Sunday, August 24, 2014

“True Blood” Series Finale: “Thank You”

Posted By on Sun, Aug 24, 2014 at 11:53 PM

I think we can all agree that this one falls under the “Whimper” category, not “Bang,” right?

I have actually been digging the laid-back, ongoing-wake feeling of the second half of this last season. I thought it was bold in its own way, and I enjoyed much of the character work it entailed. But I suppose I was expecting something more from the series finale -- something shocking, some water-cooler moment, like this show used to serve up on a weekly basis. But instead we got a very slow episode with only one true sequence of note. It all felt very much like “settling” to me. Or, I guess if we’re talking the stages of grief, “acceptance.” Which is fitting for a show that was so defined by death. But not terribly interesting or fun to watch.

Last episode’s cliffhanger -- the Yakuza were on their way to kill Sookie because she knew about Sarah Newlin and the Hep V cure -- was handled in roughly 10 minutes. Eric did what should have been done about four episodes back: he dispatched Mr. Gus and his assassins by, you know, using the vampire powers he has had for literally 1000 years. The Yakuza were totally throwaway villains. They were never a credible threat to the vampires (which made it so infuriating when Pam kept being taken hostage by them) and they had no real power position. At least we did get to see a blood-spattered Eric Northman grooving out behind the steering wheel of a kick-ass sports car.

The larger arc for the episode was, predictably, Sookie and Bill. As promised last episode, Bill came to call on Sookie to explain his rationale for rejecting the cure. And it really did make sense. He had lived his life, and his prolonged existence was unnatural, and detrimental to the woman he loves. So, noble. Good on Vampire Bill for being a Southern gentleman right to the end. Except, problem: he didn’t just want to die. He wanted Sookie to kill him using her magic one-time fairy bomb, which would also wipe out her fairy powers, leaving her free of vampires forever.

That was a Class-A dick move on Bill’s part. Not only is it messed up to ask someone else to assist you in your suicide. But he wanted her to do so in a way that would fundamentally change her entire life and -- forgive me, this is going to sound terrible -- ruin her for all other vampires. You can argue that he was only trying to give Sookie a normal life, something she’s always wanted. But you can also make a pretty strong case that this was Bill trying to control Sookie to the bitter end, and make sure no other vampire called her "mine." All those likability points he had racked up over the course of this last season? Gone now.

And then Bill went into a likability deficit when he more or less coerced Hoyt and Jessica into a shotgun wedding (the shotgun is loaded with wooden bullets, naturally) so that he could walk a daughter down the aisle before he died. The two of them reunited the DAY BEFORE and he started talking marriage because he was about to die. You are terrible, Bill! Terrible! But Hoyt and Jessica went through it in a wedding scene that seemed to go on forever, but which elicited absolutely no emotion from me. Seriously, I’m very invested in the Hoyt/Jessica relationship. I love those characters. The whole time I was watching that wedding scene I kept thinking, 1) WHAT NO WHY NO WHAT and 2) Why was Adilyn not there? Jessica and Adilyn have a very tight bond. Minor nitpick, but that literally is what kept preoccupying me during the wedding scene of two beloved characters. And that’s not great, show.

Following the wedding, a flashback with Gran (GRAN!!!), and a consultation with Reverend Daniels (it was weird to me that he had a larger speaking role in the series finale than half of the cast that’s been with this show since the beginning -- LaFayette didn’t even get a LINE), Sookie made the decision to give in to Bill’s request and fairy-ball him in his gravesite. (That sounds like something I should try some Saturday night…) And this scene was truly the only sequence in the finale that held any real suspense for me. That was partially because I thought the drama was gripping, as Stephen Moyer and Anna Paquin -- married in real life -- must have been Going Through It while dealing with some very deep emotions. But beyond that, I didn’t know what was going to happen. I kept waiting for Eric or Jessica to show up to force the cure on Bill. I even started to wonder if they were going to give us a big twist -- that because Bill became Hep V infected with fairy blood, and Sookie was going to use her fairy bomb, that it would not only cure Bill, but make him human again. Between his increase in body temperature and Sookie’s sudden ability to hear his thoughts, I really thought they were going that way. Which would have been bold, but infuriating to a lot of viewers.

But they went an arguably even more controversial route, by having Sookie choose not to use her fairy ball -- keeping her an outsider, by choice -- and instead killing Bill the old-fashioned way, with a stake. (Bill helped her make the final stab.) That was difficult to watch, and kind of upsetting. Sookie actually killed Bill. There’s no way around that. She put a stake through his heart and then ended up covered in his blood and offal. I did not expect that, at all.

Unfortunately, the rest of the episode wrapped up predictably, with a montage that jumped in time one year, then five years (I think). A brief rundown of where the characters ended up, most of it not terribly interesting.

-Eric and Pam decided to manufacture New Blood themselves -- with Sarah’s image on the containers, and pimped in a horrible infomercial that I think included a cameo by original Sookie Stackhouse author Charlain Harris -- and became mega, filthy rich. I mean, richer. They reopened Fangtasia and returned it to its hedonistic glory days, and charged vamp patrons $100,000 for 60 seconds with Sarah herself, who was chained in the basement. And she went fully crazy. So that was kind of a bummer.

-Jason ended up married to Bridget and had babies. No surprises there.

-A grand Thanksgiving dinner showed that all of the current couples -- LaFayette/James, Arlene/Paul, Sam/Nicole, etc. -- were still together. Again, no surprises, and frankly kind of boring.

-And finally, Sookie ended up pregnant by a man we never saw. We only know that he’s brown haired and had a beard. It was an interesting choice to not tell the audience who she ended up with, and I found the end of the scene where she killed Bill weirdly shot -- she walked out of the graveyard, and it seemed to me that she was headed a different direction than home. But regardless, it looks like Sookie got her normal life without giving up her extraordinary talents. And I guess that’s a happy ending? Maybe?

I just want to remind viewers that this show used to routinely feature town-wide orgies with meat pillars, ancient vampires with jars full of the remains of their staked gay lovers, white-trash wolf goddess Miss Deborah Pelt, vampires having their heads twisted 360 during particularly rough sex, death camps, the frequently nude body of Joe Mangianello, crazy inbred were-panther she-rapists, and even Minerva the Ghost Parrot. But we ended with everyone eating a nice Thanksgiving dinner and basically being nice and boring. This was the series finale equivalent of that functionally alcoholic, wild cousin you always admired coming home wearing pleated khakis and with fiancée named Peter. Peter is an insurance adjustor, has male-pattern baldness, likes birdwatching, and just can’t get enough of “Hot in Cleveland” or the sultry sounds of Michael Buble. I understand that we all have to stop being messy sluts at some point, but…not like this, “True Blood.” Not with a tasteful community turkey dinner. I bet they even served cranberry sauce from a can. FROM A CAN!!!

“Doctor Who” Series 8, Episode 1: “Deep Breath”

Posted By on Sun, Aug 24, 2014 at 6:59 PM

After nearly a year of teasing, we finally got to meet our new Doctor, Peter Capaldi. Of course, first episodes with new Doctors are tricky. The character himself doesn’t really know he really is, so it’s difficult for audiences to get a handle on him as well. I felt that way about Tennant and Eccleston in their first outings, and slightly less so about Smith. The new Doctor -- I’m honestly not sure what number we’re supposed to refer to him as at this point -- was all over the place this episode, pinballing from confused naïf to needy old man to heartless bastard. And honestly, I didn’t mind any of that. But the episode itself had some significant issues, most of them symptomatic of showrunner and episode writer Steven Moffat’s increasingly tiresome indulgences.

The set up: the people of Victorian London were astonished to find a Tyrannosaurus Rex stomping its way up and down the Thames. The police called in reptilian Sherlock Holmes analogue Madame Vastra, who of course brought along sidekicks Jenny and Strax, and gave the Victorian cops sophisticated alien technology that nobody bat an eye at, which served to keep the dinosaur penned in the river. And then it hacked up the TARDIS, which had been stuck in is throat.

That is, more or less, the entire extent of the dinosaur plot. It was brought through to Victorian days after it tried to eat the TARDIS, which was thrashing about through time during the Doctor’s transformation. Yes, the dinosaur played into the larger plotline, but in an extremely tangential way. It was basically just Moffat saying, “Look at how cool and awesome I am! I can have a dinosaur!” Lots of pretty, flashy things that ultimately mean very little. That’s Moffat for you.

The larger plot unfolded slowly -- too slowly, I would argue -- and involved cyborgs stealing human parts to stay alive. If elements of the villains (who I don’t believe were ever named) seem familiar, that is in part intentional, as this episode indirectly ties back to an episode from Series 2…also not-so-coincidentally written by Moffat, and featuring well-regarded monsters of his own design. And it ended with an odd epilogue that introduced what I assume will be a recurring nemesis for the new Doctor, Missy, a stern, vaguely batshit woman that at first blush seems to be made from the same mold as Madame Kovarian (the eyepatch lady who worked with the Silence to kidnap Amy’s baby, who never had a pay off) or Tasha Lem, the Mother Superious of the Papal Mainframe, who also basically went nowhere. I recognize that we saw Missy for literally 2 minutes, but my sense of déjà vu was powerful.

But the episode was ultimately much less about the villain of the week and more about establishing the new Doctor, his relationship with Clara, and his relationship with the viewers (that long exchange outside the TARDIS in Scotland felt like it was delivered less for Clara and more for this show’s legion of fairly new fans, who are used to cute young Doctors). And in those respects, it was a qualified success. I’ll break down what I thought worked, what didn’t, and what has potential.

WHAT WORKED:

-Capaldi is great when the Doctor is playing mindgames or being menacing. No surprise there. The rumor is that this is going to be a much darker Doctor, but the tone of this episode was all over the place. It worked best in the moments when the Doctor was showing us his dark side. There were moments where he felt a bit like Fourth Doctor to me -- dismissive of humans, yet still protective of them. I would like to see more of that and less of the puppy-dog stuff we got toward the end of the episode. But I like the moral ambiguity of the character and hope we get more of that.

-Vastra, Jenny, and Strax are always welcome, and they held this episode together from my standpoint -- especially Vastra, one of the few female characters Moffat writes well. (Possibly because there’s no male-female sexual dynamic there, as she is a lesbian and also a reptile? Discuss.) I will say, however, that Strax’s humor is starting to fall a little flat for me. There are only so many times the “all Earth creatures look the same to me” thing will be funny. But I did enjoy him beaning Clara with that newspaper. I also wonder if Moffat used the trio as a kind of crutch here, because if it was just Clara and the new Doctor, I don’t think this episode would have worked at all in terms of audience buy-in. Which brings me to…

WHAT HAS POTENTIAL:

-Clara. Going into this episode I hated Clara. Well, not hated. I was frustrated by her because she’s such a dud of a companion. Jenna Coleman is lovely, and the acting has been passable at least. But there’s no character there. Once the mystery surrounding Clara was resolved at the end of S7, we were left with, basically, a very cute girl who was often chipper but then sometimes cries. Seriously, if you had to describe Clara’s personality, how would you do it? There’s just no “there” there. Thankfully she got some meat put on to her character bones this episode, even if it seems a bit revisionist. Clara is now apparently an egomaniac and a control freak. I don’t recall that being the case prior to this, but hey, I’ll take anything I can latch on to.

I was also glad to see her show some gumption this episode. This was the most interested I’ve been in Clara since she was Oswin in “Asylum of the Daleks.” That said, after nearly a dozen episodes with her, she’s right down there with Martha as the least interesting of the modern companions. So I’m not all that upset to hear that Coleman’s leaving at the end of the season. Because even as the Doctor was asking for her help, I found myself extremely dubious that this mature, complicated man would really want to have this -- forgive me -- basic girl zipping around time and space with him. The pairing just doesn’t make sense to me. But she did grow on me this episode.

-The new TARDIS and the new intro look pretty enough (apparently the new intro was based off of a fan-made one?), although feel a little soulless. But we spent barely any time in the TARDIS this episode, so I’ll have to see more before I decide. I do dig the Doctor’s new duds, and am fascinated by the fact that he’s not overly attached to his sonic screwdriver. I can only recall him using it once or twice this episode. Clara used it more than he did. And it’s notable that he’s never using it in any of the promo materials.

WHAT DIDN’T WORK:

-The broad humor fell flat almost every time, especially when Capaldi was supposed to be handling it. I’m sure he’s a funny guy, and god knows he can let out a stream of insults that will curdle your innards. But he’s just not the right actor for the sillier moments called for this episode. What would have worked with Tennant or Smith seemed painfully awkward here, and I hope that Moffat and the writers recognize that and stop trying to force it. Different actor, different Doctor.Time for a different approach.

-Speaking of time for a different approach…how much longer with Mr. Moffat be running this show? Listen, he’s had a good run. He has contributed many great elements to the “Who” canon and he’s written some crackling episodes with iconic moments. But his flaws as a writer (and we all have them) have become more and more evident, and he doesn’t seem to be interested in hiding them, or in progressing creatively. This episode’s plot was classic Moffat: overly complicated, silly on the face of it (a hot-air balloon…made of human flesh), a specific tension-building gimmick (“Don’t blink!” “Deep breath!”), and everything was fixed tidy-widy with a deeply felt speech and one action. There’s a word, “contrivance.” It can be both a compliment or an insult. With Mr. Moffat, I used to apply it positively. I haven’t done so in a very long time.

As I said in the beginning, first episodes for new Doctors are always a bit of a mess. The audience doesn’t yet know its lead character. The lead character doesn’t himself. The companion is terribly confused, and sometimes even feels betrayed (Clara had good reason to at various points this episode). I left the episode without a firm grasp on Capaldi’s Doctor, but eager to know more about him. What did you think?

Monday, August 18, 2014

“True Blood” Season 7, Episode 9: “Love is to Die”

Posted By on Mon, Aug 18, 2014 at 4:00 AM

The wake for "True Blood" - which is really what the second half of this season has felt like - continued with more characters making their peace and accepting their fates. It's certainly not the most exciting way to wrap up a show - there is no Big Bad, no real threat left to menace our protagonists (except the Yakuza, but...come on). But I'm actually grateful that we get to see these characters prepare for the great TV graveyard in the sky. Most series finales give us maybe a 10-minute epilogue that shows us what happens to characters we've spent years watching. This show has given us half a season of people basically getting their affairs in order. That sense of finality is appropriate for a show that is, when you get down to it, largely about life and death. And that was underlined in the penultimate episode.

First, some housecleaning: Sam is gone. As in, totally packed up his trailer, resigned from his position as mayor, moving to Chicago to be with that supremely annoying woman and what I hope will be a litter of mogs (half man, half dog) in her uterus. We discover his abandonment of the town when Sookie and Jessica showed up at his trailer - for no reason whatsoever! - to find letters left for Sook and Andy Bellefleur. Sam laid out his reasoning, but it would resonate a whole lot stronger if he wasn't ditching a place he'd committed to leading for a person he knocked up within hours of meeting. The relationship between Sam and Nicole has been so poorly executed - in part because it happened so quickly, in part because Nicole is generally insufferable - that it has, in turn, made Sam radioactive for me. He was always a drip, but at this point, I'm glad he's gone. This show did that character very few favors. And Rob Ford is glad that at least in some fictitious universe, there is actually a mayor less competent than him. The upshot to the abrupt Sam defection: the TV show is definitely not going to end the same way the books did!

The bulk of the episode dealt with two love triangles: Sookie/Bill/Eric and Jessica/Hoyt/Jason (and all of the tertiary characters sucked into their drama vortices). Although it is arguably the more important one, I'll tackle the Sookie one first. Last episode ended with a cliffhanger, with Vampire Bill refusing to drink Sarah Newlin's blood, thus curing him of Hep V. Bill clumsily attempted to justify what is basically his elective suicide. Nobody in the room agreed with him (except for probably Sarah...), and in fact some responded by delivering multiple hard slaps to the face. Later, in a somewhat odd scene that I rather liked, Bill explained his reasoning to Eric: he's doing this for Sookie. As he has stated multiple times over the course of the series, he brings her nothing but darkness and death. Just as vampires are attracted to fairies for their light, fey are attracted to vamps for their dark. That may be the corniest analogy for the allure of a bad boy I've ever read, but damned if isn't pretty accurate. Bill knows that if he lives on, Sookie will never be free of him. And while it's never said explicitly, I got the strong impression that Bill was warning Eric off of her as well (this episode definitely was playing up the Eric/Sookie romance). So by accepting the True Death, Bill believes he is, in some way, VERY late in the game, being chivalrous.

Even though it's infuriating, this turn of events actually makes logical sense. Bill never wanted to be a vampire. He's been self-loathing ever since we met him. He did embrace his situation in the seasons where he was vampire king of Louisiana and (*shudder*) Billith. But in general, he has always resented what he was turned into. This current trajectory for Bill feels very full circle to me.

The Jessica plot is less instrumental to the show's endgame (I'm guessing), but had all The Feels. After Bill refused the cure, Jessica demanded that he release her from her maker bonds; he did so, and it was very sad. At first I worried that Jess was going to do something apocalyptically stupid - kill Sarah Newlin, attack the Yakuza, force Bill to drink the cure, go public with its existence - but instead she just went to Hoyt's house, where she interrupted another fight between Hoyt and his girlfriend, Bridget. This was a fairly selfish move on Jess's part, but at least she admitted it herself. After she started telling Hoyt about their shared past, which she glamored out of his memory, Bridget lost her shit, Jason came over, Hoyt punched Jason the eff out, and Jessica and Hoyt had several really lovely reunion scenes that essentially boiled down Jessica's whole existence on this show, and reminded us of how much she changed. And then, they totally did it. While the Bill and Sookie sex scene from two episodes back was hard to watch because it was just so...grim, this one was hard to watch because it seemed like something that should have really been private.

I was worried when the show brought Hoyt back, thinking that nothing good could possibly come of it for him, Jess, or Jason. But I was wrong. Unless something absolutely horrible happens next episode (TOTALLY POSSIBLE), it looks like Hoyt and Jess will get a happy ending. And that's so cute.

Meanwhile, Jason and Bridget predictably got together, but not TOGETHER together. The shared a few charming scenes, and Bridget determined that she was going to teach Jason how to be friends with a girl and not sleep with her. Which may be exactly what Jason Stackhouse needs. (It was actually a great Jason episode too, more or less distilling all of his best qualities. Minus the gratuitous nudity. Which was missed.)

Finally, in between playing Sookie's errand boy, Eric found time to finally have sex with Ginger. Kind of. In a spectacularly silly yet hilariously perfect scene, Ginger got to have her way with Mr. Northman, exactly as she had always imagined it. Readers, I'll need you to give me your interpretation of that scene, but I'm not sure Eric even, um, unsheathed, before Ginger went into a full-body climax and a beffudled Eric left her crumpled, blissed out, and snoring on the floor. Oh, Ginger. My hope is that, with Sam gone, she will be elected the new Mayor of Bon Temps. She cannot possibly be worse than her predecessor. And the mayoral fashions would be STUNNING!

Pam dyed Sarah Newlin's hair in preparation of selling her around to the highest Hep V-infected bidders, gave her some sage advice ("You were born a hooker, and you're going to die a hooker")...and then was promptly captured by the Yakuza. Again. This is at least the third time this season that Pam has been taken prisoner by the Yakuza. Humans. Just regular humans, with guns and swords. I've got a problem with that. Pam's characterization on this show has been problematic for a few seasons now, but based on the way they've treated her lately, she's either stupid or weak. I don't think either thing is true of Pamela de Beaufort. She has been turned into Bargaining Chip Against Eric more times than I care to count, and it's lazy, lazy writing. I think the show is better than that, and the character and actress SURE as hell are better than that. We ended the episode with her chained to a table by the Yakuza, a giant stake over her heart, as Mr. Gus grilled Eric about whether or not Sookie knew about Sarah/the cure. After Eric admitted that she did, Mr. Gus asked for her address, just as Vampire Bill came a-callin' at the Stackhouse Manse of Murder. So in the season finale, death is literally coming knocking on Sookie's door. Subtlety: this show is not interested in it, which is true to its nature. I wonder how many more people will die in that kitchen.

Next: IT ALL ENDS!

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Sunday, August 10, 2014

“True Blood” Season 7, Episode 8: “Almost Home”

Posted By on Sun, Aug 10, 2014 at 11:13 PM

In this episode, Bill Compton cemented his place as the biggest idiot on this show. And that’s really saying something, given the terrible decision making all around, especially from the Stackhouse clan. But Vampire Bill is really the absolute dumbest.

Before we get into that, I realized about halfway through this episode that something wonderful has happened this season: I actually care about these characters again. I truly had had just about enough of all of them at the beginning of this season, with the exception of Jessica, who is never not great. But the emotional scene between Lettie Mae and Tara, the quiet conversation between Bill and Sookie, and the legitimate peril for Jason, Jessica, and Adilyn (I remain ambivalent about Wade) made me realize that I actually am invested in what happens to these characters.

And that really is where Season 7 is a success to me -- so far, at least. The mega plotline about the Hep V vamps and now the Yakuza and the Sarah Newlin cure -- it’s fine. Not exactly riveting, except for seeing how the main cast members infected by the disease will get out of their impending doom. But there has been some strong character work this season that reminded me why I liked this show to begin with. (Well, the characters and the campiness, and also all of the sex and nudity. Which has been in short supply lately, so please fix that, show.)

All that said, these people are still incredibly stupid.

First, we wrapped up the Lettie Mae/Lafayette/Tara/Reverend plot by having Lettie and Lala trip on James’s vampire blood while at Tara and Lettie’s old house. And this time, the Reverend joined them and realized that maybe his wife isn’t totally nuts. (Kidding; she is absolutely cuckoo.) They all had a shared vision of Tara, who kind of brought them back in time to her 5th birthday party, which was interrupted by Tara’s drunk, rageaholic asshole dad. The V trippers watched as Tara’s father assaulted Lettie Mae in the past, and child Tara took the man’s gun and aimed at him -- but did not pull the trigger. She then buried the gun in the backyard, which is what V apparition Tara was trying to show them in the present. This was a very roundabout way for Ghost Tara to essentially give Lettie Mae a Care Bear Stare: Lettiehas to forgive herself for letting Tara down, because Tara let HER down by not killing that bastard when she had the chance. (That is some deeply messed-up logic, by the way. “It’s OK that you became an abusive drunk, because I should have shot Dad years earlier.” GRIM.) But Ghost Tara gave Lettie the gift of closure, and that was really lovely. And I’m glad Tara got a proper send-off on this show, considering how integral she was to the earlier seasons. But that seemed like an awfully convoluted way to get to that resolution when your nephew is a guy who can channel spirits. (Also, the best part of this to me was the family currently living in the home, horrified as these vampire-blood junkies just dug up their yard and stomped through their house. Can you imagine?)

The Teen Sex Idiots in Peril plotline was resolved after Violet sent pictures of Adilyn, Wade, and Jessica in bondage (not, like, sexy bondage; actual bondage) to Jason, prompting him to head to Violet’s mansion. Coming along for the ride was Hoyt’s random blonde girlfriend, Bridget, who had a big blow-up with Hoyt over children, which amounted to basically nothing. Violet quickly dispatched Jason and was about to begin some truly twisted Spanish Inquisition-style torture before Hoyt barged in and shot her dead. From where did Hoyt come? Did he tail Jason the whole way? Violet is hundreds of years old and was taken unaware by a dude with a gun? One shot was all it took? Weak sauce, show. There was some nice symmetry in that Hoyt killed the woman who killed his mother, even if he’s completely unaware of that fact. But, like so many of this show’s Big Bads, it was quite anticlimactic. Also, thanks for waiting until her last two episodes to make me like Violet. A raving madwoman with massive insecurities and a sweet sex dungeon is a character I should not have to force myself to like. She could have been the second coming of my beloved elegant wereblossom, Debbie Pelt.

The out-of-left-field rescue threw Hoyt and Jessica together for several heart-tugging exchanges. It all reminded of me of how much I liked that character in the beginning, and how adorable he and Jessica were together. (And also, I forgot what a hot piece Hoyt is. Especially now that he’s got a bit of Alaskan oil-man swagger. Am I right, ladies?) I can’t see how any of that is going to end well, but I so loved seeing them together again.

But then, I also didn’t hate Sookie and Bill together this episode. I only hated them separately. After Eric was healed by doing a shot of Sarah Newlin, he randomly flew to Sookie to tell her he was OK. (Again, this seemed very weird to me -- especially since she was at Bill’s house at the time.) Dumbass Sookie then drove to Fangtasia to get the secret of the cure from Eric and had to deal with the Yakuza, who were…unpleasant. (Except for the beefy tattoed ones; they were fine.) There was a whole fake-glamouring scene that tipped off the head of the Japanese contingent that something was up, but I didn’t understand why Sookie didn’t use any of her mind-reading abilities or other tricks during this sequence. Ultimately she found out about Sarah -- who is really, truly crackers, referring to herself as a new messiah -- went back and got Bill, and they all waited around for him to be cured. And then Bill said no. He didn’t want to drink.

So, there you go. Vampire Bill had a cure right in front of him and he willingly passed it up. Going into that scene I figured one of three things would happen. He would either get JUST to the point of drinking Sarah and die in a bloody pile of veins and irony, he would go nuts and kill Sarah instead, or he would decide not to do it. The last one makes sense given Bill’s irritating self-loathing and his acceptance that he brings only darkness into Sookie’s world. (This was subtly -- excuse me, “subtly” -- driven home by Bill’s dream in which he and Sookie had a shadow baby. So, confirmed crossover: Sookie is Melisandre from “Game of Thrones” and the shadow baby that killed Gay Renly was her kid with Bill. You’re clever, HBO!)

And nobody thought of Willa whatsoever.

Monday, August 4, 2014

“True Blood” Season 7, Episode 7: “This May Be the Last Time”

Posted By on Mon, Aug 4, 2014 at 7:45 AM

This fairly low-key episode was notable primarily for the next few stops on the Long-Gone Character Cameo Train. This time around we got more Hoyt, psychic torment courtesy of Steve Newlin (and a cameo by the decapitated former governor of Louisiana), fairy granddad Niall, and best of all, the long-forgotten Dr. Ludwig, who I don’t think we’ve seen since Season 2. Between then and now Dr. Ludwig has divested even more of her shits, and now she has absolutely none to give you. Onward!

The major tension from the episode came from three arcs: Eric and Pam tracking Sarah Newlin, Vampire Bill staving off death, and Violet toying with kidnapped sex idiots Adilyn and Wade. We’ll cover the last one first, since it’s the least important. Violet did not kill the teen lovebirds right away, instead taking them to a palatial mansion that she apparently owns -- the creepy portrait on the wall suggested as much. This house, which I’m guessing is not in Bon Temps, was dripped in finery and came complete with a well-stocked sex dungeon. (Sidebar: If Violet had this kickass pad somewhere nearby, why was she willingly living in Jason Stackhouse’s den of iniquity? If you are regularly screwing Jason Stackhouse and you have access to a tricked-out bone palace, you take Jason Stackhouse to the sex dungeon! This is common sense! As a viewer, I feel robbed of the opportunity to see Jason investigating that toy chest. Violet is truly the worst.) Anyway, at first Violet was a consummate host. After Adilyn and Wade realized that neither one of them was interested in Violet’s kinky wares, they had what was almost certainly terrible, awkward step-sibling intercourse. And then Violet woke up, entered in truly unfortunate negligee, and threw Wade around like a ragdoll before turning her attention and fangs on Adilyn. And that’s why you don’t follow some crazy-ass vampiress to a second location, kids.

Andy and Holly spent the episode aimlessly searching for the missing teens, randomly ending up at Holly’s ex’s lake house. There Andy had a good cry and Holly was really pretty awesome. She assured Andy that their story would have a good ending. I’m not sure about all that.

The highlight of the episode was, weirdly, Arlene. I felt like this episode was a lovely thank-you to Carrie Preston, who has been with the show since the beginning and sometimes stuck in some thankless storylines. As much as I loved cholita-glamour Arlene, I am digging more maturely dressed Arlene. More than that, she had a great scene with Sam in which she more or less told him he’d be wrong to ditch Bon Temps at Nicole’s request. And then she had a few scenes with her vampire paramour, Keith (I think), who would be a lot more attractive if he didn’t dress like the lamest member of a biker gang based out of Peoria, Illinois. Seriously, that wallet chain. You are 500-something years old. KNOW BETTER. The first scene was a V-induced dream, in which Arlene fantasized about hitting it with a vampire and also did not-right things on the bar’s pool table. The second scene was actually quite sweet, and very well acted by Preston. Someone needs to hire her after this show is over.

We got one brief scene with LaFayette and Lettie Mae digging holes in the backyard of Lettie Mae’s old house, so that storyline is still a thing.

Jason spent the episode shirtless, teasing Sarah Newlin with death via her mental breakdown (also sometimes shirtless), and quietly dying inside while trying to comfort Hoyt over his mother’s death. That was partially because his former best friend doesn’t remember Jason at all due to Jessica’s glamour, and partly because Jason couldn’t stop lusting over Hoyt’s very attractive new girlfriend. That is going to end in tragedy, and I’m actually kind of disappointed by that since Hoyt was the one character who had a really nice endpoint to his story. He got out, but they had to drag him back in.

Vampire Bill continued to have his very boring flashbacks to meeting his original wife. I hope those are building up to some big revelation, because otherwise the only worthwhile element is Bill’s luscious Civil War-era man wig. His rapid Hep V infection was more or less blamed on consuming Sookie’s fey blood, which does make for a kind of irony given the number of times Bill screwed her over. Sookie called irritable dwarf physician Dr. Ludwig, and she just walkeda round verbally slapping everyone. It was great. Eventually she ditched that situation when she discovered that Niall was Sook’s grandfather, stating she wanted no part of any of it.

Speaking of, professional Colonel Sanders impersonator Niall did appear, and I am pleased to report that RutgerHauer is now only marginally more bedraggled than he was the last time we saw him. Which, if memory serves, had him stuck in the hell dimension in which he trapped Warlo. So I have no idea how he got out of that. Sookie called Niall to help Bill, and after tricking her into making pasta (shifty fairy!), he said he’d try, even though he dislikes Bill. That was a lie too, and Niall essentially told Sookie that Bill done shit the bed. Sookie was not exactly grateful for the diagnosis. I’m hoping that’s the last we hear about Sookie’s fairy nature before the end of the series, because this show is incapable of executing anything fairy-related in a way that isn’t corny and lame.

Finally, Eric and Pam and the Yakuza interrogated Sarah’s vamp sister, until diseased Eric freaked out and staked her, snuffing out their only lead seconds after they discovered that Sarah actually has a cure to Hep V. Pam wants Eric to take it. Eric seems ambivalent about the prospect. The Japanese contingent wants to synthesize Sarah’s blood, sell it as New Blood, and use Eric Northman as their spokesvamp. Great idea;thos ads should feature as little clothing as possible. Just a tip.

Sarah ended up at the old Fellowship of the Sun compound from Season 2,where her descent into madness continued. Now, you would think that any of the people tracking this woman -- including the Japanese government, which presumably has significant technical and financial resources -- would take a moment and make a list of all the likely places Sarah might end up. Because I would put the Fellowship compound fairly high on there. And yet, there were no henchmen already waiting there, because these people are idiots who have let her escape two times already. The episode ended with Pam, Eric, and the Japanese arriving at the campus, which was not the most exciting cliffhanger.

Oh, actually, that’s not true -- the episode ended with Sookie and a Hep V-vein-covered Bill having unglamorous sex on the floor. Which was also not the most exciting cliffhanger. So there you go.

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