You should know that "Debbie Does Dallas" the musical - based on the legendary 1978 porn film of the same name - contains no nudity, and the sex is so ridiculously simulated that it's played for laughs instead of laps. Seriously, you can find racier scenes on daytime soap operas. That fact may appease some pearl-clutching theater fans, even as it disappoints others. But you should also know that "Debbie Does Dallas" is probably the dumbest theater show I've ever seen, and I mean that as a compliment. The show is not meant to make audiences think, merely to entertain with over-the-top performances, some song-and-dance numbers, and plenty of tongue-in-cheek (and other body parts) humor. And in that regard, it certainly puts out.

"Debbie" tells the story of high-school cheer captain Debbie Benton (Christy Balonek), a chipper young virgin who has just discovered that her dream has come true: she has been invited to join the Texas Cowgirls cheerleading squad. But Debbie has a problem. She has to pay her own way to Dallas, and her parents disapprove of cheerleading as a profession and a lifestyle. Enter her friends and fellow cheerleaders, who vow to help Debbie raise the money she needs by taking on a variety of odd jobs around town. But with only two weeks before Cowgirls orientation, the girls discover that minimum wage isn't cutting it. That's when Debbie makes a startling realization: horny men are willing to pay a lot more than minimum wage for certain back-room activities. The girls start performing all kinds of jobs all over town, but only on their terms, and the money starts rolling in.

From all accounts the musical follows the original movie's plot fairly closely (I swear I've never seen it), just inserting song and dance numbers into the mix and cutting out the, um, insertions. And for the most part it works, the show constantly nudging and winking at its audience, and the audience smirking right back. There is no subtlety in "Debbie Does Dallas," and it doesn't have any Big Message - it would be almost offensive if a show with this pedigree attempted to moralize. It's purely intended for giddy surface-level entertainment, save for one funny metatextual exchange toward the end.

Balonek leads a talented group of actresses, each of them offering up scene-stealing performances in one sequence or another. Balonek radiates that manic mix of perkiness, eagerness, and dimness that defines all great cinematic cheerleaders - in other words, she acts like she's possessed, or perhaps on speed - and she shifts hilariously into intentional melodrama whenever Debbie is confronted by one of her many crises of conscience. While her singing isn't as strong as some of her costars, Balonek attacks the dramatic highpoint "Dallas...I'm Coming!" with aplomb.

Janine Mercandetti really impresses as Lisa, the cheerleading Salieri to Debbie's Mozart, cackling maniacally as she sets about stealing Debbie's man and possibly even her dreams. She rips into her big, bluesy number "God Must Love a Fool," and lacks even a hint of self-consciousness in her performance. Mary Tiballi's Roberta features some great physical comedy - she's just as funny silent as when she's squeaking out her lines - and she's hilarious as the focal character in what must be the filthiest song ever written about candles. Jessi St. George as Donna comes alive after discovering the power of the naughty librarian in a scene that smartly reverses the gender roles from the original source material, while Mindy Hassett makes the most of the least-developed of the female characters, Tammy, with her go-for-broke dunce comedy.

As for the male cast, J. Simmons seems to be having the time of his life as the captain of the football team. His cranked-to-11 facial reactions are priceless, and he sounds fantastic in his big number, "I Wanna Do Debbie." Dan Howell reveals a similarly great voice in his the aforementioned naughty-candle song, "The Dildo Rag," and disappears fully into his other, smaller roles. Only Dustin Pahman seemed slightly uncomfortable in parts of the show on opening night. It's true that most of his characters are shy, but he still seemed to be holding back in several of his scenes.

Big credit to choreographer Meggins Kelly, who put together a tap routine, a contemporary number featuring inflatable bananas, and a full-on hoedown, among other dance pieces. And music director Mark Alan DeWaters nabs a couple solid laughs of his own in the role of the Narrator, who intermittently breaks the fourth wall to underscore the ridiculousness of the proceedings.

Note that the cast is taking the show to heart by holding a car-wash promotion on Saturday, August 7, 10 a.m.-noon, where a $5 wash by the Teen Services crew will get you a coupon for discounted show tickets. Senor Bradley can attest to the girls' hard-scrubbing skills.

"Debbie Does Dallas"

Through August 21

Blackfriars Theatre, 795 E Main St.

$20 | 454-1260, blackfriars.org