So with this financial crisis stemming from American banks' moral bankruptcy, it chaps my ass to see these assholes try and attach themselves to institutions we all pile into to forget the fact we're all broke. What about the war heroes, pioneers, and legends? But since this seems to be the trend, I thought other national companies -- those that haven't raped us financially (yet) -- could get in on the game. Their names and products mirror my mood.

-Who wouldn't want to see a concert at Tampax Gardens or Midol Arena?

- How about a nice chamber recital at Preperation H Hall or a play at The Trojan Theatre?

- And let's not forget about sports: Summer's Eve Field could host the annual college football Douche Bowl.

- Maybe NASCAR would be down with The Immodium 500.

- And wouldn't the Monistat Memorial Auditorium be perfect for "The Vagina Monogues?

Gosh, I feel better already