Opening number was set to a stripped-down version of Sting's "Every Little Thing She Does Is Magic," set around an "Alice in Wonderland"-type tea party. Everything, including the dancers, was in black and white except All-Star Allison -- who was almost certainly filling in for Lauren, who ended Wednesday night's episode heading to the medic. Allison was dressed in brilliant pinks, blues, and yellows. It appeared that all of the male dancers from this season -- including Jose, who had been siting out the past few group numbers due to "groin injury" (or possibly, "inability to do the choreography" injury?) -- were in this one (it was hard to tell with the make-up and costumes), as were a bunch, if not all, the male All-Stars. I loved the routine. It was vaguely frenetic, whimsical, and very cool. It felt like a Mia Michaels routine to me, and indeed, she was the mastermind behind it.

Cat informed everyone that, thankfully, Lauren is fine despite her medical scare. Phew! It's already a sausage fest up in this piece; I don't think I could deal with an all-male Final 4. Then Nigel talked a bit about the prizes, which are almost never mentioned on this show -- $250,000, cover of Dance Spirit Magazine, and new this year, the winner will be the first dance athlete "recognized" by Gatorade as part of its new print campaign. So the winner gets to be a corporate shill? Wow, what an awesome prize. Barf.

And then Nigel got all excited about the fact that a drink company is recognizing dance as a sport. Certainly dance is an intensely physical activity, even more demanding than many actual sports I can think of. But for a sport, doesn't there have to be a competitive quality to it? Besides reality shows, hip-hop battles, and ballroom dance competitions, I don't think of dance as competitive in that way. I think of it as collaborative more than anything. It's an art. An extremely physical art, but an art. And who the fuck cares what a shitty drink company thinks anyway?

Results: Jose and Kent were up first. One of them is probably going to win this show, the other should never have made the Top 11. Of course, Kent was safe, and Jose was rightfully bounced to the B3 again - third week in a row, I believe. DROP THE AXE, SHOW.

Next up: AdeChike and Billy, the former dressed like a Dickensian street urchin. Perhaps trying to subliminially remind the judges of his incredible homeless routine Tuesday? He'll need it, as he was in the bottom - AdeChike was safe - and Billy reacted to the news by laughing. And this is kind of where I officially threw my hands up at Billy Bell. I have a hard time liking him as a contestant if he can't take this competition seriously, and he has suggested multiple times that he really does not give a shit. You can cut him too, now, judges.

Finally, Lauren and Robert. I thought Robert's contempo piece was overpraisd, but he was great on the Bollywood, while Lauren was - in my apparently minority opinion - off her game pretty consistently Wednesday. Then, shocker: perennial bottom-dweller Robert was safe, and Lauren was in the B3 for the first time all season. Robert's reaction to the news was so over the top I couldn't help but find it disingenuous. But Lauren joining Jose and Billy in the bottom all but consigned the two dudes to elimination. The judges aren't going to send home the last remaining girl on the show, especially when Jose sucks so bad and Billy has been given multiple chances.

Then, a commercial for the film "Step Up 3D," produced by Adam Shankman, and featuring a whole bunch of former "SYTYCD" contestants, including Twitch, Ivan, Ashlee, Musa, and some others. Then we got a live performance featuring some of the cast, including Lil C (UGH!) and...Tony from Season 5?! The first guy eliminated that season? How the fuck did THAT happen? He totally got shown up by the other male dancer, too. Then it went into a krump routine, I guess, although I still have a hard time identifying that style, because I still don't think it really exists. Then that morphed into a fabulous group hip-hop routine with some sick b-bboy moves. Why were none of these kids on the show this year? Every one of them was better than goddamned Jose. One guy spun on his head for easily a minute. We got so robbed on the hip-hop front this season....

Musical guest: Christian TV singing "When She Turns 18." The dancers were dressed like bathing beauties from the Golden Age of Hollywood crossed with Madonna's "Erotica"-era lingerie ensembles. Man, this kid's voice sucks. He looked like Parker Lewis, right down to the totally retro hipster threads. The song has a great beat and is vaguely catchy. The best part of the number was when the dancers ripped off their shower caps and threw their hair around like 90's video hos. I am Eric Rezsnyak, and I approve of that message. But I do not approve of this TV boy. The kid has like zero charisma. Anybody can get a record contract these days. My 4-year-old niece is in final negotiations with Geffen Records.

National Dance Day is happening on July 31. Prepare your booty accordingly.

Solos: Jose did lots of leg flairs and some tumbling. Again, a much better solo than he was capable of doing a few weeks ago. He has unquestionably gotten better. But he should have been at this level before he even auditioned for this show. I will never understand how he made it onto the cast this season. Billy did a very interesting, intricate routine with lots of personality, but not a lot of showiness until halfway through. I bet Billy is probably a great choreographer, and certainly he is a very good soloist. But I don't think he's a versatile dancer, nor a great partner dancer. Lauren's solo had a ton of power and spunk, and didn't betray any hint of injury. It was certainly more pedestrian than Billy's, but the passion was there and it looked good.

Musical guest 2: Allison Iraheta, with Orianthi, doing "Don't Waste the Pretty." Allison makes me sad for a few reasons. She has a fantastic voice, you guys. She really does. And cute as a button. But her hair looked terrible, like someone decided that she was a human Jem doll or something (and I love Jem). And she has the WORST songs! I would like to buy an Allison Iraheta song, I really would, but they are terrible. The same problem has afflicted her tourmate, Adam Lambert. Tons of potential vocally, and it's wasted on crappy tunes. This one was barely even melodic, and seemed like its many disparate parts were held together with fuzz-covered Scotch tape and pre-enjoyed chewing gum found on a dorm-room floor. Someone get her a competent songwriter, please. I beg of you.

Results: While Jose was an obvious boot, I could see the judges having a harder time cutting Billy, even though he should have been sent home after not dancing last week. Cat again made another dig at the judges for not doing their jobs last week - I think she was seriously pissed off about that, you guys - and Nigel said that their decision was unanimous. Also, it would be the judges' last decision for the season, as next week viewer votes alone will determine who makes the Final 3. Gee, you mean we get to have an actual say in this goddamned show we're supposed to be running? How magnanimous of you, Lythgoe.

Nigel told Jose that he's learned so much on this show, mastered other styles (lies), and went farther than they expected him to due to his personality (I still don't see that). Nigel commented on Billy's perennial bottom-dwelling, citing the fact that his "androgynous style" might be getting him in trouble. Hm. But he did say that choreographers love the kid, which makes sense. Nigel talked about how Lauren's the only girl left because young female voters go for the cute young boys. Yup, and it's a real problem with the new format. But then he killed the suspense by telling her that she was safe, and Billy and Jose were going home.

Good. Jose should have been gone weeks and weeks ago, within the first three dancers, I'd say. Had we not had that string of injury-related eliminations I am confident he never would have made F6, even with the judges lapping at his supposedly injured crotch. As for Billy, he is technically a brilliant dancer, one of the most memorable dancers we've ever had on the show. But he really pissed me off the past two weeks (the amazing homeless routine excepted), and never really connected with the viewers. To me, both of those eliminations were overdue.