No liveblog for tonight's episode since I was on the West Coast for work, but here's my take on the best and worst of the Dallas auditions. The guest hosts for the evening were Neil Patrick Harris, who sparred with Simon time and time again, and Nick Jonas, who was as pointless as you would imagine.

-Julie Kavelighan tried out for the show back in Season 1 and butchered "Lady Marmalade"; this time she did the same to "Black Velvet." The best part of the bit was the fact that she made a sign saying "This Is My Year," but she couldn't even do a good enough job spacing the letters out so that it all scrunched together at the end. Julie blamed her poor performance on her lack of breath control; Julie is sad and totally delusional, and I hate that the show exploited her - again.

-Lloyd Thomas is an airline dock worker who believes that he can do the robot (he can't), and has two young daughters who he wants to lift from poverty. THEN GET A BETTER JOB, LLOYD. Don't waste your time trying out for reality TV shows. Lloyd picked Stevie Wonder's "Overjoyed," and he can sing better than I expected him to. But...we have already had a Reuben. America has proven itself totally uninterested in Reuben over the past six years, and Lloyd and Reuben seem cut from very, very similar cloths. The panel loved him, including Simon, who called him the best singer of the day. God, I hope that's not true. Even with the decent voice, I found him irritating, especially during his post-victory gloating.

-Kimberly Carver has a big jazzy voice and reminded me a bit of Brittany Snow with deep black hair. Simon dismissed her as not being current or interesting - which makes no sense, since last year he championed Megan Joy, who had the same vibe as Kimberly but not even half the voice. After getting up in Simon's business Neil convinced the other judges to send her through, even though that should have been an easy yes. She can sing! They've sent through people with a lot less talent than that this season.

-Dexter Ward is yet another in a long line of sexually confused young black men who flock to this show like drag queens to a big-and-tall women's shoe sale. He didn't know the actual name of the show (he called it "America's Idol"), he had an affinity for the word "very," and is completely tone deaf/monotone. I just couldn't believe that we spent as long as we did on that pointless, pointless audition.

-Erica Rhodes got her start as a child actor on the cast of "Barney & Friends," but came into the "Idol" audition dressed as a dominatrix, in a full leather outfit and cracking a whip. Jesus, my 3-year-old niece watches that show; I don't need to think about her possible future career in domination. Erica picked "Free Your Mind" by En Vogue, which was a good choice for her nasally, small-ish voice. I don't think she's particularly versatile as a singer. In the bedroom, that's clearly a different story. And she actually got put through. OY!

-Dave Pittman has Tourette's Syndrome, although it seems to present itself in him as throat-clearing rather than the profanity-spewing that we often see portrayed in the media. He says that it never affects him while he sings. He picked a Sam Cooke song, and sang in a lovely, expressive tenor. He got through easily, and Simon said he thought people would really like him. Absolutely, he's a triple threat: solid singer, cute as a button, and a sob story that works for him. It's like Danny Gokey or blind Scott from last season.

-Todrick Hall sang with Fantasia in "The Color Purple" musical. He sang an original song (I find those so tiresome), but Todrick is a really strong r'n'b singer. Simon thought he was charming, but wasn't wowed by the vocals. Still, Todrick got through to Hollywood. I hope he didn't actually pay $300 for the pair of jeans he namechecked in his silly song.

-Megan Wright's sob story seems to be that her parents divorced five years ago and both remarried, but somehow she argues that leaves just her and her brother, who she dragged along to the audition. The kid was beyond precocious, and I actually found him quite irritating. As for Megan, I was not a big fan of her voice. It was super affected and breathy, and also had that goaty thing going on in it. But the judges just loved it. Eh. I think she's a huge drama queen desperate for attention, and I hope she gets cut fairly quickly in Hollywood, because there's something about her that I find off-putting and desperate.

-Vanessa Johnston is one part Cyndi Lauper mixed with one part Scooter Girl, and the result is totally a gigantic mess. She wailed her way through Etta James' "At Last" without hitting a single one of the notes, and it went on for like five minutes. Simon told her that she is what his nightmares look like. She didn't get through, but at least she kept a really positive attitude throughout.

-Christian Spear was diagnosed with leukemia when she was 4, which is terrible, but thankfully she's been in remission for eight years now. Christian also did the over-affected, completely unauthentic singing bit, and the judges went way overboard in their praise of her. She made it through, and I'm dismayed, because there's nothing about Christian in that audition. She's just parroting a bunch of other singers, many of them not that good to begin with.

All in all 31 people made it through from Dallas. Not bad. Next week: the final auditions in Denver, plus a totally unnecessary recap episode. WHY CAN'T WE JUST GET TO HOLLYWOOD ALREADY?! Ugh.