared for the future of pop music.

Results: The judges were not unanimous on either decision. Nigel said that they didn't feel ANY of the six deserved to go home tonight. I think that's right; Ade and Melissa and Phillip and Jeanine should have been up there. The judges liked Caitlin's quality of movement and control. Ashley got points for her Hollywood glamour, but dinged for the lack of content in her solo (totally right). Kayla got in trouble for overcrowding her solo, which...I guess. But I would much rather see that instead of the dancers doing nothing. Ultimately Ashley got cut. Not a huge surprise. She was a surprisingly good dancer, but totally forgettable as a person.

For the boys: Jason got big props on his solo, they said it was the best solo on the series to date. This season? Maybe. Ever? Absolutely not. He was safe. Kupono's solo had too little substance, but they like that he's different and takes on characters. Max apparently is a hard worker, which we don't get to see. And Max got cut. I'm actually really glad about that. He's an uninspiring dancer and isn't even much for eye candy. What's the point, I ask you? That's four good cuts so far.

Of course, that leaves Kayla with Kupono next wek, and I seriously hope Kupono can butch it up. If he ends up dragging down my lovely birdlike Kayla there will be hell to pay.