For every person that resents the restrictive nature of rules, another might take comfort in the order they can instill into dicey times, especially any situation that pits you against someone hoping to relieve you of your yummy guts. Jesse Eisenberg's Columbus, our charmingly nerdy companion through giddy, gory "Zombieland," has a numbered litany of guidelines that have so far enabled him to stay a step ahead of the undead hordes currently feasting upon America, so it is in his honor that I've culled from my own code of fundamentals for crafting an enjoyable film to illustrate why a trip to "Zombieland" would be worth your while. And no, a list of rules isn't terribly sexy, but you can't argue with results.

Rule No. 8: A hero should never be too heroic. It's much easier to relate to a character who struggles with a natural human weakness, such as a fear of being chomped alive. Columbus is more Everywuss than ass-kicking zombie killer, but, as Columbus explains in voiceover - with the help of inventive onscreen graphics - rules like "the Double Tap" (make sure your zombie is completely dead) and the self-explanatory "Beware of bathrooms" are only two of the reasons that this college student is still intact and headed to Ohio to find his parents. He even acknowledges that his virginity is "totally justifiable to speculate about." (It totally exists.)

Rule No. 13: Cast Woody Harrelson whenever possible. Sure, he has an Academy Award nomination, but Harrelson is still one of the most underrated actors around, as skilled at drama as he is comedy. The Twinkie-loving Tallahassee (the characters are named after their destinations) finds Harrelson in gleefully anarchic "Natural Born Killers" mode, albeit with a chicken-fried soft spot for those in need. Tallahassee and Columbus meet-cute in a Mexican-standoff, and as they make their way across the country, a pair of grifting sisters (Emma Stone from "Superbad" and Little Miss Oscar Nominee herself, Abigail Breslin) in tow, their differing temperaments provide "Zombieland" with much of its witty dialogue.

Rule No. 17: Honor your predecessors, then kick them in the throat. Zombie flicks have a long and storied tradition, dating back to the 1930's. Of course George Romero's "...of the Dead" films are the archetype, but "Zombieland" has more in common with the 2004 paradomage (parody + homage) "Shaun of the Dead" than the graver zombie allegories, respecting the genre but happy to tweak it. (These undead are speedier than last year's models.) "Zombieland" actually incorporates other breeds of film, like the road movie, the mismatched-buddy comedy, and the fumbling romance, still clocking in at a lean, tightly paced 81 minutes.

Rule No. 22: Don't make things too scary. Or too sciencey. Truthfully, this rule may just apply to me. Terrifying suspense plus gratuitous gore do not make for a pleasant moviegoing experience. A few chills are fun, as is Grand Guignol crimson spatter, and "Zombieland" strikes a harmonic balance between the two to allow for some laid-back appreciation of the deadpan humor. And don't try to flummox me with wordy mumbo-jumbo about the origin of the zombie mutation. Since I probably won't catch it myself, I really don't care.

Rule No. 47: Embrace popular culture. You know what's cool? Recognizing the opening thuds of Metallica's "For Whom the Bell Tolls" over the brutal (and brutally funny) opening credits of "Zombieland." Letting the audience feel like they're in on it goes a long way and makes first-time director Ruben Fleischer's job easier; nod knowingly at a Don Quixote reference, revel in some vintage Van Halen, dig that cheap shot at Russell Crowe, then giggle at the paradox of a zombie-hunting 12-year-old patiently explaining the subtleties of Hannah Montana. So if you've ever wondered whether people existing in movies have seen other movies, "Zombieland" provides that answer. Which reminds me...

Rule No. 52: Superstar cameo? Check. Oh, you can look it up if you're comfortable with sucking. Suffice it to say that an A-lister pops up in a supremely hilarious turn as himself, delivering his best performance in quite a few years, complete with prolonged death rattle. And p.s., wait out the closing credits.

Rule No. 76: Big finish! The denouement of "Zombieland" goes down in an amusement park, the ideal location for loud, colorful mayhem. And it's a perfect place for Columbus to learn that while certain rules are necessary, a seemingly sensible one like "Don't be a hero" was made to be broken.

Zombieland

(R), directed by Ruben Fleischer

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