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I Scene It: The Coney Island Rock 'n' Roll Roadshow at Abilene Bar & Lounge 

So I needed some warming up, you see. After a dismal performance at pinball at Skylark, I was ripe and ready for some flashy T&A, trashy rock 'n' roll, and odd behavior. The choice was clear: dump the old lady off at home and high-tail it over to Abilene for The Coney Island Rock 'n' Roll Roadshow starring a fistful of fabulous freaks living life on the fringe.

Boy, did I get an education.

The Cut Throat Freak Show showed me that nostrils run deep and the nose and throat are connected. The point was made with various pieces of snot-lubed, disappearing Lego. I left before the scrotum-stapled-to-leg finale but imagine it must've been a ball. A young barefooted contessa jumped off a road case onto a pile of Legos masquerading as broken glass to the delight of the non-flinching freaks in the audience.

Local acoustic duo Jaynie Crash followed, sounding like Marty and Elaine if Marty and Elaine were psychotic drifters thumbing a ride. The duo's song, "Somebody's In My Trunk," illustrates my point perfectly. Roanoke, Virginia's Jesse Ray Carter followed and blasted the kids with a high octane set of Fat Possum-esque blues and rockabilly boogie. No Legos, no dildos (I'll explain in a bit), just a straight-up house-rockin' racket. It was like a threat thinly veiled as an invitation to dance. "You wanna dance? I thought so."

And then there were the girls: Tattooed cotton candy-haired pixie Scarlett Storm did a clever striptease with a giant book of torsos she placed her head over. Later she donned a strap-on dildo (told you) for the ring toss. Rochester peeler Miss Evie Delilah bumped and slithered to The Cramps. I think she's double jointed everywhere. The party continued on to Disgraceland but it would be ungentlemanly to elaborate.

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