Previously on "Fat Bachelor": A 300-lb. bachelor winnowed down 20 voluptuous women to his full-figured Final 2: Malissa and Tali. Along the way we lost some memorable ladies, from deranged Kristian to tragic Danielle to bitchface Lauren to awesome Anna. Honestly, I had concerns about both of the final two - Malissa has been repeatedly shown to be a calculating game-player, while Tali flew under the radar for the first half of the season and still seemed very guarded going into the finale. But one of them had to "win," if going home with Luke could be considered a prize. On to the episode that seemed to NEVER END.

This episode Luke brought the women to meet his family in California. Tali was first. Luke looked like he had actually put on more weight since the trip to Hawaii, although Tali looked amazing, and said all the right things. (The limos and fabulous dates are nice, but just relaxing with one another is what it's all about, she said.) The Jewish issue came up again, and maybe I'm just totally naïve, maybe I've just been around so many of the Chosen People so I never think about it anymore, but I feel like they're making a bigger deal out of this than it really is.

We got to meet Luke's father's family, his grandmother (totally adorable; reminded me of the grandma from the Beverly Hillbillies), his brother, and Luke's dad, Mike. Interestingly, Luke was much larger than the rest of his family. Tali totally charmed grandma (she had all the right answers, and seemed very genuine - and it needs to be said, she looked stunning). Luke's father kind of amped-up the whole Christian thing, with a prayer before dinner, and suggesting they have church right there. Tali handled it well, and again said everything right. I felt as though the producers were prompting Mike to really chip away at the religion issue. Luke pointed out that seriously, it's basically the same god anyway. The creation of unnecessary drama just made me more convinced that Tali was going to win the show.

Then Malissa showed up, and once again reiterated her desire to "win." Hm. Luke took her to shoot pool, and that bitch can play. Total pool shark. She said that she's "competitive and wants to win." Yeah, we got that in like Episode 2. The two of them bonded over their shared love of pepperoni pizza and beer. Who could have guessed that two different people could both love those two taste sensations? Shocking! Malissa was much more sunny and outgoing meeting the family than Tali was. Luke's father almost immediately took  a shine to Malissa. At dinner, Malissa blatantly admitted that she came on the show without any intention of actually finding love; she just wanted to do it for "the experience" (read: fame). That was pretty damning. Luke's father was totally smitten with her, and made no secret of his feelings. Luke's brother, to his credit, said that he didn't think the decision was that simple. Luke's father is kind of a jackass, and basically told Luke straight up that he needed to choose Malisa.

Total aside: I love Luke's grandmother. I found her totally endearing. She is widowed, and it made me wonder: if we can have a fat dating show, why not a senior-citizen dating show? I would watch that. I bet it would be sweet.

And then: Luke's mom, Faith, showed up, and she was SO CUTE! She reminded me of Diane Keaton. She looked a lot like him, actually. Malissa made a blatant full-court press, offering up her resume and pretty obviously kissing her ass. Luke's mom wasn't buying it. She was totally not buying Malissa's folksy charm. She was, however, impressed by Tali's story (moving from Israel, her drive in her career). In fact, anything Tali said Luke's mom responded well too, while she had a fairly negative reaction to Malissa's obvious attempts at currying favor. Luke's mother had no issue with the Jewish thing. Because she seems intelligent. So, duh.

After Luke's mom asked why the girls went on a show like this, Tali had a very thoughtful answer (not just about finding love, it's about changing people's perceptions), while Malissa said she basically did it on a whim, and actually referred to herself as a "main character." For someone so shrewd, she was making boneheaded comments left and right this episode.

Tali and Faith had a one-on-one and Tali spoke about her modeling aspirations (interesting, since that's what got Anna cut, it seemed to me), but the undercurrent was essentially Tali is self-reliant and understands the importance of taking care of yourself before you can be with anybody else. After doing her interview with Malissa, Faith said that she thinks Tali is "awesome," and that she would make an amazing wife for anyone, and would be a real asset for Luke. She was less effusive about Malissa. Specifically, she said NOTHING. It was actually kind of awesome, and very classy on her part.

Final dates: Tali basically told Luke that she would be willing to move to California for Luke, and that she would still pursue her career in California, just with a different trajectory. After a tense, but understandable, discussion about the Malissa sitation, the two of them made out, and admitted to one another that they loved one another. It was very sweet, I have to admit. Tali has walls up and I wish she was more vocal in the first half of the season (or that the producers had shown more of her), but she is quite likable. She's easy to root for.

For her final date, Malissa wore a strapless dress, and that was a bad decision.  TAN LINES! Malissa kept repeating that Luke has been such a gentleman the whole way. Um, 1. He was simultaneously dating 19 other women. 2. He was making out with you within 20 minutes of meeting you. How is that gentlemanly? Was he using church tongue? Malissa was much more down to business, even going so far as to say, "If you asked me to marry you, the answer is yes." Way to jump the gun there, blondie. Luke said that he could see himself being very happy with her, and I suspect he could - for at least a little while. Luke has been horned up for Malissa since she walked out of that limo, and I can't help but wonder if the two of didn't just get it over with, if they'd still be so into one another. Because he at least seemed to be oblivious to the disconcerting comments she has made the past few episodes. Luke said he felt her sincerity on a whole ‘nother level, and I will say that she seemed more sincere than she had been before, but still calculating.

After watching Luke getting out bed (too much, Fox, too much) we saw him and the gals prepare for the big day. Luke went shopping for engagement rings. Why would anyone even consider proposing marriage under circumstances like this? These people could not have known one another for more than a couple of weeks, AND they've never EVER been alone together. They've been on camera the whole time, and the guy has been dating multiple women at the same time. Yea gods. I just do not understand. For someone who claims to take marriage so seriously, he's treating this engagement awfully lightly.

Oh, here comes Emme! Can we all agree that she has been the most useless host ever on a reality TV show? She would basically show up once per episode to have the women put their rings in the bowl, and then after the ceremony, tell the losers to say goodbye. Why even bother having her? Why not just have Luke do confessionals?

Once the ladies were in their final gowns, Tali looked like a knockout, while Malissa looked way overly made-up (although her fuschia gown was lovely). Luke told Malissa that he considered her a fun and adventurous woman, and that their lives could be woven together easily. Probably true - again, for a little while. And then he came with the "but," and told her that his heart belongs to somebody else. Malissa looked pissed. She said, "Everything felt so right, I just can't believe it was so wrong." And that really must suck. Seriously. I would note that she didn't shed a single tear in Luke's presence. Make of that what you will. Even in the limo ride home, she seemed more annoyed than legitimately sad. "What made her better than me?" she asked. That's a really telling statement. All that said, I felt bad for Malissa. I think she got wrapped up in the game, but I don't think she's a bad person or anything.

After dismissing Malissa, Luke spoke rapturously about Tali and how deeply he was in love with her. I'm glad for the decision, but I wish the show had showed us their connection earlier in the season, because it still seems somewhat out-of-left-field for me. Tali looked absolutely amazing in her floral-print gown. It was flowy, flattering, and she was just...wow. After doing some torture with the whole "we're from two different worlds" crap, Luke finally got down on one knee and asked Tali to be his wife. And she said yes! It was very romantic, and I'm genuinely happy for them, but--marriage?! Come on guys, try dating first.

Anyway, enough on that. A happy ending. I like Tali, she seems like a wonderful woman, I actually have more concerns about Luke than I do her, but we'll see what happens for the two of them.

I was seriously hoping for a reunion special - "More to Love: Chewing the Fat," perhaps - but it looks like it's not to be. Ah, well. I want a "Fatchelorette" with either Anna or Bonnie. They were awesome.