“American Idol”: Who will replace Paula Abdul?

By Eric Rezsnyak on August 5, 2009

After weeks of rumors, the news was announced today: Paula Abdul will not be returning to judge the ninth season of "American Idol" when it debuts in early 2010. Let's pause for a moment to remember all the special times we had with Paula. The useless, completely nonsensical feedback to the contestants. Her frequently unhinged appearance and behavior. The allegations of an inappropriate sexual relationship with at least one of the male hopefuls. The slurred, incoherent promotional appearances. The clapping like a seal. Truly, these past eight seasons have been fruitful days. And yet, we must move on. Who will be the replacement has-been on the reality juggernaut now that our dear Paula is gone?

We have some thoughts:

Debbie "Deborah" Gibson You just know that Gibson spent this entire morning working the phone with her agent, desperate to get her foot in the door at Fox. For those not in the know, Debbie was a teen sensation in late 80's, scoring massive hits with "Lost In Your Eyes," "Out of the Blue," "Electric Youth," and others. Even more impressively, she wrote a good chunk of her hits, and she was only 17 at the time. Then the 90's happened and Deb fell into obscurity, moving on to Broadway for a bit, then participating in reality TV busts like "Skating with Celebrities" and the cringe-inducing "Idol" spin-off, "American Juniors." Her recent projects include the film "Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus" with Lorenzo Lamas. So yeah, Debbie could use the work. But as impressive as her 80's successes were, there's still something overwhelmingly lame about her...

Victoria Beckham I actually love this idea, and think she'd make an amazing addition to the judging panel. Vicky is best known now as the super-hot wife of super-hot soccer star David Beckham. But back in the 90's, she was Victoria Adams, one-fifth of the global pop domination force known as the Spice Girls. You might remember her as Posh Spice, or the one that couldn't really sing very well and mostly just stood with the one leg askew all the time. Anyway, Vic bagged herself a superstar, became a fashion icon, launched her own lines of absurdly expensive clothing, befriended Katie Holmes, wrote a couple surprisingly charming books, and has basically become a woman about town. She's funny, lucid, and witty. This would be a total upgrade for the show, although I'd also be cool with her Spice Girl stalwarts Geri Halliwell or Mel Brown slipping into the stool. They're both brassy chicks, and they can actually sing too.

Taylor Dayne Taylor scored some big dance-oriented hits in the late 80's with songs like "With Every Beat of My Heart" and "Tell It To My Heart." She was essentially a poor man's Paula (although she was arguably way more talented vocally than Ms. Abdul). She hasn't done a ton since then - last year she released her first album in 10 years, and she appeared in the CMT reality show "Gone Country" - but she could be a decent fit for the Paula role.

Cyndi Lauper It was easy to dismiss Lauper as a pop-punk annoyance in the 80's, what with her wild hair and style, goofy videos, and bizarre partnership with the WWF's Captain Lou Albano. But the truth is, Lauper is and was an amazing songwriter and musician, and has an incredible voice that occasionally shined through even in her totally poppy 80's fare (come on, "True Colors" and "I Drove All Night" have beautiful vocals). While she's nowhere near one-time contemporary Madonna in terms of star power anymore, she's never stopped working, and has some significant pop culture cred.

Mariah Carey Not quite the longshot it would have been a few years ago. Mimi's best days are behind her, and I think even she's smart enough to know it. Her last album tanked and the first single off her impending release has been completely ignored by the mainstream. She had that brief, still-inexplicable-to-me resurgence with "The Emancipation of Mimi" a few years back (seriously, most boring CD ever), but her career is hurtling toward a second death spiral. Certainly her voice is nowhere what it was during her peak in the 90's. "Idol" producers already have an in with her, since Simon produces Carey's husband Nick Cannon on "America's Got Talent." Could Carey make the smart move and ensure her pop culture relevance for another few years by singing on to this show?

Janet Jackson Janet's singing career is pretty much dead at this point. She hasn't had a real hit in years - "Feedback" made just a blip - and her last several albums have all flopped hard. But she remains an icon, and a spot on the "Idol" panel could only help her visibility at this point. But is America ready for two Jacksons on the panel?

So what do you think? Who will replace La Abdrool on the judging panel? Or will they replace her at all, since we still have Kara (who everyone else seems to hate, but I think is just fine)? One thing's for sure: I hope Paula saved her pennies, because if the late 90's taught us anything, it's that "Straight Up" can only carry you so far, sweetie...