We kicked off the finale with an intro package about how awesome it feels to win this show. Weirdly, they showed only Nick, Benji, and Jeanine's moments of triumph - we saw background images of Sabra, Joshua, and Russell, but not their names getting called. That was totally random.

The show officially opened with a massive group dance to "Ran" by Nathan Lanier. Melinda of all people was front and center, tapping in a blazing red dress. I always thought her tapping was by far her worst quality as a dancer. A bunch of guys danced behind her in suits - it was impossible to tell who. Then a bunch of All-Stars came out to dance, with Dom and Jose doing some breaking in the middle. Twitch took center stage as the All-Star girls and the girls of S7 did a cool formation and surrounded him as he moved about the stage. Then, lightning quick, more All-Star guys came out with ALEX WONG!, who danced in a chair due to his injury, doing some fancy hand choreography. Billy, Ade, and Neil danced around him. AdeChike came out doing flips. Soon the stage was filled with everybody - impeccably dressed, I would add - and the Final 3 took the center of the stage. It was good to see Ashley out there, dancing her ass off. Can you imagine what an amazing F4 it would have been with her and Alex in the mix? Too sad. Choreographed by Christopher Scott from the League of Extraordinary Dancers, and it was a fabulous routine indeed. More from him next season, por favor!

Cat came out looking like an explosion of peach taffeta. Joining the regular judging trifecta of Mia, Adam, and Nigel (who got a package dedicated to his terrible, terrible hairstyles over the seasons) were Stacey Tookey, Tyce DiOrio, Kenny Ortega (UGH!), and finally, for the first time during regular competition, Mary fucking Murphy. About damned time. She really needs to be brought back in more regularly next season, I missed her crazy, screaming ass.

After a recap of last night's episode and a commercial, it was time for judges' picks. Kenny was up first, and really, why the hell is he here? Why not one of the actual choreographers who worked on this season? I actually think I hate him and his unending blathering. He picked Tyce's Broadway routine from "Damn Yankees" featuring Kent and Neil. For all my bitching, it was a good routine, although it was better the first time. They weren't as together here and the movements were slightly sloppy. Still, very fun.

For Nigel's first pick he went with Stacey Tookey's great contemporary piece with Billy Bell and Ade, about the homeless guy and the businessman who used to be friends, set to "Mad World." A wonderful piece, and probably Billy's shining moment of the season. Stacey really amplified both dancers' strengths. It's funny, I couldn't stand Ade when he was contestant on this show (I think it was that stupid pick...), but I think he's wonderful now. This was just as good as the first time around. Captivating.

Special guest dance performance: Quest Crew, featuring former "SYTYCD" cast members Ryan and Hok. Loved the costumes, which were a funky mix of goth and punk. Great contemporary hip-hop number set to "Suzy" by Caravan Palace. The membership of this group has changed significantly in the past few years, hasn't it? Is Dominic still in it? I couldn't make him out here. I loved both Ryan and Hok, and thought they got robbed on their respective seasons. Quest faked out the audience, suggesting that the routine was over, and then went on. I was glad, because I wanted it to last for hours. I would pay to see these guys perform live, no doubt about it, and this was one of their less trick-heavy routines. Still so fresh and fun.

For Mia's first pick she went with NappyTabs' hip-hop starring Comfort and AdeChike, about an abusive relationship. Definitely a highlight of the season, and I liked that Mia took special care to praise Comfort's performance in it, because this number perhaps more than any other really did show how useful the All-Star concept was. This wouldn't have been nearly as resonant with a contemporary girl (as almost all of this year's female contestants were) trying her hand at hip-hop. It required, as Mia put it, a hip-hop superhero, and that's what Comfort has become since her time on the show. The downside to this piece, both then and now, is that Comfort completely owned the routine, and AdeChike - the actual contestant this year - was basically an afterthought. Just as good the second time, and Comfort really clocked poor AdeChike. But as Cat put it, he took it like a man.

Montage about all the "romance" we saw this season, which was basically groping, smooching, and the occasional creepy bout of sexual harassment and stalking (see: Dominic re: Cat). They have to fill two hours, folks. It's either this or photo cutouts of Cat and Nigel doing a Mexican hat dance.

Following that was Kent and Anya's "My First Kiss" ballroom routine, which was good, but not the best, or even sexiest, ballroom of the season. However, I got to see that gorgeous creature Anya rip up the stage again, and they thankfully fixed her terrible overshirt from the original routine. Kent was actually better this time, I thought, until he botched some handwork toward the end, and things seemed to be careening toward disaster until it thankfully ended safely.

Tyce's pick for favorite number was another NappyTab routine, the angry clown routine with Robert and Dominic set to "Scars" by Basement Jaxx. I actually didn't care for this that much first time around. I thought Robert was probably worn out by the time he did it, which was at the end of the show, and I think that was proved here. He was much harder and crisper this time out. Weirdly, Dominic was still in the backseat here, only really coming to life during his leg flails. But it was WAY better than the first time around, and Robert did a killer job. Good on him.

Then, Cat told us that Nigel had promised a fabulous tap routine with trapeze acts and fire breathers, but he came out on stage on crutches with a giant bandage on his foot. He explained that he had been struck by the Season 7 curse, and he stubbed his toe on Adam Shankman's gigantic wallet. Oh, ha. Then a 7-year-old kid, Luke, came out to take his place. And by god, can that kid dance. No offense to Melinda (...OK, offense to Melinda), but THAT is what I think of when I think of tap. The kid had rhythm, variation, and style to spare. She always just seemed so messy when she did tap. The other styles she was great on, but tap? I never got it. This kid was great.

Then more tappers, the Manzori Brothers (I guess, we didn't a chyron). Apparently Nigel discovered them on National Dance Day. This felt flat and dull to me too. Maybe I only like it when adorable little urchins taps. I don't know. It just never seemed to end.

Nigel's next choice was an Argentine tango by Lauren and Pasha set to "Oblivion." I actually preferred the ballroom she did last night to this, but it was still a good number, and Lauren was great in it - even better this time, I think. She seemed more assured, more sensual. She reminds me of Marion Cotillard in the fullness of her face, and that is a compliment. Pasha's one-handed lift, and then the draping down of her body, were exquisite. Mega sexy.

Adam's pick was the absolutely worthy "Fix You" routine Travis Wall crafted for Robert and Allison. He called it the routine of the season, and I think it's probably in contention for that honor (I might give it to the Twitch/Alex hip-hop, though). One thing I loved about this number was the way Robert so perfectly captured Travis, since this is such an autobiographical work. The clothing, the movement, the expressions, everything was Travis through and through. And can I just say that I'm so glad Allison got a chance to really shine as an All-Star this season? I always loved her in Season 2, but what she put forth on the stage dramatically eclipsed pretty much everything she did during her original tenure.

Then Season 6 winner Russell came out with Lil C (UGH) for a krump routine. It was fine, but in no way showed off what Russell is capable of. He's the odd dancer who actually shined in styels that weren't his own. Krump is just such a silly style to me. There's so much hopping. I just can't take any of it seriously. People actually "battle" through krump? Why not Tiddlywinks?

Mary Murphy got the next pick, and she went with the Dominic/Jose b-boy battle. And she referred to both of them as hotty-patotties. Oh, Mary. If that's how it's going to be, you can stay off the show. I get that this was a first for the show, and that's nice. It wasn't a bad routine - certainly Jose's best by a wide mile - but I was dreading having to see that waste of a cast space tonight, and sure enough, he did nothing to change my very low opinion of him here. So slow and sloppy. He looked like a child trying to keep up with an adult, and the fact that he "wins" the battle at the end is such a joke given that Dominic slays him in their side-by-side trick segments. Ack.

Then we got the winner of "So You Think You Can Dance" UK, Charlie Bruce, dancing a Stacey Tookey contemporary number with Neil, set to "I Surrender" by Celine Dion. She is certainly very flexible! Neil was flipping this chick all over the place and every which way. The whole thing was a bit twee, with the whispy dress, the copious amounts of stage smoke, and the, well, Celine Dion. But it was danced very well by both of them (I miss Neil!). I would love to see an international all-star edition of this show, in which the various countries' winners or finalists face off against each other. Consider that dance is a universal language.

Then Cat called the F3 on to the stage, all dressed in costumes from numbers we're about to see, so that was pretty stupid on the producers' parts. The first cut of the night was Robert, which is exactly as it should be. Robert acquitted himself very well in this competition, especially in the back half, but he would have been the least worthy winner in the show's history, with the possible exception of Sabra (*ducks tomatoes*). He was also super cute and very humble, and handled the cut well. Good on you, Robert.

Adam made an ass out of himself while introducing the next critic piece, NappyTabs' hip-hop piece with Lauren and Twitch to "My Chick Bad." I actually did not care for this piece at all the first time around. I think the costumes might have been tweaked, because they didn't look so poorly fitted this time. Lauren was better this time too. I don't know if it's because she's not competing anymore, or not nervous, or just has grown over the past couple weeks, but she was outstanding and outdanced Twitch a second time. I can't wait to see her on the tour.

Cat got to pick a favorite routine, which was the Sonya Tayeh contemporary routine to "Hallelujah," featuring Alex and Allison from the very first week of competition. Since Alex remains seriously injured they had to rebroadcast the original tape. That's too bad. I'm not sure what the point was to re-play a routine instead of doing a new performance of another one, but then, I'm not a reality show producer.

After Cat came back, something bizarre happened with the sound, and when she threw it to Stacey, I wasn't sure what the hell was going on. Stacey - who got rudely cut off by Cat, which was also weird -- picked Billy and Robert's Bollywood number by Nakul, which I don't get at all. Billy was pretty bad on this the first time out, and we had better Bollywood numbers throughout the season for sure.

Mia's next favorite was Travis Wall's awesome contemporary piece with Kent and Neil to "How It Ends." I've read a lot of online comments suggesting that this wasn't the breakdown of a friendship, as Travis stated, but more about the brutal end of a relationship between two guys. Maybe, but it's not like Travis is exactly in the closet - why not just say that? And I can totally see him choreographing this about a getting totally screwed over by a trusted friend. Anyway, great routine, and brilliantly danced again by the two of them.

For the musical guest they brought out Black Gold to sing "Shine," the farewell song for this season. I couldn't decide if he was singing live or not, but he sounded good. The guy has a MOUTH on him.

Final routine of the night: the Alex/Twitch hip-hop routine set in the psychiatrist office. Apparently after he was injured, the show was contacted by a "dance superstar" who wanted to recreate the routine with Twitch - and it was Ellen DeGeneres?! That I did not see coming. I...maybe would have preferred Katie Holmes. I will say this, though. Ellen did better than I expected her to. Twitch was absolutely holding back, but still, Ellen did pretty damned well, and worked the part where Alex would have gone into his ballet moves by doing what she does - comedy, in this case, physical comedy. A cute way to end the show.

Final results: really, either Lauren or Kent would make totally acceptable winners. They've both had great seasons. They're both exceptional dancers. They both obviously put everything they have on the stage. I applaud them both. And it turned out to be Lauren! Oh, what a delightful surprise! She was really the best Wednesday night, consistently fantastic. But I thought for sure Kent would take this. It was very weird that after Lauren's win was announced that Kent just...disappeared. No words from him, no nothing. He was just...gone. I wish they would give more time to the runners-up, and at least give the winner a fucking minute to speak.