Luke took his final three plus-sized ladies to Hawaii, and had solo dates with all of them. After trying to act as though he had equal and dramatic connections with all three - Malissa, Tali, and Mandy - he finally, FINALLY sent home the contestant who has just kind of hung around for weeks now for no real reason that I can figure out. About f'ing time.

Malissa and Luke seemed to have a great date at a sea animal park. They went swimming with dolphins. How do you NOT have a great time doing that? Then something weird happened: the two of them were having dinner and Luke asked her what she thought about them dating in real life. Malissa said that she was trying to figure that out, and that while she enjoyed the big splashy dates, ultimately she just enjoys spending time with Luke, and could be content do nothing with him. Somehow Luke took that as a negative (did anybody follow this line of thinking?), and he started bringing up how Malissa might have walls, and not really in a place to find a real relationship - that she's just there to win a game.

That's actually all probably true, and surprisingly insightful of Luke. However, nothing that they showed is in this episode would cause him to go into that mindset. Later, Luke started being vulnerable, and asking whether or not Malissa had an issue dating a guy as big as him. He openly admitted he was afraid of being rejected by her, and again, it's just so weird. I understand the fear of rejection, but why would his weight be an issue to these girls? They're all big, and hello, they've been fighting over him for weeks now. (Then again, I guess that's true on the "....Of Love" shows too, and none of those girls end up with Flav or Bret after things wrap.) Then they got dessert to go back to Luke's hotel room, and they totally did it. SLUTS! Just kidding; we don't know what happened, only that there was moaning involved. Malissa admitted that at the beginning she was definitely just in it to win it, but she said that after all this time, she was there for him. Hmmm.

Then Tali showed up for her date with her make-up gun set to whore. Seriously, I think Tali is a beautiful woman, she just needs to lay off the cosmetics. Tali was in the Navy in Israel, and yet she is not a fan of the water. She then proceeded to whine about being on a boat. Another tip, ladies: constant whining is not an attractive quality. Thankfully she finally got into it and seemed to have a good time with him - until he said that he wanted to take her snorkeling, and she freaked. UGH. She said being in the water was her biggest fear. Luke was quite patient with her - more patient than I would have been - and he talked her through getting off the freaking ladder and into the ocean.

Tali thought it showed that Luke has the mentality it takes to make a relationship work. Maybe, but at this point you're supposed to be having FUN, not dealing with drama. Luke said he has feelings for Tali that he's never had for any other woman. Really? We've seen nothing that suggests that thus far. Tali described the situation of dating him along with two other girls as "annoying but disturbing." I can see that. She then said she was trying to talk herself into hanging in there. That....was not a wise thing to say. Luke said that he was falling for Tali (who looked really pretty at dinner, it must be said), and said that when he's around her he feels "encompassed" by her. I will not make the easy joke. After that they went back to his room, where the two of them had a champagne toast, and Tali was really quite charming. And then they made out in a hot tub, and then she stayed the night with him, but it seemed more legitimately romantic than his seedier-seeming date with Malissa.

Then it was time for Sad Mandy, who Luke said that he had kept at the top of his list the entire show. Really? I am having such a hard time even understanding why that girl is still on the show at this point. She's just so...ordinary to me. Like you could find a Mandy in any Wal-Mart in America at 11:30 p.m. on a Friday night. To underline that statement, the two of them went riding four-wheelers. At lunch, which seemed the least easygoing of all his meal dates, he said that he believed Mandy to be the most ready for a relationship. That may explain why he's so into her: he is homing in on the desperation that apparently emanates off the girl in waves. That's harsh, I know. But I just have a hard time finding any positive qualities about Mandy. She complains all the time! Mandy mistookLuke's calmness for his near-constant lounge-lizard attempts to get in her britches. When he asked Mandy if she could see herself married to him, she said yes. And then she stayed with him on this outdoor bed contraption they set up for them on top of a boat. Or something.

At the ring ceremony Tali got her ring first - I suspect she's going to win this whole thing; I feel like Luke's repeated quote that "Tali is not the easy choice" is almost a post-show meme - and then Malissa got the second ring. That meant that Sad Mandy got cut. Good. She never made any sense to me on this show, and the editors did a terrible job of conveying any connection between her and Luke. Even in the final date I felt like they kept saying how much they connected, but they never really acted like they had a connection.

Next: The girls meet Luke's family, and Tali almost certainly wins. I mean, Malissa is essentially the villain of the season, right? She's certainly the most calculating. But most of all I need this show to be over. It's the fall now, and I have more important stuff to watch. � � � �