How do I avoid tantrums from my 2-year-old over the candy in the checkout line?

--- Exhausted in Elba

Dear Exhausted:

It's absolutely fascinating that all the parenting books neglect to mention one of the most valuable parenting tools: lying. The art of deception is sorely undervalued by child psychologists.

For example, let's say you have an infant daughter and a 2-year-old son. You've already crammed too much into the day, but there isn't a crumb of food in the house and you're out of diapers. Factoring that you have about 30 minutes left on the baby meter, you make a desperate stop at Tops. You try to safely blow by seniors, knowing full well that if one of your children makes a peep, five blue-heads will risk whiplash to give you the helpful evil eye.

Like an Olympian, you make it to checkout. The woman in front of you is trying to use her cat food coupon for shampoo. Your son, with the grace and aplomb that only a toddler can muster, reaches for a pink package and firmly states, "I want gum Mommy!".

You have two choices:

-Use this as a teaching moment, only to be rewarded with your child's re-enactment of The Exorcist.

-Gasp, slap your hand over your mouth in horror, then exclaim, "Why sweetheart, that's not candy, that's Rat Poison! If you eat that, you will throw up. The package is pretty so rats will want to eat it. That's why they sell it next to the batteries. If it were candy, it would be in the candy aisle."

The right choice, of course, is the second. People who the first either don't have children or write parenting books.