I went into the new "Melrose Place" with a mix of feverish anticipation and stomach-crunching dread. I've wanted my beloved "Melrose" back for years (the DVDs of the seasons are taking entirely too long to come out), but I didn't want it to suck. And the previews I saw SUCKED. Those previews contained the first 10 minutes or so of the first episode, and indeed, they were still terrible when I saw them last night. Unnatural dialogue, wooden acting, cheesy directing choices - BAD. But then they got over the initial murder-mystery set up, and something happened: the show actually got kind of good. By the end of the episode I found myself wanting another one immediately. So my verdict: while this new "Melrose" feels nothing like the old one (which may be good or bad, depending on your point of view), there's promise here for an entirely new nighttime soap.

The episode's chief function was to introduce us to the new cast, and also give us the mystery that I suspect will propel at least the first chunk of the season: the murder of Sydney Andrews. Now, longtime "Melrose" fans might suggest that the case is easily solved. Sydney was killed years ago, at the end of Season 5, when she was accidentally run over by Sam and her escaped-convict father immediately after getting married to Craig. That bitch got mowed over right outside the church! I was in mourning for a week. Seriously. But apparently she never died! In this episode, Sydney - played once again by my favorite ginger, Laura Leighton (where you been hiding, baby?) - is back, now playing the cougar landlord at 4616 Melrose Place. (Her previous demise is referenced briefly as "an accident," one that left her dependent on a variety of pain medications. I was unaware science had created a pain pill that could reverse a serious case of DEATH.) Alas, that didn't last long, as by the 15-minute mark Sydney was dead AGAIN, this time stabbed, with her lifeless corpse found floating face-down in the pool. That's at least TWO lives that pool has claimed! It's as cursed as Rena Sofer's career!

Watching one of my favorite characters die - again -- was rough, but I was buoyed by two things. 1) I'm fairly sure that's not the last we'll see of Sydney. It looks like the show will be employing flashbacks to illustrate the new tenants' previous run-ins with her, basically to give each of the new characters a motive for offing their bitchy landlord; I know that Leighton has signed on for several episodes. And 2) as much as I adore her, Leighton was kind of terrible in last night's episode. She was playing the Norma Desmond card a little too heavily - I believe she was wearing a caftan at one point - and it hurt me to see a character and an actress I adore being served up so poorly.

So while the old cast didn't fare too well (Thomas Calabro was back as Michael Mancini, and he was similarly pretty bad), the new kids did pretty well for the most part. I found myself engaged by several of the characters, and the acting - with one or two notable exceptions - was surprisingly good. Here's a rundown of the new crop:

Ella Simms (played by Katie Cassidy): I suspect Ella is supposed to be our new Amanda, a bleach-blonde power bitch. Thing is, Amanda was charming even when she was fleecing you for all you were worth. There's really nothing charming about Ella. She's kind of trashy and obvious, ogling men and women, throwing her PR clout around. That said, I didn't find her annoying, per se. Just a touch one-note. Her only glimmer of a three-dimensional personality came when she betrayed her obvious crush on her friend Jonah - it makes sense since they're both essentially little kids in grown-up bodies - so I'm hopeful they develop her into something meatier.

Auggie Kirkpatrick (played by Colin Egglesfield): We didn't get a lot from Auggie in the first ep. We know he's a chef at an upscale club/restaurant. We know that he is a recovering alcoholic. We know that he was very close with Sydney. And we know that, at the end of the episode, he took a bunch of bloody clothes and set them on fire in a dark alleyway, which I suspect is a red herring to make us think he actually offed Syd. I can't imagine that'll ultimately be the case. A couple other interesting tidbits: Riley made some casual comment to Lauren that "making out with Auggie" doesn't count as seeing someone (is that implying that he's gay, or just unavailable?), and Egglesfield is the second-worst actor on the show. Hot as hell, but not a lot going on behind that pretty face.

Lauren Yung (played by Stephanie Jacobsen): Lauren is a med student who finds out that her father can no longer pay tuition, and after an extremely well-timed indecent proposal, apparently becomes a hooker. I ended up liking Lauren quite a bit, and I think Jacobsen is a decent actress (even though I was perpetually distracted by her lips - don't know if it's the birthmark, the sheen of her lip-gloss, or the puffiness, but it was a problem for me). But I fear Lauren may be the first cast member written off. She barely interacted with anyone for the first half of the episode, and her storyline seems totally separate from everyone else's. That's not good for character longevity on this show (see: Rhonda, Sandy).

Riley Richmond (played by Jessica Lucas): Lucas was seen last season as an undercover cop on new "90210," but here plays a totally different character, a grade-school teacher who gets engaged to Jonah in the premiere. Lucas is a really solid actress (and stunningly beautiful), and I ended up totally invested in the Riley/Jonah relationship by the conclusion of the episode. That's pretty hard to do with a cynical bastard like me. I like her character a lot - she seems to be the emotional core of the complex - but her job is worrisome. There's not much sexy stuff they can do with elementary school unless they're going to venture into Mary Kay Letourneau territory.

Jonah Miller (played by Michael Rady): Jonah is Billy Campbell with his Peter Pan syndrome cranked to 11. Jonah is a total geek man-child, an aspiring filmmaker with apparently some talent who is currently hustling through life working as a videographer for bat mitzvahs and such. Somehow he scored a total babe like Riley, and the two had been dating for five years before Jonah popped the question in the premiere (it was both incredibly cheesy and sweet). I ended up quite enamored of Jonah by the end of the episode, and I really like the chemistry between Miller and Lucas. I'm curious to see where that couple will go.

David Breck (played by Shaun Sipsos): We didn't get a lot of David in the premiere. He's a former drug dealer and, we find out, current art thief (that's potentially interesting). He's a total man whore who was apparently banging Sydney for a while. And most importantly, he's the son of Michael Mancini. Now here's the problem: Sipsos looks NOTHING like Calabro, and Michael never had a son who would in any way be David's age now. There's a brief reference in the premiere that Michael denied David's existence for the first 13 years of the kid's life (I'm guessing that means that he impregnated someone pre-Jane? That is totally against Michael's character at the beginning of the show), but even that doesn't wash. I think that's because this character was originally supposed to be Jake's son, which WOULD work, since Jake DID have an illegitimate son about David's age, and Sipsos has a certain resemblance to Grant Show. I'm betting that the producers made the switch after realizing they couldn't get Jake back, and Michael was essentially waiting on the soup line for work. So, bing-bango, paternity swap. Not a fan.

Violet Foster (played by Ashlee Simpon-Wentz): Oh, here we go. When I heard that Ashlee Simpson - Jessica's little sister, best known for getting busted for lip-synching on "Saturday Night Live" - was going to be on this show, I was distraught. But I never expected her to be as bad as she was in the premiere. TERRIBLE. Her acting is actually worse than her singing! And I suspect the producers know it, too. When your most recognizable face appears for less than 15 minutes in your premiere episode, that is a PROBLEM. The dead character got more screen time! There is a chance that Simpson is intentionally acting badly, as Violet is clearly keeping secrets (she stole a picture of Sydney at the end - nothing subtle here, folks!), but I was totally shocked by how bad she was in that episode. Yowza.