BY SPENCER CHRISTIANO

Ah, sledding. A childhood joy of yesteryear, and a cherished pastime of the present. It almost seems odd that sledding is even still accepted in our overprotected culture. What could bring more fear to a parent's heart than seating the fruit of their loins on a cheap piece of plastic, and sending them careening down a snow-covered hill, with naught to stop their child other than friction, leaping off the sled of their own volition, or any number of obstacles waiting for them on the way down?

As my parents told me in regards to so many other activities, "If you're going to do it, do it right." Inspired by those words of wisdom I nobly sought out some of the notable sledding hills in the Greater Rochester area, dedicated to determining which hills provided the most speed and the greatest inclines, which hills were (presumably) safe, which hills I would be comfortable bringing a child to.

And so, gentle readers, I present my findings to you. Each location is rated on a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the most epically amazing sledding utopia, and 1 being the equivalent of a three-mile stretch of flat frozen marshland where after hours of inching yourself forward, a man in a spacesuit comes along and punches you in the face. If you choose to drag your sled out of the basement and brave the frozen tundra this winter, may you find joy in the same things I did, and may you avoid the pitfalls I so clumsily could not.

Cobbs Hill Park

As I drove my car past the corner of Highland and Monroe avenues, up the long and winding road toward the reservoir at the top of Cobbs Hill, I was reminded of walking the same path on foot years ago. Cobbs Hill will always hold a special place in my heart - I often went sledding there in my younger days. I parked my car, walked to the top of the hill, and looked down. The main sledding hill is jawdropping. A steep incline followed by a vast spread of flatland with hills on either side of it creates a perfect valley that allows for quick acceleration, as well as a safe area to slow down (even while your heart is still racing).

I sat upon my cheap pink saucer crosslegged and nudged myself forward until gravity took over. Everything was great, until I spun around 180 degrees, suddenly watching the top of the hill grow further and further away at an alarming rate. "I'm fine," I thought. "It's just snow." And I was fine, until I hit a drainage grate.

Something you should keep in mind if you go sledding here: there are at least two grates at the bottom of the hill, presumably to prevent flooding. They are indented in the ground slightly, providing a large ditch in which to catch unwitting sledders. I hit the grate and flew forward a few feet, mildly concerned as to the lack of a sled under my ass. Needless to say, I executed a landing that would make Johnny Knoxville blush.

At the bottom of the main incline, there are a few more minor hills that I would only recommend for advanced sledders. One goes over a snow-covered access road - take care to stay on the sled as there are loose rocks underneath the seemingly soft snow. I speak from experience. On another hill, I barreled face first into a torn-apart box someone had left on the premises. After escaping my cardboard prison, I found myself wishing that there were other "obstacles" available; perhaps a fruit stand or two guys carrying a sheet of glass across my path would have been nice.

The main incline is safe for all ages (with parental supervision, of course), but I caution inexperienced sledders to be wary of the lower hills. While they may look simple and straightforward, I assure you that better men than you have fallen prey to the knavery of these grassy knolls. 7/10.

Durand Eastman Park

Over on Kings Highway and Lakeside Boulevard in Irondequoit, there's a little place called Durand Eastman Park. I had never gone sledding at Durand Eastman, but it was recommended to me by a friend. Unfortunately, I found this to be one of the least enjoyable experiences of my quest.

Sledding at Durand Eastman is technically illegal, but I wouldn't worry too much about that as this hill isn't really worth your time. There are two rolling hills to choose from, but the inclines on them are so steep that they obscure your visibility as you sit at the top. Traffic control is a major problem, as the hill was quite crowded when I went. I narrowly avoided colliding with a 5-year-old, as I couldn't see him when I shoved off. In what would appear to be some sort of karma, the next time I went down the hill, I bailed, tumbling head over foot and landing face first in the snow. I guess that's what I get for creating tragic memories for children.

There's another hill off to the left (looking down from the main hill) that was covered in leaves when I went, and largely obscured by trees on both sides - I wouldn't recommend it. It's quite steep and treacherous, and no one at the main hill can see you until you come speeding out at the bottom, crossing the paths of every other sledder. If you are really a glutton for punishment, park your car near the golf course and get ready to grumble. 3/10.

Highland Park

Back in the city is the Highland Bowl amphitheater, which features a lovely valley that creates two sleddable hills on either side of the massive, beautiful stage that towers over the area. You can park your car at Robinson and South, and you're just a few yards away from a quick and easy hill, about 50 feet from top to bottom. This is a great low-difficulty hill to bring your kids to - in fact, I believe I was the oldest non-parent at the park that day.

Immediately after you reach the bottom of the first hill, you're at the bottom of the second, and it's just a quick walk to the other end of the valley before you're at a slightly longer sled trail. This one is a bit slower, but is about three times as long from top to bottom. As I made my way down the hill, I was reminded of the Lazy River ride at Seabreeze - there really is a lot of beauty in Highland Park, and it's easy to get caught up in the fresh air and impressive visuals around you.

While these hills were a little slow for my tastes, they're perfect for families with small children, or for anyone who wants a simple and low-stress sledding experience. I only wish there was a little more variety present. 6/10.

Black Creek

Out at 3835 Union Street in North Chili lies Black Creek. This one's pretty out there if you live in the city, but it's definitely worth the drive. There's only one hill that I saw, but I'll be damned if it isn't a good one. The hill is near the Woodside Lodge, and there were about 40 other sledders when I arrived.

The hill is pretty high, but not very steep. The snow was packed down from other sledders, which provided a good amount of speed. Watch out for makeshift ramps on the way down - it's easy to be caught off guard and find yourself at a higher altitude than you expected. The hill leans a little to the left (as you're looking down it), and there was some ice at the bottom that my butt did not like at all when I scraped over it.

One of the best features of this hill is a tattered orange fence on one side of the hill that creates a wide "safe path" to climb up. It was really a sigh of relief to find a hill where I wasn't constantly paranoid that some sugar-high kid was going to take me out at any moment. I did, however, notice an unsettling number of empty Keystone cans scattered around the top of the hill. It wasn't so disturbing that there were beer cans present - I naturally assume that every sledder I come in contact with over the age of 19 is probably intoxicated -I just think that these drinkers could have spent the extra couple bucks to buy a quality lager. But I digress. If you're up to the drive, this hill is certainly worth your time. 7/10.

Powdermill Park

I wanted to like this hill, I really did. The hill near the Oak Tree Lodge at 154 Park Road in Pittsford tries so hard to please sledders, but it ends up being a hellhole. And I really mean that, literally. I am convinced that the sledding hill at Powdermill Park is the mouth of Hell, and Satan himself built it out of used heroin needles and dead puppies (disclaimer: I found neither of these at Powdermill Park).

But enough about Satan's architecture; let's talk about the sledding. When I went, the walk up was incredibly marshy and covered in leaves. You'll know when you get to the top - there's a big brown fence that prevents you from going any further, so throw variety out the window. The hill is pretty fast and bumpy, and remember that marshy bottom you trudged through? When you hit it on a sled, it creates a massive wake that inevitably splashes directly into your face (and mouth, if you are stupid like me and sled with your mouth open).

The best part about this hill is that it has a nice parking lot that is easy to drive out of. Oh yeah, and this hill also has a sign posted that "prohibits" sledding, but I think it's more of a, "This is not worth your time, this is just the land that God forgot" sign. 2/10.

Ellison Park

Maybe you're sick of being a "rebel" and sledding on "illegal" hills. If that's the case (you conformist sheep), Ellison Park is just for you. At Blossom Road and North Landing near Forth Schuyler, there's a "Designated Sledding Area" that's right up your alley. One enormous hill waits for you. Provided you sled in the middle of the hill, there isn't a single tree that poses a threat to you.

However, I'm not known for doing smart things. I started off on the left side of this "Designated Sledding Area," not taking into account that the hill leans left. There's a big orange mesh fence going down the left side of the hill, separating it from the "Prohibited Sledding Area." Guess who went tumbling into the net on the way down, becoming entangled, slamming his head on a fencepost? Me. This guy. I'm the one who did that.

If you've got young kids, this might be a great hill to bring them to in order to get them ready for more advanced hills. I also saw a good deal of snowboarders there. Give this hill a shot if you're willing to take a risk - but stay away from anything orange. 5/10.

Mendon Ponds

When I was just a small boy, my parents took me sledding at Mendon Ponds (There's an entrance on Clover Road - look for the Stewart Lodge). Everything was wonderful, I was having a great time. Until my father shot me down the hill, and I went headlong into a bush. A sharp branch severed my left eyelid, leaving it dangling as tears streamed down my sobbing face. Needless to say, I had some surgery and I was fine, but this event was heavy in my mind as I made my way back to where it all started.

My concern, as it turned out, was needless. Mendon Ponds is a sledding Mecca. There are at least seven hills for you to choose from - a valley creates three main hills, two of which roll at the top, creating an additional two more. Each one is a wonder. There are fast hills, slow hills, easy hills, advanced hills, hills that have ice at the bottom, hills that run into another hill so you end up going down two hills at once. It's jawdropping.

Traffic control was a bit of a problem, as the area was quite crowded, but I didn't see or experience any collisions. Really, go here. You'll love it. Just watch out for bushes. 9/10.

Polarwave

OK, maybe you're just not a traditionalist when it comes to sledding. You hate everything about it except the thrill of going down a hill. Climbing up from the bottom is lame, you hate physical exertion, you're essentially the Grinch without a green complexion. Fine. Go to Polarwave. On Harloff Road in Batavia lies the corporate side of sledding. The folks at Polarwave make their own snow, they rent out tubes, and they have a tow to drag you and your tube back up the hill.

Now, a purist like myself would never dream of being seen here, but I put it on the list for posterity, and I want you to know that I don't hold anything against you if you go. A two-hour pass runs $13 for everyone more than 42" tall ($9 for under), and a three-hour pass is an extra $2. Maybe I'm just cheap. Maybe you'll have a great time there. But I prefer to have my sledding experience a little more natural.