Last week: Team Poker totally pussed out, quitting in the middle of the fields of the Netherlands because they couldn't play golf and they couldn't ring a bell. Weakness. Sam and Dan left first, and had to fly to Stockholm, Sweden, where they had to travel by train and ferry to an amusement park.

Since the teams were getting to the airport after midnight, it was obviously going to be one gigantic bunch. Meghan & Cheyne noted that there were two flights, one at 6:55 a.m., one at 9:25 a.m. I find them dull and vaguely irritating, especially Meghan, but they do seem to be competent racers, which is an exception this season. The 6:55 booked up fast, leaving Pinky & the Brain and Team Miss America without seats. That's a two-hour difference between the first and second groups. That's tough to overcome.

After landing, the teams had to race for a seat on a train, and Team Globetrotter JUST missed the train. That must have sucked for them. At the amusement park, they had a Roadblock where one member had to go up on a VERY high vertical drop ride and look for an arrow somewhere in the park in order to locate their next clue.  Then they had to do a game of ring toss, and hope that the cone they got their ring on had a Travelocity gnome underneath it, which they had to take with them. Not that ever came into play at any other point in the episode. Sigh.

Then, awesomeness in the Detour: teams got to choose between using dynamite to reveal a clue buried in the ground, or translate Nordic runes to deliver a coded message to a grown-ass man dressed like a Viking. It's nice to know humiliation isn't strictly an American hobby. Also, if you are ever given the choice between translating and dynamite, you ALWAYS CHOOSE DYNAMITE. And all of these teams did.

Meanwhile, the second plane landed, and Pinky & the Brain took too long to get their train tickets, giving Ericka & Brian a little leg up on them. Again, that had to suck.

At the dynamite Detour, Meghan got a little snippy with Cheyne, and she was being both whiny and stupid, arguing that it would be faster for the two of them to work on one bag at a time instead of both of them working on bags simultaneously. That doesn't even make sense. Sam and Dan crushed it by deciding not to use the tiny shovels provided for filling the bags, which they needed to use to create their make-shift bunkers. Meghan & Cheyne finished third, and Meghan kept up with the bitching in the car after the challenge. Apparently she chose to take the detour to Harpyville.

The next clue led the racers to a farm for what Phil called one of the most grueling challenges in "Amazing Race" history: the infamous hay bales. This was exciting for me, because this challenge was from the very first episode of "Amazing Race" I ever watched, back in Season 6, when the team of sisters unrolled hay bales for 10 hours looking for a clue, never finding one, forcing Phil to come out to the field in the middle of the night to eliminate them. It was truly incredible television. This time there were 180-something hay bales with very few clues in the mix, and five teams scared shitless.

Sam took it for Sam & Dan, and Dan sat on the sidelines freaking out at him. Seriously, he needed to shut up with the armchair hay rolling. In a move that made absolutely no sense, Cheyne just stood there as Meghan took the challenge for their team. She was straining on bale one; how could he think she would fare well after hours of pushing those things? They were bigger than she was. And Big Easy started in for Team Globetrotters, and ended up finding the clue first, which was like God's birthday present for his teammate, Flight Time. For their first-place finish they got a trip to Turks & Caicos. That's a pretty kickass present.

The last two teams arrived while Sam and Meghan were still unrolling, and Meghan had a full-on breakdown, and I loved every minute of it. Brian took it for Team Miss America, and Gary took it for Pinky & the Brain. Meghan called it the hardest thing she's ever done, and I imagine it was; in addition to rolling the huge bales, they had to rip off the plastic covering to even get them going. After Brian helpfully told Dan that it was harder than it looked, Dan finally shut up. Meghan finally found one, and psyched Cheyne out by hiding the clue in her hand. Eh. The two of them are so lame...

Brian found the third clue, which made me happy. I love Team Miss America. That left Team Gay Bro and Pinky & the Brain, both teams I like (then again, with the exception of Meghan & Cheyne, I like all the remaining teams). I felt less bad about the possibility of a Sam/Dan elimination when Sam sat down in the middle of the field at the point where he should have been fighting for his life, when it was just him versus Gary. But finally, Sam got his clue, and they came in fourth. Dan broke into tears and embarrassed himself at the mat, basically realizing that he was being a total prick. Ultimately it solidified their brotherly bond. Their gay-ass brotherly bond.

To their credit, Pinky & the Brain kept going, and Matt was totally awesome and supportive the whole time. That's awesome. After 2 hours and 45 minutes they got their clue, and checked in, and it was a non-elimination leg. Well, who didn't see THAT one coming? We haven't had one of those since Episode 1. I'm glad all the teams survived, especially through the hay bales, since that is a challenge in which absolutely nothing you do - no smarts, talent, strength, strategy - has any impact in the final standings. It's a brutal challenge, and I loved seeing the drama it created, but it's also not a particularly fair way for a team to get cut, you know?

Next: Matt doesn't know what a candelabra is; more gratuitous male nudity as the teams strip down to underwear/bathing suits to do something in a swamp. Not that I am complaining.