Her emerald green velvet seduction was hard to resist. She had a powerful hold on me as I just lay there, trying to get out from under her spell, to go out and dig the Dungeon Rats and Velvet Elvis over at Monty's Krown. "Fuck those clowns," she said. "Stay here with me. C'mon ‘Law & Order' is on. Besides, you're getting sleepy, sleepy, sleepy..."

Me and my couch have this argument a lot. And yes, all the furniture in my house talks -- except for the dining room table. It just whistles.

Anyhow, I won out and headed to The Krown, where the joint was jumpin.' Monty's Krown always looks slammed because of the huge crowd it always has smoking in its make-shift flavor country out front. Inside Velvet Elvis -- featuring some former members of the UV Rays and Apostles of the Hidden Son --- played an exceptionally loose and loud set. The PA made the vocals sound like the ghost of Eddie Cantor through a Gramophone. The guitars weren't entirely together and dueled back and forth atop the cacophony. The band reminded me of an old recording I used to have of The Dead Boys doing "Sonic Reducer" live, where the band almost wipes out but somehow rallies before capsizing. It's bands like Velvet Elvis that I wanna see when I wanna see punk rock.

The Dungeon Rats followed with more ex-UV Rays, a Grimetimer, and a Grinder (who incidentally almost ran me over on his postal route two days ago). The band was very tight; Faces meets Mopar. I don't know how serious the band is, as a lot of bands around town get thrown together for fun and an excuse to drink. But The Gutter Rats have potential, baby. Raw, irreverent fun. And my couch was there when I got back, though the bitch wouldn't talk to me.