After two cycles that ranged somewhere between lackluster and downright awful, I really needed Tyra to restore my faith in this show with last night's debut of Cycle 13. And you know what? Bitch did it. Never count a good queen out! That was one of the most entertaining/least cringe-inducing first episodes this show has seen in a long time, and most of these girls seem actually modelesque - except for their height.

The big (or small, really) news is that this season will be devoted to short girls: only contestants 5'7" and shorter were eligible to enter. "Fierce has many faces - and sizes," proclaimed the mighty TyTy. But I think she really believes that; after all, last cycle she gave the win to a velociraptor. What I don't understand is why she's making such a big deal out of this cycle's winner being the first "petite top model" - Eva won this shit in Cycle 3 and she was 5'6". That was like six years ago. I know that we're all supposed to pretend Adrianne doesn't exist, but is La Pigford now verboten too?

I'll skip going over the casting episode, since nothing that interesting ultimately happened there until the final selection. Tyra seems to have calmed down with the casting antics - no Tyrabots, no Goddesses of Fierce - and this time her shtick was that she was casting a fashion show, and did so while employing her incredibly bad French accent. Honestly, that is subdued for the woman.

After a bunch of BS about height and some absolutely clueless catwalking we finally ended up with our Final 14: Jennifer, the token Asian (am I wrong, or is there something odd going on between her nose and mouth?); Erin, who is altogether bland and reminds me of a less-spunky Brooke from C7; googly eyed Rachel (big eyes aren't bad - see C12 Allison - but hers look uneven); bohemian Kara with the man jaw; Lulu the lesbian; blonde goddess Rae; mediocre Ashley, who was plucked out of the audience of Tyra's talk show to compete on the show (*cough*ringer*cough*); math geek Brittany; Bianca, a dead-ringer for Nnenna from C6 in looks AND entitled personality; Courtney with the crutches (she broke her foot in a cheerleading competition, but still finished the routine; that's hardcore); weirdo Nicole, the intentional outcast; tiny, emotionally needy Sundai; Laura the plucky farm girl; and finally, Amber the Jesus freak.

Amber was the one notable thing about the casting special. The woman was INSANE, and I loved  her. It's hard to know where to start on this one. She was shouting and nearly crying the entire time; I wondered at first if she had Tourette's. She was far too skinny and came in with one of the most wacked-out runway walks I've ever seen, and then meowed after explaining it was her "catwalk." And most of all, she is for Jesus Christ. Like, REALLY for Jesus, who she believes wants her to change the world through modeling. She would spontaneously break into songs about Jesus during the episode, and dance, and...wow. Amber ended up making the Final 14, but when the girls showed up in L.A., she was nowhere to be found. The Jays explained that she had to leave the competition due to "personal issues." I wonder of those issues have anything to do with her body chemistry likely being 80 percent crack or something like that?

With Ashley out we got Lisa, a last-minute cut before F14, in her place. Whatevs; she was incredibly boring. Not boring: MAKEOVERS! In the first episode! Has that ever happened before? I don't think so!

Just as most of the girls this cycle are legitimately pretty, most of the makeovers turned out pretty well too - very few of them were disasters, like we usually get. Of specific note, blonde Britanny went brunette, which completely changed the look of her face; Erin and Rae got the exact same icy blande makeover, which made them look like identical albino twins; Sundai's weave was removed and she got a sexy Rihanna cut that really flattered her face; Lulu got a long, straight weave, which I thought made her look way too ordinary; ginger Nicole was given extensions for a bushy red fro that looks amazing on her; and Ashley got the center-part black weave that Tyra loves, which made her look a million times better. Meanwhile, the only tears came from bald Bianca, who got her eyebrows bleached and bitched about it relentlessly. Boy, she is a pill.

For the first photo shoot the girls had to do an editorial interpretation of their childhood photos. It sounds ridiculous, and it was, but it actually made for some stunning photos. Most of these girls seemed to know what they were doing in front of the camera, which is a welcome change of pace from recent cycles.

Rae looked incredible in a ballet-inspired shot that featured her in pointe shoes with 8" heels. Yikes! Fucking Bianca had major attitude about her make-up, and then her outfit, and her stank vibe translated into her photo. Lisa looked incredibly bored in her clown shot. Nicole looked absolutely amazeballs in her shot; if she can get better at her interpersonal skill she could be hard to beat.

Actual working supermodel Chanel Iman was the guest judge - I already miss Paulina, but if they're going to bring in major current models like that, I can't complain. Brittany looked almost unrecognizable in her photo; that dark hair has totally transformed her. She's not anywhere near as frigid looking as she was as a blonde. Jennifer looked really great in her photo, but I don't feel like she's as pretty in person. Rae's photo was incredible, one of those great "Top Model" images - she has huge potential.  Nicole's picture was MAJOR! And I typed that before Miss J said it. Courtney's shot reminded me of Linda Evangelista; I think she may be secretly fabulous.

First call: Rae (duh), followed by Nicole, Jennifer, Ashley, Courtney (should have been higher than Ashley), Erin (called too high), Rachel, Laura, Kara (too high), Brittany, Sundai. Leaving Bianca and Lisa in the Bottom 2. Unsurprising. But it was obvious that Lisa was going home, since a) Bianca's photo was actually pretty good and b) you do not get rid of the house bitch in the first episode. Oh, and c) Lisa is fucking boring. And of course Lisa was cut. That's pretty brutal - that girl was eliminated twice in two hours.

Coming up: insta-cut at a visit to the Wilhelmina Agency, and Tyra becomes a super-hero and shames a bitchy photog. Oh, Tyra. You were doing so well this episode...