Vague conversations with vague relations. The orgy of coats on the spare bed. Overloaded electrical sockets, crystal pickle dishes, unforgivable candy. December offers enough predictability as it is; do you really want to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" or "Miracle On 34th Street" again? Even "A Christmas Story" and "National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation" might be wearing out their welcomes.

Tradition has its satisfying place, but read on for some alternatives to the usual holiday cinema that should either fill you with the festive spirit, or mirror that grinchy mood you try to eggnog into submission. No one's saying these movies are all top-shelf, but at least none of them are Hulk Hogan's "Santa With Muscles."

"Bad Santa" (2003): This notoriously blue Christmas comedy stars Billy Bob Thornton as a career con man who poses as Santa so he can rob malls, until some 8-year-old killjoy teaches him about the true meaning of whatever.

"Die Hard" (1988): Hey! Get back here. Why is NYPD detective John McClane even around to thwart the Eurotrash terrorizing Nakatomi Plaza? Because it's Christmas Eve, and he's trying to patch things up with the wife. The equally awesome "Die Hard 2" goes down at Christmas, too! I'm just saying...

"Eight Crazy Nights" (2002): Adam Sandler parlayed his "Hanukkah Song" into this animated feature about a 30something jerk who finds redemption through community service, such as throwing his buddy Rob Schneider his yearly professional bone.

"Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas" (1977): Jim Henson's enduring tale of a toe-tapping Christmas in Frogtown Hollow hinges on whether Emmet and his lo-fi friends can win the talent contest over the wealthy and electrified (read: undeserving) Riverbottom Gang.

"Friday After Next" (2002): It's Christmas in Crenshaw: a fake Santa jacks Craig (Ice Cube) and Day Day's (Mike Epps) apartment, so the newly employed security guards hunt for their stuff as they embark on a weed-fueled holiday odyssey to the sounds of great R&B Christmas classics.

"Go" (1999): Before Doug Liman became a "Bourne"-again he directed this insanely entertaining "Pulp Fiction" rip-off that unfolds over one Christmas Eve as Sarah Polley orchestrates a rent-paying drug deal (with the hot, menacing Tim Olyphant) that will keep her from becoming "ho-ho-homeless."

"Gremlins" (1984): Never has a Christmas present come with so many damn rules.

"The Hebrew Hammer" (2003): In what its director dubbed "Jewsploitation," Adam Goldberg ("Entourage") plays a Jewish superhero who teams up with the head of the Kwanzaa Liberation Front (Mario Van Peebles) to save Hanukkah from Santa's evil son (Andy Dick, who would probably ruin every holiday if we let him).

"Joyeux Noël" (2005): A splendid international cast, including Diane Kruger, Guillaume Canet, and Daniel Brühl, bring to moving (and Oscar-nominated) life the famous Christmas Eve truce of 1914 between the Scottish, German, and French troops on France's Western Front.

"Kiss Kiss, Bang Bang" (2005): Robert Downey Jr. is nicking a Christmas present at the opening of Shane Black's clever retro-neo-noir, which somehow leads to an acting job in LA, a fabulously deadpan Val Kilmer, and childhood crush Michelle Monaghan in a slutty Santa frock. 

"Love, Actually" (2003): Eight different love stories whirl in the five weeks before Christmas, thanks to a cast top-heavy with the UK's best (Hugh Grant, Colin Firth, Keira Knightley, et al.). Bill Nighy's hilariously washed-up rock star might steal the film, but as chick-flickery goes, this one's a romantic gift.

"Millions" (2005): Danny Boyle moved light-years away from "Trainspotting" with this dark yet whimsical holiday-set fable about a kid bursting with imagination and faith despite the greed of the world. It's my favorite Christmas movie.

"The Nightmare Before Christmas" (1993):This stop-motion fantasy from the grey matter of Tim Burton observes as Halloween Town's Jack Skellington becomes so obsessed with Christmas Town that he takes over Santa's job, albeit with a macabre spin.

"The Proposition" (2006): Guy Pearce must kill Danny Huston in order to save their little brother from a Christmas date with the noose, and the climax of John Hillcoat's dusty, gobsmacking Western (by way of Australia) might be the most brutal, bullet-riddled holiday meal ever.

"Reindeer Games" (2000): John Frankenheimer's ("The Manchurian Candidate") final film is a dumb, twisty heist flick in which ex-con Ben Affleck pretends to be his dead cellmate and gets caught up in a Christmas Eve casino heist. Psychotic Gary Sinise is total holiday ham.

"Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" (1964): This revealing documentary chronicles the time that the inhabitants of Mars got so jealous of our holiday cheer that they kidnapped St. Nick for themselves. Turns out Martians really are green, and they possess Tickle Ray technology!

"Silent Night, Deadly Night" (1984): Because they're not all Merry Christmases, people.