It's not your fault. And you're not alone.

Those are the messages that Marjorie Lefler says the families of children with several emotional, mental health, or behavioral challenges need to hear. Lefler is coordinator of human services systems for the Rochester school district.

The district is joining with the county's mental health office and the Mental Health Association on the Better Days Ahead program, which provides support and advocacy for families with troubled children.

The program has created a handful of family roundtables throughout Monroe County. The newest, in the city's Southwest quadrant, began meeting last week at the Wilson Foundation Academy, 200 Genesee Street.

The roundtables meet monthly, and at each session there are opportunities for parents and agencies to exchange information. For example, representatives of mental-health agencies or the school district can provide parents with resources and information. And parents can give feedback on existing programs and make suggestions for improvement.

"There are so many places that do to and for our families, and don't really work with our families and empower our families," says Melanie Funchess, director of community engagement for the Mental Health Association. "We want families to be better educated going in so they can get the services their children need."

The roundtables also encourage parents to help and support each other.

"It's really led by parents," Lefler says. "That's the way the county designed it, and it just works so well. You know your kid better than anybody else. You're the real expert on your kid."

The school district is working with social workers, school psychologists, and teachers, Lefler says, to identify the families with children in elementary school who might benefit from the Southwest roundtable. Flyers will go home with those children, she says, inviting the families to attend the group.

"Due to the overwhelming expressed need in the elementary schools, we chose to start our targeted outreach there," Lefler says. "However, no parent will ever be turned away."

The groups usually take a while to get established, Funchess says, because of trust issues and because of the stigma attached to mental health and behavioral challenges.

"When you have a child in a wheelchair, for example, you can see that disability," she says. "It's very evident. It evokes sympathy. When you have a child with an emotional-behavioral challenge, a mental-health challenge, what our parents get is, ‘You should've disciplined them more. You've done this to your child.'"

Once the Southwest family roundtable gets going, Lefler says, a roundtable will be created for the city's Northeast quadrant.

A light family meal is provided at each meeting, and transportation is available. Trained intervention specialists are on hand to care for any children who attend.

Advance notice is required before attending a meeting; information's available at 325-3145, Ext. 131.