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June 12, 2008 at 10:30am

THURSDAY BLOG: Behavior is key to relationships

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By this time next week, California will begin marrying same-sex couples. Here in New York, some same-sex marriages are legal. And some are not.

In both states, there are plenty of groups protesting same-sex marriage, and legal battles are making their way through the courts.

But one thing is becoming clear: behavior is more important than gender in creating satisfying, long-term relationships.

After Vermont legalized same-sex civil unions in 2000, researchers surveyed nearly 1,000 couples, including same-sex couples, writes Tara Parker-Pope of the New York Times. They were trying to find out what causes relationships to dissolve.

And the results were pretty interesting.

Straight couples were more likely to stay angry after a fight. Gay and lesbian couples seemed to have a better ability to use humor to defuse negative interactions.

Same-sex couples are more likely to share tasks and responsibilities. Housekeeping doesn't typically fall to one person and financial matters don't typically fall to the other, as they often do with heterosexual couples, the survey showed.

And heterosexual women apparently live with a lot of anger about this because it implies that one gender is more important than the other in the relationship.

When it comes to which type of relationship lasts longer, the verdict is still out.

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